DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance since 2006. We expected to be married in 2008, but my grandmother died a month before my wedding, and then he was arrested because of charges stemming from a sexual relationship he'd had with a 17-year-old girl he had been counseling.

Since then, we have had a daughter, but through it all there has been cheating, drugs, jail, no job, and constant excuses about why our sex life no longer exists. We have also had physical altercations, which he was arrested for.

I am no longer happy with this relationship. The only reason I stay is because of our children. I'm only 33 and don't want to live my life in misery anymore, but I will sacrifice my happiness for my children. I am confused and don't know what to do. I'm just going through the motions in life. I work full time, coach my son's soccer team and am living with MS.

He does help somewhat, but it would be better if he would get a job. My mother watches my kids while I am working and after they get out of school. He claims because he doesn't have a driver's license he can't get a job. Really? How many people in this world don't drive and still have a job? Please give me some advice. I have reached my breaking point. -- DOING THE BEST I CAN

DEAR DOING THE BEST YOU CAN: You say you are willing to sacrifice your happiness with this loser for your children. Why? You are not married to him, and he is emotionally neglectful, physically abusive and contributes nothing financially. Admit to yourself that the "romance" has been a mistake, and as soon as it's safe, get away from him. If he ever finds a job, the state will help you collect child support, but if he doesn't, you'll have one less mouth to feed.

DEAR ABBY: My mom insists on including my ex-husband and his wife at our family gatherings. I have told her repeatedly that it makes me very uncomfortable, but she even included them in the gift exchange last Christmas. What should I do? Not go?

My sister has already laid a guilt trip on me. Must I go and have Christmas with my ex like we're one big happy family? (If we had been happy, we would not have gotten divorced.) What are your thoughts on this? -- LIVING IN DYSFUNCTION JUNCTION

DEAR LIVING: If you and your ex were married for a long time, I can see why your mother might consider him still part of the family and want to include him. However, out of consideration for your feelings, it should be on a limited basis -- not every holiday. (Could she be trying to punish you because she blames you for the divorce?)

Because it would make you uncomfortable and your mother knows it, make plans to do something you would enjoy -- perhaps a trip out of town to be with friends or to a different climate. And please, don't feel guilty if you do -- regardless of what your sister says.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to your only son who can't even call to tell you he is getting married? He posted it on Facebook, and I was notified via a text from my sister.

Our relationship isn't the issue. He just doesn't seem to be able to use his phone for talking. Your thoughts? -- OUTSIDE THE LOOP IN OREGON

DEAR OUTSIDE THE LOOP: Because your son seems oblivious to the fact that news of this kind should be conveyed to the immediate family personally rather than in a "bulletin," explain to him how it made you feel to receive the news the way you did. He owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman who has been dating a 41-year-old man for seven months. He's wonderful and treats me magnificently. We have similar values and interests and are very much in love. Sadly, although I have always wanted children, he does not.

At my age, I have dated enough men to know that I have found someone special. I realize my choice is either to stay in a relationship with a fabulous partner, knowing we won't have children, or end it, hoping I'll find someone just as wonderful who wants kids.

Your advice in making the hardest decision of my life would be greatly appreciated. -- MATERNAL IN NEW YORK

DEAR MATERNAL: I'll try. Many women in their late 30s find that conceiving a child is complicated, and it can also take longer than they thought. It has taken you 38 years to find this exceptional man, and it could take quite a bit of time to find another one who is so compatible.

Look at it this way: If you married "Mr. Wonderful" and learned afterward that he couldn't father a child, would you leave him? Insist on adopting? Or would you count the many blessings you do have with him and stay?

Many women are happily childless. However, if you're not one of them, you should take your chances and move on -- remembering that there are no guarantees.

DEAR ABBY: I work on a busy street in San Francisco where smokers walk around puffing all day while ignoring those around them. Don't you think they should be considerate enough to smoke at designated areas only and not while walking with their secondhand smoke billowing around other pedestrians?

I have seen pregnant women and children inundated by the smoke as these puffers stroll by with no regard. We nonsmokers would appreciate their courtesy for others because we don't want to inhale what they're smoking. Can you comment? -- HATES THAT HABIT

DEAR HATES THAT HABIT: I hate it, too, but unless there is an ordinance in your city that prohibits smoking on certain sidewalks, I think it's unrealistic to expect smokers who inhale not to exhale.

DEAR READERS: Years ago, a young mother in Arlington, Va., wrote my mother about a book she had received that promised to help parents prepare their children for school by expanding their vocabulary. The "secret"? Reading to them while they are small.

Children learn words by hearing them spoken in context -- the more they hear, the more they absorb. Like everything else, reading is something people will do more of if they enjoy it. When a parent reads to a child, the child associates reading with pleasure.

"The Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease became a huge best-seller when it was published. Penguin Books called it one of the 75 most important books it has published in its history. The book is now in its seventh -- and last -- edition and has been completely revised and updated. If you're a parent who wants your child to succeed, a grandparent, or someone contemplating becoming a parent in the future, pick up a copy.

The first half is filled with the latest research on the importance of literacy for children's success; the rest lists book titles and ages of the youngsters for which they're intended. To learn more about the author, visit www.trelease-on-reading.com. To order the book, go to www.penguin.com. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My little girl was born with a heart defect. She made it through the first heart surgery, but passed away a week later right in front of me while the doctors and nurses tried to save her.

As the date of her death gets closer, I am becoming more and more depressed. How can I remember her and share my memories in a good way when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry? -- HEARTBROKEN MOMMY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: I am so sorry for your loss. A way to remember your little girl and share those memories would be to contact a group called The Compassionate Friends. It's a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child and was started to help families cope with the loss of children of any age and from any cause.

It sponsors a worldwide candle lighting on the second Sunday of December each year. The event is held at 7 p.m. local time and lasts for one hour. Services are also held throughout the day in hundreds of locations in all 50 states and Washington, D.C., as well as in other countries around the world. You can post a memorial message for your daughter in the online memorial book.

To locate a service near you and learn more about the work this organization does and what it offers, visit www.compassionatefriends.org, or call toll-free 877-969-0010. This is a valuable resource for anyone who has lost a child.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a business trip that required me to share meals with my co-workers. I became the target of criticism from them over my eating habits because I like to eat my dessert first. It doesn't keep me from eating the rest of the meal; I just do it in a different order than most people.

When the subject came up, I tried to explain that because I wasn't allowed to do it as a child, I swore that when I was an adult, I'd eat my food in any order I wanted. But lately, it has failed to diffuse the tension.

I don't think I'm being rude. I do this only at restaurants where it's possible to order dessert at the same time as the meal. I'd never do it when I'm a guest in someone's home.

Do you think I'm being rude? Should I eat in a more conventional way to avoid flak from people I'm dining with? -- SWEET TOOTH IN COLORADO

DEAR SWEET TOOTH: I'm not your mother, so I'll refrain from lecturing you about the empty calories you consume, which reduce your appetite for the healthy food you "should" be eating at mealtime. And yes, I do think what you're doing is rude because it is obviously making your eating companions uncomfortable, or you wouldn't be getting flak along with your dessert.

DEAR ABBY: After 31 years of marriage, my wife and I have split up. We love each other, but after the kids moved out we realized we have little in common.

What is an appropriate Christmas gift for an ex-wife? We are on friendly terms and will probably spend the holidays together with our children. I don't want to give a gift that will offend or encourage her. -- FREE MAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FREE MAN: How about a gift card from her favorite store, or a lovely scarf or colorful shawl, or if she has a hobby, something to do with it? None of them would send the wrong message.