DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have the same argument every year around Thanksgiving. He says there is a difference between stuffing and dressing. I say they're the same thing, except that stuffing is baked in the turkey, while dressing is baked separately in a casserole dish.

My husband insists I'm wrong -- that the difference has nothing to do with how it's cooked. He thinks stuffing is made with regular bread, while dressing is made with cornbread.

The debate is driving me crazy. Will you please tell me who is right? -- STUFFING VS. DRESSING IN OHIO

DEAR STUFFING VS. DRESSING: The terms "dressing" and "stuffing" are interchangeable. They refer to a seasoned mixture used to stuff meat or poultry. It makes no difference what kind of bread is used.

Some tips: If you plan to stuff your turkey, be sure all the ingredients are pre-cooked (i.e. vegetables, fruit, meat, seafood). Using pasteurized liquid eggs is safer than using raw eggs. The bird should be loosely stuffed, not packed because stuffing expands while cooking, and the turkey should be stuffed right before it is put into the oven, never ahead of time.

The stuffing takes the longest of the bird's components to reach the desired safe temperature (165 degrees). Once the stuffing is in the turkey, it should not be removed until the turkey is ready to be carved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have lived here for 20 years, and so have our lovely, gracious and caring neighbors. We haven't had any new neighbors for years -- until now.

My husband has met the couple in passing, but I haven't yet. There has been a lot of activity over there, what with moving in, etc. As a neighbor, when and how should I approach them and offer my welcome to the neighborhood? Should I bring them something? If so, what's the best thing? -- KATE IN QUINCY, MASS.

DEAR KATE: I can tell by your question that the folks in your neighborhood are indeed "lovely, gracious and caring." The first thing you should bring the new neighbors is a warm smile. And it wouldn't hurt if along with it you brought a plate of edible treats and an offer to refer them to the nearest market, dry cleaner, your shoe repair shop and a reliable plumber.

DEAR ABBY: My dad came into my room and told me he and my mom were having problems -- that they were thinking about getting divorced. I can't imagine living without them or having to choose who I want to live with. Every child needs her mother, but Dad is the one who has always been there for me. Should I just live with my grandparents and see how that works out? What should I do? -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: It was wrong of your father to talk to you about this before anything had been decided between him and your mother. I realize that my telling you not to worry about this would do no good because being upset is perfectly natural in these circumstances. Your father may have spoken prematurely, so keep that in mind.

You should talk to both of your parents about this. If you are close to your grandparents, discuss it with them, too, since you feel you might like to live with them to avoid hurting either parent.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl. Recently I made a new friend, "Mandy," and confided to her about my dark past of depression. When I explained how I used to cut myself, she burst into tears and told me she had cut herself the day before. I didn't expect that response.

I know from experience that what Mandy is doing is not a good way to handle things. What stopped me from cutting was getting a permanent scar from it. Although plenty of people told me that cutting was no way to deal with my pain, the only one I listened to in the end was myself.

I really want Mandy to stop. I told her not to do it, but I'm afraid she will anyway. She's an amazing person, and she doesn't deserve the pain she is causing herself. How can I help her? -- BEEN THERE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BEEN THERE: Continue encouraging your friend to stop cutting, but if she's not able to, she may need professional help to quit. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

A counselor at school might be able to help if Mandy is willing to talk to one. But if she isn't, then tell your mother about this so she can let Mandy's mother know what's going on. Cutting can be a sign of serious depression, and secrets of this kind are destructive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and in college on a scholarship. I have decided to declare an art major. I have found a part-time job that will give me a little extra income -- figure modeling for some of the art classes. This would include both clothed and nude modeling.

It isn't the only job I plan on taking, but it will help me out for the time being. Studying the human figure is essential for any art student, and it is something that has been done for centuries. When I told my parents, it was not well-received.

My mother strongly disagreed with my choice and handed the phone to my sister, who told me if I want to take my clothes off I should be a stripper. Abby, this hurt me deeply. My dad is worried that it will ruin my reputation. I find it hypocritical because my mom was an art major and her portfolio contains nude figures she drew.

My school is diligent about the safety and respect of its models, and I trust them. I'd like to take this job for the experience, and it will allow me to make more connections within the department I'll be studying in for the next two years.

I'm not looking for my parents' approval, but I wish they would attempt to understand. What would you suggest? -- SERIOUS STUDENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SERIOUS STUDENT: Having studied figure drawing myself years ago, I can attest to the fact that models of all ages were used -- both nude and clothed. There was nothing lurid or sexual about it, and the models were not posed in a suggestive manner or being ogled.

If you wish to display your body in the context of an art class, you shouldn't have to justify it to your parents or your sister. Your mother appears to have a short memory, and your sister's comment was out of line.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old son still calls me Mommy. My daughter, who is two years older, calls me Mom. I don't want to hurt my son's feelings, but I think at his age he should transition to calling me Mom. What do you think? Should I just give it time, or is there an age limit for calling one's mother Mommy? -- JUST MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST MOM: I think you should keep your mouth shut. There is nothing shameful or wrong about a son calling his mother Mommy if that is what he has done all his life. Frankly, it's rather sweet, and it's far more loving than some of the names people have written to me when referring to their mothers.

DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter is out of control and has been since she was 16. She has a 2-year-old daughter, but she lives her life on the edge. She spends her days on the Internet meeting strange men and going out with them in private places. On the weekends, she drops her daughter here and takes off.

She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and prostitution, but swears she only drinks alcohol now. I get so worried and upset I find myself yelling at her and trying to prevent her from leaving with these strange men. She thinks I'm trying to control her life when I'm actually trying to save her.

What should I do? I'm getting too old to be stressing out about what she's doing and who she's with. -- STRESSED-OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: You can't "save" your daughter. Until she realizes she needs help, and is willing to accept it and change her life, she is unreachable. You can, however, talk to an attorney about gaining legal custody of your grandchild.

Terrible things can happen to women who do what your daughter is doing. That little girl needs safety, consistency and stability, and it appears you are the only relative she has who is capable of giving it to her. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I read the obituaries in our local newspaper every day to see if someone I know has died. But when I don't see any familiar name, I feel let down and disappointed. Is that weird? -- STILL ALIVE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL ALIVE: People read the obituary section for various reasons, including the fact that some of the deceased have lived very interesting lives. Some do it hoping they won't find their own name listed. If they see the name of an acquaintance, they may feel sadness at the loss or sympathy for the family, knowing each death leaves a hole in someone's heart. But to feel "let down" seems to me like a lack of empathy, and in my opinion, it is weird.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that it is the job of retail workers to help customers. We are not "liars" or "stupid" because our store happens to be out of a toy that an angry parent "must" have this holiday season. It is amazing how this year's hot toy item can turn parents into monsters.

I had one parent ask me after finding out that we were out of stock on a certain toy, "What am I supposed to do now?" I suggested looking online, but what I really wanted to say was, "Take your kids to help out at a homeless shelter so they can count their blessings!" -- SANTA'S HELPER IN IOWA CITY

DEAR SANTA'S HELPER: I'll remind them, but the parents you describe are under pressure because they don't want to disappoint their kids. To the panicked parent who asks, "What am I supposed to do now?" you could respond by saying, "Now you go to Plan B." Then suggest some other toy the child would like -- even though it's not his or her No. 1 choice. While I think the comment you would like to make (but keep suppressing) is an excellent suggestion, it would not be an appropriate one to make in a situation like this.