DEAR ABBY: Last week, my best friend, "Lana," tried to kill herself. I'm not sure anyone else knows. Her brother beats her, and her mom yells at her for being "ungrateful" when she asks to spend a night elsewhere. My family has offered several times to let Lana live with us, as have her grandparents. After this week, I have begged her to. She still refuses.

Her plan is to move in with her boyfriend when she turns 18 in a few months. He's a good guy, but I don't think it will be good for her. I know they always say to tell an adult about a situation like this one, but Lana claims she's not strong enough to actually leave before then -- and she kept a secret of mine almost as big.

I'm scared and don't know what to do. I love Lana and I know doing the wrong thing could end up with her dead. -- TERRIFIED BFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TERRIFIED: If Lana tried to kill herself because of what's happening at home, she can no longer remain there. Talk to her again. Moving in with her boyfriend is not the answer. It could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. If she lives with him under these circumstances, she will be emotionally and financially dependent, and it's not a healthy way to start a relationship.

Point out that if she lives with her grandparents -- who understand how dysfunctional her home life has been -- or your family, she will be in a safe place while she considers her options about finding a job or getting more education. Once she's independent, she will be in a stronger position to make wise decisions about her future.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend lost the "love of his life" to cancer two years ago. He talks about her and their life together endlessly. He says he wants to build a new life with me, but he constantly criticizes me because "she would handle the situation better."

Abby, the woman was a physician from a wealthy family. I'm a blue-collar worker who single-parented two children. My parents passed away 20 years ago. Is there any hope for a future with him? Can I ever feel comfortable being who I am -- not the ghost he wants me to be? -- BLUE-COLLAR LOVER

DEAR LOVER: As long as your boyfriend continues to compare you unfavorably with his lost love, the answer is no. Have you told him how it makes you feel when he does it? If you haven't, speak up! And when you do, suggest he find a grief support group, where he can talk and talk until he works through his loss better than he has. Until he does, you'll never be happy. Competing with a ghost is a fight you can't win.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student who has never had a boyfriend. I have been on a few dates with a guy I'll call "Richard," and while he's nice, I don't see this going anywhere.

On the other hand, I don't want to break it off just yet because it's nice having that kind of attention for once. But is it leading him on?

He likes me a lot more than I like him, but he knows I'm going to transfer next semester. What should I do? -- CONFUSED DATER IN DES MOINES

DEAR CONFUSED DATER: You should be honest with Richard. Tell him you like him as a friend and remind him that your plan is to transfer next semester. That way, if he wants to continue seeing you, he'll know the score and you won't have led him on.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood on a cul-de-sac. There has been an increase in the traffic on my street, and I suspect it's because a neighbor's adult son has been selling drugs. Most of the cars are driven by young people who park for five to 10 minutes at the most, and all of them walk around to the back of the house. Hypodermic needles have been found in the street.

Should I talk to the police and risk alienating my neighbors, or should I keep quiet because I have no definite proof? I don't think the parents would believe me if I told them; they seem to think their child can do no wrong. Also, if I do file a police report and they find out, I'm afraid they will retaliate. Help! -- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

DEAR NOT SURE: Don't keep quiet. It's important that the police be notified before the problem becomes worse. Call your local anonymous tip line and report where you have seen the suspicious activity and the needles. No personal information from you will be asked, and your privacy will be protected.

DEAR ABBY: I had some time to think over the summer, and came to the realization that a baby my girlfriend had almost 30 years ago may be my daughter. "Sally" and I had a very intense, but short-lived relationship that blew up. About a year later we met again for lunch at the behest of a mutual friend.

I don't remember the details, but I do remember searching for an accurate way to compliment her. Because she had put on weight, the best I could come up with was "you look good." She didn't hit me, but the conversation went downhill from there. Sally mentioned as we were parting that she had given birth to a daughter. I haven't heard from her since.

I don't want to create problems for anybody, but I'm curious. I'm happily married and plan to stay that way. At the same time, I'd welcome having a daughter.

I have thought about sending cheek swabs and a check-off DNA test to the child along with a note suggesting she send our samples in for testing. But that could destroy whatever story she may have grown up with.

I'm at a loss here. I could use some advice from an outside authority. What do you think I should do? -- BLOCKHEAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR B.H.: It's been 30 years. The "child" is a woman now. Before you risk starting WWIII, why not contact the mother and ask if you are her daughter's father, because it's possible that you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have never dated anyone. I have a lot of friends and do well in school and at work, and I try to be a good, kind, friendly person.

What can I do to make myself datable? Am I missing some crucial step in how to become a girlfriend? -- OLD MAID IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR OLD MAID: Because I have never met you in person, I can't tell you what you might be doing that relegates you to the "only as a friend" category. However, some of your guy friends might be able to tell you. And you should also solicit some tips from your girlfriends.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a caring person. I'm worried about my mother. She has been an addict for nine years. She always says she wants help, but she never follows through with getting the help she needs. I have asked her many times to go and get help, and have told her how bad her using makes me feel.

What do you think I can do to encourage her to follow through with treatment? I miss my mother. Any advice would be appreciated. -- IN NEED OF HELP IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR IN NEED OF HELP: You are not only a caring young woman, you are also mature for your age and intelligent. If your mother has been an addict since you were 6, your entire childhood has been spent taking care of her and raising yourself. I am truly sorry for that.

Because nothing you say gets through to her, consider moving in with another relative if that's possible. You should also join a Narateen support group. It's a 12-step program for teenage friends and family members of addicts. There is one in your city called "Hope for Today." To find the location, check the Nar-Anon website, www.nar-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a grandmother, a former teacher and I have my master's in child psychology. I was also a school board member. I love children.

Please pass this along to parents and anyone else who cares for children: Quit force-feeding them! Again and again I see parents beg and coerce their kids to eat. There are too many obese people in the world. Kids will eat when they are hungry. Just don't give them any junk in between.

I know a dad who told me he forced his son to finish his food until the son went and threw up. He said he will never do that again. Remember, children have small stomachs. They don't need to eat much to feel full. Restaurants serve too much.

Let kids eat when they need to. Just give them healthy choices. -- DIANE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR DIANE: Unfortunately, babies don't come with written instructions. Many parents "encourage" their children to eat because they're afraid if they don't they're not doing their job. It's a reflection of their anxiety. Too often, mealtime turns into a power struggle, which is a big mistake.

What you have written is common sense. A pediatrician or health clinic can advise parents what and how much their child should eat. And I agree, restaurant portions are usually larger than customers should consume in one meal, which is why those who are watching their calories are advised to cut the portions in half before eating.

DEAR ABBY: I am a grown woman with a wonderful husband, two jobs and five beautiful children. I am a good person. My parents raised me to be respectful and accepting of all kinds of people.

My arms are partially tattooed with beautiful flowers. Family members openly express their dislike of it. They have a right to their thoughts and to say what they please. What can I say back that tells them how rude they are and how they hurt me? -- INKED AND IRKED IN POCATELLO, IDAHO

DEAR INKED AND IRKED: You should say, "When you gave your opinion about my arms, I heard you the first time. For you to keep repeating it is insulting and hurtful, so please cut it out. I think my tattoos are beautiful and that's what's important." And if your family members persist in making cruel comments, you have my permission to end the conversation.