DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman who has been dating a 41-year-old man for seven months. He's wonderful and treats me magnificently. We have similar values and interests and are very much in love. Sadly, although I have always wanted children, he does not.

At my age, I have dated enough men to know that I have found someone special. I realize my choice is either to stay in a relationship with a fabulous partner, knowing we won't have children, or end it, hoping I'll find someone just as wonderful who wants kids.

Your advice in making the hardest decision of my life would be greatly appreciated. -- MATERNAL IN NEW YORK

DEAR MATERNAL: I'll try. Many women in their late 30s find that conceiving a child is complicated, and it can also take longer than they thought. It has taken you 38 years to find this exceptional man, and it could take quite a bit of time to find another one who is so compatible.

Look at it this way: If you married "Mr. Wonderful" and learned afterward that he couldn't father a child, would you leave him? Insist on adopting? Or would you count the many blessings you do have with him and stay?

Many women are happily childless. However, if you're not one of them, you should take your chances and move on -- remembering that there are no guarantees.

DEAR ABBY: I work on a busy street in San Francisco where smokers walk around puffing all day while ignoring those around them. Don't you think they should be considerate enough to smoke at designated areas only and not while walking with their secondhand smoke billowing around other pedestrians?

I have seen pregnant women and children inundated by the smoke as these puffers stroll by with no regard. We nonsmokers would appreciate their courtesy for others because we don't want to inhale what they're smoking. Can you comment? -- HATES THAT HABIT

DEAR HATES THAT HABIT: I hate it, too, but unless there is an ordinance in your city that prohibits smoking on certain sidewalks, I think it's unrealistic to expect smokers who inhale not to exhale.

DEAR READERS: Years ago, a young mother in Arlington, Va., wrote my mother about a book she had received that promised to help parents prepare their children for school by expanding their vocabulary. The "secret"? Reading to them while they are small.

Children learn words by hearing them spoken in context -- the more they hear, the more they absorb. Like everything else, reading is something people will do more of if they enjoy it. When a parent reads to a child, the child associates reading with pleasure.

"The Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease became a huge best-seller when it was published. Penguin Books called it one of the 75 most important books it has published in its history. The book is now in its seventh -- and last -- edition and has been completely revised and updated. If you're a parent who wants your child to succeed, a grandparent, or someone contemplating becoming a parent in the future, pick up a copy.

The first half is filled with the latest research on the importance of literacy for children's success; the rest lists book titles and ages of the youngsters for which they're intended. To learn more about the author, visit www.trelease-on-reading.com. To order the book, go to www.penguin.com. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My little girl was born with a heart defect. She made it through the first heart surgery, but passed away a week later right in front of me while the doctors and nurses tried to save her.

As the date of her death gets closer, I am becoming more and more depressed. How can I remember her and share my memories in a good way when all I want to do is stay in bed and cry? -- HEARTBROKEN MOMMY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: I am so sorry for your loss. A way to remember your little girl and share those memories would be to contact a group called The Compassionate Friends. It's a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child and was started to help families cope with the loss of children of any age and from any cause.

It sponsors a worldwide candle lighting on the second Sunday of December each year. The event is held at 7 p.m. local time and lasts for one hour. Services are also held throughout the day in hundreds of locations in all 50 states and Washington, D.C., as well as in other countries around the world. You can post a memorial message for your daughter in the online memorial book.

To locate a service near you and learn more about the work this organization does and what it offers, visit www.compassionatefriends.org, or call toll-free 877-969-0010. This is a valuable resource for anyone who has lost a child.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a business trip that required me to share meals with my co-workers. I became the target of criticism from them over my eating habits because I like to eat my dessert first. It doesn't keep me from eating the rest of the meal; I just do it in a different order than most people.

When the subject came up, I tried to explain that because I wasn't allowed to do it as a child, I swore that when I was an adult, I'd eat my food in any order I wanted. But lately, it has failed to diffuse the tension.

I don't think I'm being rude. I do this only at restaurants where it's possible to order dessert at the same time as the meal. I'd never do it when I'm a guest in someone's home.

Do you think I'm being rude? Should I eat in a more conventional way to avoid flak from people I'm dining with? -- SWEET TOOTH IN COLORADO

DEAR SWEET TOOTH: I'm not your mother, so I'll refrain from lecturing you about the empty calories you consume, which reduce your appetite for the healthy food you "should" be eating at mealtime. And yes, I do think what you're doing is rude because it is obviously making your eating companions uncomfortable, or you wouldn't be getting flak along with your dessert.

DEAR ABBY: After 31 years of marriage, my wife and I have split up. We love each other, but after the kids moved out we realized we have little in common.

What is an appropriate Christmas gift for an ex-wife? We are on friendly terms and will probably spend the holidays together with our children. I don't want to give a gift that will offend or encourage her. -- FREE MAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FREE MAN: How about a gift card from her favorite store, or a lovely scarf or colorful shawl, or if she has a hobby, something to do with it? None of them would send the wrong message.

DEAR ABBY: I am ready to explode. My father-in-law dotes on my 16-year-old daughter, who is his only grandchild. The biggest issue, aside from his overspending, is that he takes her to and from school every day and then expects to stay and visit.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to sit and chitchat with him about the same old stuff over and over. My husband doesn't want to be involved. (He doesn't get home until after his father has left, anyway.) It would probably end up in a nasty fight.

I want to politely make "Dad" understand that he doesn't need to come in every single day. I know he will think we are being negative or against him personally, and from past events, I don't want to come across in this manner. Please help. -- TOO MUCH OF A "GOOD" THING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TOO MUCH: Obviously, your father-in-law doesn't have enough going on in his life to fill his time. Things won't change until you manage to set some boundaries.

It would not be "negative against him" if you had to go out and run errands or your daughter had to do homework after she gets home from school. It would also not be negative, since you don't have time to sit and chat, to ask him to pitch in and help with the chores.

You might also suggest that he do some volunteer work to fill his time. But you will have to schedule a time for him to feel welcome -- perhaps a Sunday dinner -- when your husband is home and can help to entertain his father.

DEAR ABBY: We are the parents of two adult children. We have always lived below our means so we could save for college expenses and retirement. Now that our two sons have finished college (with no debt), we splurged and purchased two luxury vehicles.

Our oldest son, "Sam," lives in another state but comes into town for business and pleasure, and when he does, he wants to borrow one of our cars. Although Sam has a good driving record, we are hesitant to loan him one of them. He is no longer on our car policy and can well afford to rent a car.

Sam is upset with us and says from now on he will stay with friends. I offered to share the rental expense, but my husband said Sam is an adult now and responsible for his own expenses. Are we being unreasonable by not letting him borrow one of our cars? -- CONFLICTED IN DALLAS

DEAR CONFLICTED: You have been generous with your children. Many students finish college with a mountain of debt. It appears that Sam is less interested in what you have done for him than what you will do. He's acting like a spoiled brat, and I hope you will stick to your guns because your husband is right.

DEAR ABBY: Over many years of travel in the U.S. and Europe, I have collected postcards picturing the main sights. Now it is time to toss the trip memorabilia, but the cards are in pristine condition. Any suggestion as to what could be done with them? -- GLOBETROTTER OUT WEST

DEAR GLOBETROTTER: If there are schools in your area that offer art classes to the students, you might be able to donate the postcards as material to be used in art projects. Or contact nearby senior centers and ask if they would like to have them to be used for discussion groups or art classes. (They would be wonderful for decoupage projects.)