DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for "Lacking Why," the girl in your Oct. 18 column who is wondering why the amount of allowance money Grandpa gives her and her sisters varies from one girl to the other: Stop comparing the amounts and try focusing on how attentive each of you is to your grandfather.

Do you all visit him with the same frequency? Do you all write thank-you notes for his generosity? Do you all phone him the same number of times each week? Do you all remember his birthday with a nice card or small gift? Do you take turns baking him a birthday cake?

I suspect, as with my grandchildren, there are wide disparities in the way these sisters treat Grandpa. Why would a person who ignores him expect the same generosity as one who showers him with love and affection? I have two grown grandkids who treat me differently and, son of a gun, I respond in kind. -- CONNECTICUT GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Your explanation is one I received from other readers as well. That letter resonated with a large number of people, and what follows is a sampling of their responses:

DEAR ABBY: Financially speaking, I'll bet there's a good reason for the disparity in the amounts "Lacking" and her sisters receive. If Grandpa intends that each granddaughter receive the same sum of money by age 18, and he started giving the money to each of them at the same time, he would have to give them different amounts. This concept would be hard to explain to a child, which may be why the girls were never sure about the "why." -- NUMBERS GUY IN SAN MATEO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My father did the same thing. Each year I received more money from my dad than my brothers did. Eventually I asked him why, and it turned out he felt that over the years he had helped them more in other ways. They had lived at home longer than I had, and Dad had paid for their educations while I'd had a scholarship.

In his mind, he was trying to even things out. Funny thing was, it didn't matter to me. But I never told my brothers. -- SOLVED THE PUZZLE IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: The mother of those girls should be the one to broach the subject with her father. She can soften the response to her daughters and point out to her father the possible harm he may be causing within the family. But in the end, if Grandpa doesn't budge, they'll all have to learn to live with it. -- KEN IN SARASOTA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend that they first discuss among themselves the differences in their own circumstances and their relationship with their grandparent. It might be that those in need, those who invest wisely or those who respond kindly receive more.

I help my kids and grandkids based on what their needs are and how they spend the money. It is not a matter of favoritism. And being thanked once in a while doesn't hurt, either. -- PATRICIA IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: "Lacking" and her siblings should not approach Grandpa. It could backfire and end the gift-giving forever. Instead, if all the sisters agree they are being unfairly treated, they should consider pooling the gifts together and dividing the total amount equally among themselves. This would be a mature solution that needn't be shared with their grandfather. -- WISE OUT WEST

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in an exclusive, committed relationship with "Vince." We have talked about a future together and getting married. My only issue is I can't seem to keep him off of dating sites. Even when I catch Vince red-handed, he'll deny it or blame it on his friend "using his ID."

I have asked him over and over to delete the sites, but he won't. He continues to tell me he's in love with me and wants only me. He says I'm the woman of his dreams. If that's true, there should be no need for him to look anymore, right?

Please help me understand his obsession, and if there are any tools I can use to be more effective to talk to Vince about this. -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: Your communication tools are just fine. Your ability to recognize when someone is stringing you along is what needs improvement.

You may feel you are in a committed relationship, but Vince appears to be less committed than you are. Worse, he also has a problem telling the truth. If Vince wanted only you and was ready to settle down, he wouldn't compulsively look online to see who else is available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm conflicted about my role in supporting my children through the death of my ex-wife. We divorced 25 years ago. There was no significant other in her life. I would like to support them emotionally, but I feel the burial, funeral, etc., are matters for their family and her relatives.

My question is, am I right? And how soon should I go and be with my children? We have been in close touch, and I believe they know that I care and I'm here for them. They live across the country, so the distance and cost of transportation are concerns. -- CONFLICTED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFLICTED: I'm sure no one expects you to contribute financially to the funeral of someone from whom you have been divorced for a quarter of a century. However, you should ask your adult children if they would like you to attend for emotional support. Because they are all grown and presumably busy with their lives, if your presence isn't needed at the funeral, you could schedule a family reunion at a time when it's convenient for all of you.

DEAR ABBY: What do I do about a friend who often interrupts a conversation to check his phone and look up the topic on the Internet? He then adds to -- or corrects -- the discussion we are having. It's starting to ruin the friendship. Any advice? -- OVERCORRECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERCORRECTED: Whether someone doing this is offensive or not depends upon the spirit in which it's being done. Your friend may not be certain that what he -- or you -- is saying is correct and he wants to verify it. Often when people check information online, they find more information on the subject. Your friend may be doing it in the spirit of helpfulness. My husband and I do this with each other often, and neither of us is offended.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 50 and my boyfriend, "Ray," is 55. We have been together for 11 years. He's divorced with two children. I am single and childless. We owned our own homes until a year ago, when we sold them and bought a house together. We each pay half the bills including the mortgage. We love each other, get along great, have similar values and can't imagine not being together.

My problem is I want to get married. Ray does, too, but his 20-year-old daughter isn't ready for it yet. She and I get along fine, but she gets very stressed and cries when the topic is mentioned. I told Ray I think she has learned from her childhood that crying enables her to get her way. But Ray insists she has anxiety issues, and he's afraid she will hurt herself if we get married. I say we should just do it and hope that, eventually, she accepts it.

Counseling is out of the question for her. She won't go. Ray and I did go for advice about this. The counselor agreed that his daughter needs counseling, but we can't "make" her go. My question is, is Ray ever going to marry me? Any suggestions on what we should do? -- CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFUSED: If Ray waits for his daughter's blessing, it may take another 11 years for her to give it -- if she ever does. You and Ray should get more counseling to help him find the strength to stop allowing his troubled daughter to rule his life.

DEAR ABBY: My hog-mouth husband and I are having an ongoing disagreement about food. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants without leaving any for me. His argument is that if it's around for several days -- even if it's frozen -- I have had "plenty of time to get my share." I feel it shouldn't be up to him to tell me how much to eat, and when.

He weighs almost twice as much as I do, and eats accordingly. It's particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in the preparation of a dish, only to find it's gone when I want my second helping. I think he is being inconsiderate at best. Am I wrong? -- WHERE'S MY BEEF?!

DEAR "WHERE'S": I don't think so. Your husband is behaving like a selfish child. If you have been cooking in large quantities, try preparing only enough for two portions for a while -- a long while.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old niece passed away, leaving a 7-year-old daughter. Her grieving husband found a married woman two months later. She divorced her second husband, and now all three of them are living together.

Abby, the little girl is not allowed to tell anyone that her mommy died and has to tell all her friends that her father's new girlfriend is her mom. Is it right to keep her from talking about her mommy? -- MARIA FROM TEXAS

DEAR MARIA: Of course not! While the father and his girlfriend might wish to erase the child's mother from her memory, she is old enough to always remember not only that her mother died, but also that her father and this woman want to bury the fact that she ever existed. That child needs to talk about her mother, and to forbid it will cause problems when she is older. Count on it.

DEAR ABBY: I work with several women who are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I love working with them. The problem is when they are together they speak Spanish. I do not understand a word they say, so I am left out of the conversation. How can I let them know how rude I think this is? -- LEFT OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR LEFT OUT: Say it in English, and if they are as nice as you say they are, they will make an effort to include you.