DEAR ABBY: For 17 years I have been using the same hairstylist, "Marietta," because she does great cuts and color. She's married to my cousin "Gil," but not for long. They're divorcing.

Gil's mother suggested I should find a different stylist, but when I did, I had horrible results. I returned to Marietta and it took her several appointments to correct my color.

Some family members are now furious with me for getting my hair done by someone who is soon to be a relative's ex. I look at it as a business. I like what Marietta does for me. We never discuss the divorce. Family is now demanding an apology, and I don't think I owe one. I haven't been close to any of these people in years.

Must I say I'm sorry to distant family and discontinue Marietta's services? Or should I say nothing and continue my professional relationship with her? My roots are beginning to show again, so please answer quickly. -- SNIPPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SNIPPED: Tell Gil's mother to stay out of your hair. You tried leaving Marietta; it was a disaster -- and you plan on using her until the day you curl up and dye.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of three grown children. I have a good marriage, a successful career and a close relationship with my two younger children.

My problem involves my oldest daughter. She has been emotionally unstable and verbally abusive to me since her 20s. I have reached my limit of patience with her. We had a terrible fight three weeks ago, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Abby, these have been the most peaceful weeks I have had in a long time. Am I a terrible mother? Is there such a thing as separating from a child? I am tired of always being the peacemaker with no effort on her part. What do you suggest? -- PEACEMAKER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PEACEMAKER: Refusing to be abused by an adult child does not make you a terrible parent. I don't know what caused the fight between you and your daughter. If you caused it, then you owe it to both of you to offer an apology. If she caused it, then put your white flag away and enjoy the respite because sooner or later she'll be back. (Probably when she needs something.) Only she can fix what's wrong with her, but you can reduce your level of stress if you keep your distance.

DEAR ABBY: I was involved in a fatal car accident in 2012. Two of my best friends died. There is a void in my heart. They were 15 and 18. I feel so much pain over the loss of my friends, and it is never going to end or hurt less. Their families hate me, which is to be expected.

I am in prison and feel so depressed. Time here seems to barely move. How do I deal with this pain and my sentence? -- IN JAIL AND HURTING

DEAR HURTING: If possible, use your time in prison to complete your education. If there are classes, take them. If there is a library, use it. You can make the walls around you disappear if you lose yourself in the pages of a book. Try it, and you will see that I'm right.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws double dip everything. During a holiday get-together, a family member stood eating out of a pot. Now my M-I-L informs me her daughter allows her dog to eat off the plates, but "she uses a dishwasher" so I shouldn't worry about germs.

How do I handle this? I can't eat there again. -- GROSSED OUT IN GROSSE POINT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Eat before you go, and go as infrequently as possible.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, my best friend, "Lana," tried to kill herself. I'm not sure anyone else knows. Her brother beats her, and her mom yells at her for being "ungrateful" when she asks to spend a night elsewhere. My family has offered several times to let Lana live with us, as have her grandparents. After this week, I have begged her to. She still refuses.

Her plan is to move in with her boyfriend when she turns 18 in a few months. He's a good guy, but I don't think it will be good for her. I know they always say to tell an adult about a situation like this one, but Lana claims she's not strong enough to actually leave before then -- and she kept a secret of mine almost as big.

I'm scared and don't know what to do. I love Lana and I know doing the wrong thing could end up with her dead. -- TERRIFIED BFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TERRIFIED: If Lana tried to kill herself because of what's happening at home, she can no longer remain there. Talk to her again. Moving in with her boyfriend is not the answer. It could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. If she lives with him under these circumstances, she will be emotionally and financially dependent, and it's not a healthy way to start a relationship.

Point out that if she lives with her grandparents -- who understand how dysfunctional her home life has been -- or your family, she will be in a safe place while she considers her options about finding a job or getting more education. Once she's independent, she will be in a stronger position to make wise decisions about her future.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend lost the "love of his life" to cancer two years ago. He talks about her and their life together endlessly. He says he wants to build a new life with me, but he constantly criticizes me because "she would handle the situation better."

Abby, the woman was a physician from a wealthy family. I'm a blue-collar worker who single-parented two children. My parents passed away 20 years ago. Is there any hope for a future with him? Can I ever feel comfortable being who I am -- not the ghost he wants me to be? -- BLUE-COLLAR LOVER

DEAR LOVER: As long as your boyfriend continues to compare you unfavorably with his lost love, the answer is no. Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does it? If you haven't, speak up! And when you do, suggest he find a grief support group, where he can talk and talk until he works through his loss better than he has. Until he does, you'll never be happy. Competing with a ghost is a fight you can't win.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student who has never had a boyfriend. I have been on a few dates with a guy I'll call "Richard," and while he's nice, I don't see this going anywhere.

On the other hand, I don't want to break it off just yet because it's nice having that kind of attention for once. But is it leading him on?

He likes me a lot more than I like him, but he knows I'm going to transfer next semester. What should I do? -- CONFUSED DATER IN DES MOINES

DEAR CONFUSED DATER: You should be honest with Richard. Tell him you like him as a friend and remind him that your plan is to transfer next semester. That way, if he wants to continue seeing you, he'll know the score and you won't have led him on.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood on a cul-de-sac. There has been an increase in the traffic on my street, and I suspect it's because a neighbor's adult son has been selling drugs. Most of the cars are driven by young people who park for five to 10 minutes at the most, and all of them walk around to the back of the house. Hypodermic needles have been found in the street.

Should I talk to the police and risk alienating my neighbors, or should I keep quiet because I have no definite proof? I don't think the parents would believe me if I told them; they seem to think their child can do no wrong. Also, if I do file a police report and they find out, I'm afraid they will retaliate. Help! -- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

DEAR NOT SURE: Don't keep quiet. It's important that the police be notified before the problem becomes worse. Call your local anonymous tip line and report where you have seen the suspicious activity and the needles. No personal information from you will be asked, and your privacy will be protected.

DEAR ABBY: I had some time to think over the summer, and came to the realization that a baby my girlfriend had almost 30 years ago may be my daughter. "Sally" and I had a very intense, but short-lived relationship that blew up. About a year later we met again for lunch at the behest of a mutual friend.

I don't remember the details, but I do remember searching for an accurate way to compliment her. Because she had put on weight, the best I could come up with was "you look good." She didn't hit me, but the conversation went downhill from there. Sally mentioned as we were parting that she had given birth to a daughter. I haven't heard from her since.

I don't want to create problems for anybody, but I'm curious. I'm happily married and plan to stay that way. At the same time, I'd welcome having a daughter.

I have thought about sending cheek swabs and a check-off DNA test to the child along with a note suggesting she send our samples in for testing. But that could destroy whatever story she may have grown up with.

I'm at a loss here. I could use some advice from an outside authority. What do you think I should do? -- BLOCKHEAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR B.H.: It's been 30 years. The "child" is a woman now. Before you risk starting WWIII, why not contact the mother and ask if you are her daughter's father, because it's possible that you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have never dated anyone. I have a lot of friends and do well in school and at work, and I try to be a good, kind, friendly person.

What can I do to make myself datable? Am I missing some crucial step in how to become a girlfriend? -- OLD MAID IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR OLD MAID: Because I have never met you in person, I can't tell you what you might be doing that relegates you to the "only as a friend" category. However, some of your guy friends might be able to tell you. And you should also solicit some tips from your girlfriends.