DEAR ABBY: I'm 50 and my boyfriend, "Ray," is 55. We have been together for 11 years. He's divorced with two children. I am single and childless. We owned our own homes until a year ago, when we sold them and bought a house together. We each pay half the bills including the mortgage. We love each other, get along great, have similar values and can't imagine not being together.

My problem is I want to get married. Ray does, too, but his 20-year-old daughter isn't ready for it yet. She and I get along fine, but she gets very stressed and cries when the topic is mentioned. I told Ray I think she has learned from her childhood that crying enables her to get her way. But Ray insists she has anxiety issues, and he's afraid she will hurt herself if we get married. I say we should just do it and hope that, eventually, she accepts it.

Counseling is out of the question for her. She won't go. Ray and I did go for advice about this. The counselor agreed that his daughter needs counseling, but we can't "make" her go. My question is, is Ray ever going to marry me? Any suggestions on what we should do? -- CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFUSED: If Ray waits for his daughter's blessing, it may take another 11 years for her to give it -- if she ever does. You and Ray should get more counseling to help him find the strength to stop allowing his troubled daughter to rule his life.

DEAR ABBY: My hog-mouth husband and I are having an ongoing disagreement about food. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants without leaving any for me. His argument is that if it's around for several days -- even if it's frozen -- I have had "plenty of time to get my share." I feel it shouldn't be up to him to tell me how much to eat, and when.

He weighs almost twice as much as I do, and eats accordingly. It's particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in the preparation of a dish, only to find it's gone when I want my second helping. I think he is being inconsiderate at best. Am I wrong? -- WHERE'S MY BEEF?!

DEAR "WHERE'S": I don't think so. Your husband is behaving like a selfish child. If you have been cooking in large quantities, try preparing only enough for two portions for a while -- a long while.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old niece passed away, leaving a 7-year-old daughter. Her grieving husband found a married woman two months later. She divorced her second husband, and now all three of them are living together.

Abby, the little girl is not allowed to tell anyone that her mommy died and has to tell all her friends that her father's new girlfriend is her mom. Is it right to keep her from talking about her mommy? -- MARIA FROM TEXAS

DEAR MARIA: Of course not! While the father and his girlfriend might wish to erase the child's mother from her memory, she is old enough to always remember not only that her mother died, but also that her father and this woman want to bury the fact that she ever existed. That child needs to talk about her mother, and to forbid it will cause problems when she is older. Count on it.

DEAR ABBY: I work with several women who are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I love working with them. The problem is when they are together they speak Spanish. I do not understand a word they say, so I am left out of the conversation. How can I let them know how rude I think this is? -- LEFT OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR LEFT OUT: Say it in English, and if they are as nice as you say they are, they will make an effort to include you.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister "Lainie" is 14. She has had a smartphone for about a year. While I don't belong to any social media sites, Lainie is a social media junkie. She never goes anywhere without her phone. Sometimes she'll have her phone in one hand and her tablet in the other, taking turns when one or the other begins to bore her. It's almost impossible to interact with her because her face is buried in the virtual world just about every hour of the day and night.

I miss the way things used to be before she got that smartphone. I have talked about this with my parents. While they are equally concerned about Lainie's withdrawn, sometimes secretive behavior, they never do anything about it. What are your thoughts on this topic? -- GADGET GIRL'S SISTER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SISTER: It's common for teens to spend a lot of time on their phones and computers. But when they become withdrawn and secretive, it is time for a parental intervention. If your folks are equally concerned about your sister's behavior, they should step in, find out what's going on and do something about it, if necessary. If they don't already, they could start by scheduling family dinners during which cellphones are turned off or put away.

DEAR ABBY: Christmas is nearly here, and I'm concerned about my brother. I'm afraid he blames himself for his 28-year-old daughter's suicide, which was by no means his fault. This will be his first Christmas without her. I don't know what to do for him. Any suggestions? -- CHALLENGED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CHALLENGED: When a close family member commits suicide, it is common for survivors to experience a range of emotions. Anger and guilt are two of them. If possible, encourage your brother to spend Christmas with you or other relatives. You should also suggest he join a survivors support group.

The American Association of Suicidology provides referrals to local self-help groups for survivors of suicide. Its website is www.suicidology.org. If he joins one, it will give him a place to talk about his feelings with people who will understand because they have them, too.

DEAR ABBY: A long time ago, I was dating and living with a wonderful woman. I was arrested and went to jail for possession of cocaine. She then had an order of protection issued against me for one year.

That was 10 years ago. I have been clean from drugs ever since. She has a child with another man now, and I hope everything is great. My problem is, I can't get her out of my mind. I miss her so much and just want the chance to be with her. Any advice? -- HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your former girlfriend has gone on with her life, and your relationship is ancient history. If she had been willing to forgive you, she wouldn't have taken out the restraining order. If you want to be successful in moving forward in your life, stop looking backward. It's time to focus on your future.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for a year and a half, and we have an infant child. I work while my wife stays home. My problem is she doesn't like me playing sports and hanging out with friends.

I have tried to make concessions and cut down playing sports to once a week. (I used to play two or three times a week, but that's not good enough for my wife.) On game night, when I get home she gives me the silent treatment. She used to come to my games but won't now, even though she has girlfriends who attend them.

As for hanging out with my friends, I barely see them anymore -- and when I do, they come here. If they stay any longer than 30 minutes, it causes a problem and my wife again won't talk to me for the rest of the night.

I have tried to compromise, but she feels as though any time I spend away from her and the baby is a no-no. Am I wrong to want to play sports and see my guy friends? I have tried talking to her about this, but she thinks any compromise is basically me doing what I want and her having to deal with it. -- ONTARIO, CANADA, READER

DEAR READER: You should not become a couch potato or become isolated from your friends because you are married and a parent. And neither should your wife. She may resent the time you spend with your friends because she's stuck at home taking care of the baby. You are her only adult company, and in a way she may be jealous that you're enjoying freedom that she can't.

Your wife should not be doing all the parenting. One day or evening a week you should take care of the baby while she takes a break with her friends or family. It could do wonders for your relationship.

If you can agree on this, it could save your marriage. If you can't, then the two of you should get counseling. Marriage isn't supposed to put people in isolation -- and that's what it appears your wife is trying to accomplish with you.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 10 years, the holiday season has brought with it arguments between my wife and me. We both get along with our in-laws and do many things with both sides of our families. But for some reason, my wife makes arrangements for the holidays without discussing them with me first. This year, she told her mom we would host Thanksgiving and that I would have to tell my family we wouldn't be coming to them.

My wife's sisters are not close to their in-laws. Am I wrong to think she should have discussed the matter with me before deciding unilaterally what we're doing for the holidays? Our kids need to see all their grandparents on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh -- our parents live only seven minutes from each other. -- HOLIDAY BLUES IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HOLIDAY BLUES: What your wife did was inconsiderate. You are a couple, and she should have discussed her plan with you before issuing any invitations to see if you were in agreement. If your home is too small to accommodate both sets of in-laws at the same time, a compromise would be to alternate holidays with each set so no family feels excluded.

DEAR ABBY: Is it acceptable to wear a silver dress to a wedding if you are going as a guest and not a member of the bridal party? Or is silver too close to white and therefore taboo? -- INVITEE IN COLLEGE PARK, MD.

DEAR INVITEE: The rule is that wedding guests should not wear anything that might distract attention from the bride. If your dress is silver lame or covered in silver sequins, it would be better to dress less conspicuously.