DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl. Recently I made a new friend, "Mandy," and confided to her about my dark past of depression. When I explained how I used to cut myself, she burst into tears and told me she had cut herself the day before. I didn't expect that response.

I know from experience that what Mandy is doing is not a good way to handle things. What stopped me from cutting was getting a permanent scar from it. Although plenty of people told me that cutting was no way to deal with my pain, the only one I listened to in the end was myself.

I really want Mandy to stop. I told her not to do it, but I'm afraid she will anyway. She's an amazing person, and she doesn't deserve the pain she is causing herself. How can I help her? -- BEEN THERE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BEEN THERE: Continue encouraging your friend to stop cutting, but if she's not able to, she may need professional help to quit. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

A counselor at school might be able to help if Mandy is willing to talk to one. But if she isn't, then tell your mother about this so she can let Mandy's mother know what's going on. Cutting can be a sign of serious depression, and secrets of this kind are destructive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and in college on a scholarship. I have decided to declare an art major. I have found a part-time job that will give me a little extra income -- figure modeling for some of the art classes. This would include both clothed and nude modeling.

It isn't the only job I plan on taking, but it will help me out for the time being. Studying the human figure is essential for any art student, and it is something that has been done for centuries. When I told my parents, it was not well-received.

My mother strongly disagreed with my choice and handed the phone to my sister, who told me if I want to take my clothes off I should be a stripper. Abby, this hurt me deeply. My dad is worried that it will ruin my reputation. I find it hypocritical because my mom was an art major and her portfolio contains nude figures she drew.

My school is diligent about the safety and respect of its models, and I trust them. I'd like to take this job for the experience, and it will allow me to make more connections within the department I'll be studying in for the next two years.

I'm not looking for my parents' approval, but I wish they would attempt to understand. What would you suggest? -- SERIOUS STUDENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SERIOUS STUDENT: Having studied figure drawing myself years ago, I can attest to the fact that models of all ages were used -- both nude and clothed. There was nothing lurid or sexual about it, and the models were not posed in a suggestive manner or being ogled.

If you wish to display your body in the context of an art class, you shouldn't have to justify it to your parents or your sister. Your mother appears to have a short memory, and your sister's comment was out of line.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old son still calls me Mommy. My daughter, who is two years older, calls me Mom. I don't want to hurt my son's feelings, but I think at his age he should transition to calling me Mom. What do you think? Should I just give it time, or is there an age limit for calling one's mother Mommy? -- JUST MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST MOM: I think you should keep your mouth shut. There is nothing shameful or wrong about a son calling his mother Mommy if that is what he has done all his life. Frankly, it's rather sweet, and it's far more loving than some of the names people have written to me when referring to their mothers.

DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter is out of control and has been since she was 16. She has a 2-year-old daughter, but she lives her life on the edge. She spends her days on the Internet meeting strange men and going out with them in private places. On the weekends, she drops her daughter here and takes off.

She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and prostitution, but swears she only drinks alcohol now. I get so worried and upset I find myself yelling at her and trying to prevent her from leaving with these strange men. She thinks I'm trying to control her life when I'm actually trying to save her.

What should I do? I'm getting too old to be stressing out about what she's doing and who she's with. -- STRESSED-OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: You can't "save" your daughter. Until she realizes she needs help, and is willing to accept it and change her life, she is unreachable. You can, however, talk to an attorney about gaining legal custody of your grandchild.

Terrible things can happen to women who do what your daughter is doing. That little girl needs safety, consistency and stability, and it appears you are the only relative she has who is capable of giving it to her. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I read the obituaries in our local newspaper every day to see if someone I know has died. But when I don't see any familiar name, I feel let down and disappointed. Is that weird? -- STILL ALIVE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL ALIVE: People read the obituary section for various reasons, including the fact that some of the deceased have lived very interesting lives. Some do it hoping they won't find their own name listed. If they see the name of an acquaintance, they may feel sadness at the loss or sympathy for the family, knowing each death leaves a hole in someone's heart. But to feel "let down" seems to me like a lack of empathy, and in my opinion, it is weird.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that it is the job of retail workers to help customers. We are not "liars" or "stupid" because our store happens to be out of a toy that an angry parent "must" have this holiday season. It is amazing how this year's hot toy item can turn parents into monsters.

I had one parent ask me after finding out that we were out of stock on a certain toy, "What am I supposed to do now?" I suggested looking online, but what I really wanted to say was, "Take your kids to help out at a homeless shelter so they can count their blessings!" -- SANTA'S HELPER IN IOWA CITY

DEAR SANTA'S HELPER: I'll remind them, but the parents you describe are under pressure because they don't want to disappoint their kids. To the panicked parent who asks, "What am I supposed to do now?" you could respond by saying, "Now you go to Plan B." Then suggest some other toy the child would like -- even though it's not his or her No. 1 choice. While I think the comment you would like to make (but keep suppressing) is an excellent suggestion, it would not be an appropriate one to make in a situation like this.

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband very much. Until the last few years there have never been any problems in our 20-year marriage. I have depression and epilepsy, and I am on five different medications for them.

Sometimes when I have come out of a seizure, I have found that my clothes have been removed and my husband is "touching" me. Also, because the medication puts me into a deep sleep at night, I have half-awakened to him having sex with me. I am so groggy I can't respond. Is this right? I feel like I have been violated, but I haven't said anything to him. This causes me to cringe most of the time when he touches me now.

I'd like to get back to a normal love life, but I can't get over what he does to me when I'm not fully aware. How do I tell him I know what he has been doing without ruining my marriage? -- FEELING VIOLATED IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR FEELING VIOLATED: You feel violated because what your husband is doing is called spousal rape, and it's a criminal offense. Having sex with someone who is so doped up she (or he) can't give consent is a sexual assault. Tell your husband you know what he has been doing, how you feel about it and that you would prefer that the two of you make love while you are wide awake and able to fully enjoy it. This should be discussed with a marriage counselor and, if necessary, the police.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a married father of two very young children (2 and 6 months). I have excessive student loan debt that is making my life extremely tough, and between that, day care and my mortgage, I'm on the brink of bankruptcy.

My mother is extremely wealthy. She is very involved with my family and we both do things to help each other out. I mow the grass in her large yard every week.

She sees me struggling, yet she makes no offer to help financially. I am becoming resentful about it. If she helped, it would not change her lifestyle at all. My wife's family is the opposite. Her parents aren't wealthy, but they have done everything within their power to help their children. I know how I will treat my kids.

Am I wrong to feel resentment because my mother has decided differently? Or should I just "grow up"? -- FRUSTRATED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If you have discussed with your mother that you are under extreme financial pressure and she has refused to help, then I can see why you might feel some resentment. My question is, have you talked to her about it? That would be the "grown-up" thing to do. The worst she can say is no. If she does, what you will need to do is take a part-time job to help with the bills -- even if it means you mow your mother's lawn less often.

DEAR ABBY: Next month will be our 25th anniversary. My wife and I are permanently separated, but will not divorce because she would lose health coverage under my employer's plan. How do I acknowledge this "landmark" -- or should I just ignore it, since it isn't really a celebratory event? -- NOT QUITE AN EX IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT QUITE AN EX: If you and your wife are on speaking terms, call her and say something nice. Or send her a card. If you're not on friendly terms, then diplomatically ignore the landmark.