DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Clint," recently brought a large framed picture of his deceased wife into our home. He placed it on his dresser in front of framed photos of us together.

His wife died three years ago. We are living together in a condo Clint bought for me. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want to move me into "her house."

Clint also still wears his wedding ring. He carries guilt and doesn't seem to have made closure. I told him I don't feel comfortable with her picture "looking at us." He doesn't think there should be a problem. Should I move on? -- IN THE SHADOWS

DEAR IN THE SHADOWS: That Clint still wears his wedding ring tells me he may not have accepted his wife's death. How sad for him.

Ask him to move his wife's picture to a room other than the bedroom because, while he doesn't think it's creating a problem, it is creating one for you. If he can't bring himself to do that -- and join a grief support group -- then you should consider moving on.

DEAR ABBY: Enough with the problems! It's time you printed a positive letter.

I'm an active, friendly senior who lives alone, but I'm not lonely. I have many friends of all ages and a devoted family. Why? Because as I traveled through many states during my life, I reached out to people along the way.

The saying, "If you want a friend, be a friend," is true. If we want friends, we can't sit back and wait for people to come to us. Smile, speak up, pay a sincere compliment -- just communicate! If you do, the majority of people will respond positively.

I socialize with people my age in church circles, card clubs and dining-out groups who can't understand why I'm always so busy. They don't reach out except to people they already know. As people get older, that group is constantly shrinking. Join a religious group, community clubs and organizations. Volunteer to read at schools and libraries. Visit a senior group or center.

Many people of all ages fear they won't be accepted. But if they show up with a friendly attitude, they will be. You have to contribute -- whether it's with a smile, an opening remark or some other welcoming gesture.

I served in the military, taught Sunday school, led Girl Scouts, garden clubs, church and neighborhood groups while following my husband through eight states and raising three children. My husband was often away in his business, but we had a strong, supportive marriage. He joined me in many activities when he could be home.

I think many people have forgotten we must give in order to get. When we reach out to others, most of the time those people reach back. -- NOT LONELY IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.

DEAR NOT LONELY: It's easy to see why you have a wide circle of friends. Your positive energy leaps off the page.

There are two types of people in the world: those who come into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" and those who come into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" You are one of the latter. If people want a warm welcome, they should keep in mind that the happier they are to see others, the happier others will be to see them.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter from "Family First in Florida" (Nov. 3), it's no wonder her son and daughter-in-law want some peace and quiet when their new baby arrives. Grandma-to-be appears controlling, entitled and someone who will be more of an endurance test than a helping presence. They are right to set kind, yet firm, boundaries with her.

I wanted privacy during and after childbirth, and I'm grateful my mom and MIL respected our wishes. I needed time to establish a nursing routine, heal and get to know my baby before I was ready to host overnight guests.

My kids' grandmas both have strong, loving relationships with their grandkids, so please remind "Family First" she's not missing out on anything. She'll still get to be a doting granny, but for now she should back off and remember the arrival of the child is not about her. -- EXPERIENCED MOM IN OMAHA

DEAR MOM: I'm pleased everything worked out well for you. That woman's letter hit a nerve with my readers. A sampling of their comments:

DEAR ABBY: I had the same vision of being there when my grandkids were born. However, my kids have not involved me the way I imagined.

"Family First's" son is putting his family first, as he should. He and his wife have chosen what they feel will make the smoothest, least-stressful launch for their new family, and he is protecting that plan. If she doesn't respect her son's right to make that decision, she risks jeopardizing her future relationship with him, his wife and the grandkids.

The essence of a mother's love is sacrifice. It's time to put aside her dreams and help her son fulfill his. -- SUZIE IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: The new parents are greatly misinformed about the importance of having grandparents around just before and immediately after the birth of a new baby. It helps to have a family member in the waiting room to update other family and well-wishers so Dad can devote full attention to the new mom and baby.

My mother was a godsend, taking care of everything while we bonded with our child. She did the cooking, the chores, and gave us needed breaks during the day so we were able to tolerate night feedings. When our second child arrived, she helped with our older one.

Childbirth is difficult. I don't think this new mom realizes she won't be able to do it all. -- SHANA IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ABBY: Has "Family First" considered that her daughter-in-law's mother may be coming? Unfair as it may seem, in cultures around the world, the role of the paternal grandmother is far different than that of the maternal grandmother. -- KNOWS FOR SURE IN KENYA

DEAR ABBY: My son and DIL told everyone, including the other grandparents, who live near them, they wanted no visitors for at least six weeks. That sad grandma needs to brush up on her Skype and Facetime skills so she can see them frequently on her computer and phone. We do this with our kids.

In the first year, the baby learned our voices and saw our faces often. When we met again, it was like we'd always been there. -- COMPUTER GRANNY

DEAR ABBY: While she isn't invited to be there for the birth of her first grandchild, I'm sure her son and DIL will be begging her to come for the next one. After a week of no sleep, they are going to wish they had told her yes this time! -- GRANNY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: When I declined my mother-in-law's offer to help out when my son was born, she paid to have a catering service deliver daily three-course dinners for two weeks so I wouldn't have to cook. It was the best gift I ever received, and I love her for it! -- LISA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was 20, she met a guy who one minute showered her with roses and the next would beat her up. She stayed with him thinking she could change him, and became pregnant. On her 21st birthday, she tried to get away from him. He chased her up the road and went to punch her in the stomach. When she turned to avoid the blow, it landed, hitting the baby in the head and killed the child.

Abby, once a beater, always a beater. I hope all women in abusive relationships will see this letter. My daughter is fine now, married and expecting. I pray for the women and girls out there who are going through what she once had to. -- PENNSYLVANIA MOM

DEAR PENNSYLVANIA MOM: I'm glad you wrote, because your letter reminds me that it has been some time since I printed the warning signs of an abuser. Here they are:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

Readers, if you feel you are at risk, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or www.thehotline.org.