DEAR ABBY: When my husband died, he didn't have a lot of possessions. He died without a will, so what little he had is now with me. My problem is my mother-in-law keeps asking that I return things she gave him.

I wouldn't mind if she has them, but she has been giving them to his children, who hated him and were rude and disrespectful. They neither called nor came to see him during his long illness. They didn't even bother to come to his funeral.

I feel they want his things only because they think they might be of some value, not out of any respect or affection. My kids showed him more respect and love than his own did, and I'd rather they have his things.

Should I be honest and tell my mother-in-law why I won't give her any more of his possessions? I just don't know what to do. -- OKLAHOMA WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: It's sad that your stepchildren ignored their father during his illness and chose to skip his funeral. Be sure to point that out when you tell your former mother-in-law you have other plans for the items. She may not like hearing it, but once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. And because her son died without a will, the recipient is you, his widow.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a new job. One of the management individuals has taken a strong interest in me. He keeps doing favors for me that benefit me financially and I appreciate it. (I have never asked him to do this.)

I have always been courteous and took his gestures as a sign of kindness. But now he has started complimenting me and talking about things that go way beyond conversation. It's making me uncomfortable.

We have gone out on two friendly lunches before, and he is a genuine, kind, educated, wonderful man. He would be a great catch, but the problem is he is extremely overweight. I am emotionally attracted to him, but physically repelled. I can't wait years for him to lose the weight, but he is taking my kindness as a possible show of interest. Have you any advice that could help end his attraction, but continue the business advice he provides for me? -- IN A SPOT IN TAMPA

DEAR IN A SPOT: When the man compliments you about anything that isn't work-connected, tell him that when he does it, it makes you uncomfortable. And when he raises topics that aren't business-related, steer the conversation right back where it belongs. He may be a kind, genuine, educated, wonderful person, but if he persists, it could be considered harassment.

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a group of neighbors who often go out to dinner together. However, one woman often talks loudly on her cellphone at the dinner table, and it makes the rest of us feel uncomfortable and insignificant. It has gotten so bad we have stopped inviting her.

I feel sorry for her and wonder if I should explain the reason she's being excluded. What is the best way to handle this dilemma? -- FRIEND IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

DEAR FRIEND: If done discreetly and kindly, it might benefit the woman to know why she's no longer included. Frankly, you'd be doing her a favor because her behavior was rude.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Karl," for eight months now, and we have never had sex. After two or three months, I brought up the subject. He said he was stressed because he had just lost his job. He also said there is never any privacy at his place because he has roommates/tenants. I offered to go to my place, but he said that with my son there, it's the same issue.

Karl says he's very attracted to me, but doesn't want our "time" together to be ruined by his current money problems. I told him I understood and I have waited. I also explained that it makes me feel insecure and unwanted.

He now has a job, but we still haven't had sex. He has, in the interim, told me he loves me and wants to marry me. I constantly worry that there's someone else and wonder what's wrong with me. I love Karl, too, but I don't know what to do. Please help. -- LOVE, BUT NO SEX IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOVE, BUT: Is there any intimacy at all in your relationship with Karl? Is he affectionate? Is there any physical response when he holds and kisses you? If the answer is no, your boyfriend may have a physical or emotional problem, be asexual or gay.

Before agreeing to marry him, I recommend you schedule some time alone together by spending a few romantic weekends at a hotel or motel. It may give you a better idea of what your future would be like if you two decide to tie the knot.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old gay man who works in an office with 20 women. In the five years I have worked here, many of my co-workers have either gotten married or had children.

Our office has a tradition of throwing showers for the lucky ladies, and I am always asked to contribute money toward food for the party or an extravagant gift.

While I'm happy to donate to a charity or help a friend in need, I wonder if a wedding or a baby shower would be given for me? Am I selfish for feeling hesitant to donate money or gifts when it's likely the favor will never be returned? -- MINORITY MALE IN TEXAS

DEAR MINORITY: I don't think you are selfish for feeling the way you do. In fact, it's understandable. However, in the case of a wedding or baby shower, people give gifts as a way of offering congratulations and good wishes. And I would hope that, even if same-sex marriage isn't recognized by the state of Texas, your co-workers would do something to honor you if you had a spiritual ceremony, which some religious denominations offer.

DEAR ABBY: I am turning 60 and naturally looking a little "worn." My man friend keeps telling me I need a facelift and to lose 10 pounds, so I'm starting to save my money. Something tells me he wants a "hot chick" and thinks he'll have one once I get these procedures done. It's expensive. What do you think? -- LOOSE-FACED LOUISIANAN

DEAR LOUISIANAN: It's not only expensive; as with any other major surgery, there is some risk involved. If you had said you wanted cosmetic surgery because you thought you needed it, I would say to go ahead. However, if it's only because your man friend is pushing you, then he should save his money and offer to foot the bill.

P.S. He must be an optimist because there is no guarantee that with 10 pounds off and a new face you wouldn't start looking for a younger man. Some women do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dad in my 30s and I have a problem. I have been battling anger issues since I was a kid. I have been finding myself getting more and more worked up with my kids. When they misbehave, I lose it and yell at them. It is the way I was raised; however, I feel even worse afterward.

I really want to break this habit. I don't want the only memories my children have of me to be images of my red face and bugged-out eyes hollering at them. Do you have any guidelines I can follow to get a better handle on my anger? -- LOUD DAD IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR LOUD DAD: Yes, I do. And I'm glad you asked me because it's important that you find other ways of relieving your frustration than taking it out on your children. It is not only counterproductive, it is extremely destructive.

When a bigger person yells at a smaller person, the message is often lost because the smaller person (in your case, your children) simply shuts down out of fear that physical violence might follow.

You should not ignore your feelings when your children act up. Rather, you need to find another manner for expressing your emotions. My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" offers suggestions on redirecting angry feelings in a healthy way. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Dealing with anger calmly and with reason is more effective than lashing out. Expressing your feelings is healthy when it's done with a few well-chosen words that make your point. As you have already learned, exploding in anger serves no constructive purpose and only makes you feel worse afterward.

Sometimes when people are angry or frustrated about other things, they can lose control of their temper. In situations like these, it is important to evaluate the source of what might really be irritating you before misdirecting your anger at someone who is blameless.

There are healthy ways of dealing with anger and frustration. Developing the control to express emotions verbally without being abusive or calling names is one of them. Another is to say a prayer ("Please Lord, don't let me lose my temper!") before opening your mouth. Leaving the room, going for a walk or short run can be helpful.

Unhealthy ways that should be avoided include getting into your car when you are angry, or using alcohol or drugs to calm you.

My booklet offers many other suggestions for dealing with anger and frustration, and I hope it will be helpful to you. However, if it isn't, then you should discuss your problem with a mental health professional. It's important to get a handle on your feelings so your children won't grow up thinking that verbal abuse is a normal way to handle their emotions.