DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom in a serious relationship with a divorced man who has children of his own. Between us, we have seven, ranging in age from 7 to 17. I'm in my early 30s; he's in his early 50s.

My dilemma: I'm interested in having another child if we get married. He definitely isn't.

Is it unreasonable for me to want to add to this already large potential blended family? I love the idea of experiencing motherhood again with a little more experience and age under my belt, and I'd love to share that intimacy with him. While he likes the abstract possibility of "our" child, he says he feels too old now and he wouldn't be able to be the kind of father he would want to be.

If neither of us had kids of our own, this would be a deal-breaker for me, but how do I know if my maternal longings are just the last, painful tickings of my biological clock, or a real desire that I'll end up resenting him for if I ignore it and we stay together? -- IS SEVEN ENOUGH?

DEAR IS SEVEN ENOUGH?: Because your boyfriend is in his 50s and has made it clear that he isn't interested in becoming a father again, I think you should count your many blessings and consider that seven is a lucky number.

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever appropriate for a diner to lick his/her fingers in public, like when eating finger food or barbecue? It drives me nuts! I equate it to a cat cleaning itself.

When I try to get the person in question to use a napkin, I'm looked at as if I've lost my mind! At the very least, our hands are covered with germs, and who wants to stick them in their mouth? Yecch. -- GROSSED OUT IN OHIO

DEAR GROSSED OUT: I think it depends upon the circumstances in which the food is being served. If someone is eating canapes at a cocktail party, licking the fingers is a no-no. And most barbecue joints provide moist towelettes to their patrons.

On the other hand, Col. Sanders used to call his fried chicken "finger lickin' good." At a picnic or informal gathering, it's purr-fectly acceptable to lick one's fingers, and I confess this tabby has probably done it, so I'm not going to cast aspersions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don't blow it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and in high school. My father died in a car accident when I was 8. A man who attends my church took me under his wing and has been like a father to me ever since. He is very supportive most of the time. However, he spanks me with a belt when he feels I misbehave.

My mom doesn't know about it because she works long hours to support the family. I like the nurturing and encouragement this man gives me, but I can't take another beating. What should I do? -- BLUE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR BLUE: What you are describing is a form of child abuse. This "nurturing" man has no right to hit you. You shouldn't have to tolerate being beaten in order to feel supported.

Tell your mother what has been going on, or a teacher or a counselor at your school. You appear to be an intelligent young man. Your silence is what enables those beatings to continue, so please do not remain silent about this any longer.

DEAR ABBY: If you are divorced from your wife, do her parents remain your in-laws? This is to settle a disagreement. -- SHARON IN TEXAS

DEAR SHARON: Legally, no. But relationships are not always based on legality. Sometimes divorced couples remain extended family members, particularly if there are children involved.

DEAR ABBY: You were wrong to advise "Starting Anew in Ohio" (Nov. 7), the mother of a 10-year-old girl who wanted the bigger bedroom in their new house, to have her kids draw straws. When the girl made the request, her older brother said he didn't care. The time to have drawn straws was when the girl first made the request, not two months afterward.

The girl is at an age when children can be particularly sensitive about trust issues, and the boy is old enough to know that words have consequences. If the parents reverse course now, the girl will learn that her parents' promises mean nothing, and the boy will learn that he doesn't have to worry about what he says because he can always change it later.

These are NOT good lessons to teach children. That the father would bow to the boy's request made the situation worse. Maybe he'd think twice if he realized his daughter will now always doubt his word. -- JUDY IN OHIO

DEAR JUDY: You are not the only reader who told me my answer wasn't up to my usual standards. In fact, not a single person who wrote to comment agreed with me, and their points were valid. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Your solution won't keep the peace in that household; it will end it. The daughter will learn her parents can't be trusted to keep a promise; the son will think he can take anything he wants from his sister because, as the male, he gets his way.

No, Abby, a promise is a promise. And if there's any lesson more important to teach our children, I can't imagine what it is. -- HOLLY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: This is the time to teach that 12-year-old "young man" to be a man of his word. He made the decision that his sister could have the room. The daughter had the guts to ask for what she wanted. Good for her for asking for what she wants. NOW they should draw straws to determine the outcome?

The message this sends to the children is, "If you're older, you can get what you want. If you make a promise, you can break it." The daughter should not lose out on what she was promised. -- DANIELLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a suggestion? The children should be told that each year around the anniversary of their moving to the new house that they will change rooms. It may take some effort and energy, but the benefit would be that both brother and sister get to experience the larger bedroom. It will teach them to COMPROMISE. -- TAMI IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: Having been through this type of situation as a child, I can tell you it destroyed my trust in my mother. Believe me, this will have far-reaching and unintended repercussions in that little girl's life. A promise is a promise! -- CANDACE IN THE ROCKIES

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to respect for your elders? None of my six nieces and nephews has EVER called me "Uncle Sam," nor have any of their children called me "Mr. B." When the 5-year-old called me "Sammy," a name I loathe, I nearly snapped. Am I out of line? -- SAM IN SHEFFIELD, MASS.

DEAR SAM: If "Uncle Sam" is what you prefer to be called, you should have made that clear to your siblings when the nieces and nephews were little. Children are imitative. If their parents call you and refer to you as just plain Sam, don't blame the children for doing the same. I don't know how old the kids are now, but it may be a little late for you to start complaining about this.