DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner, "Harold," for 11 years. After gay marriage passed here in Minnesota, Harold told me he didn't want to marry me because of my credit rating. I find this insulting and humiliating. Worse, the day marriage equality passed, we were with some friends of mine, and he bluntly told them, "I don't want to marry him because of his FICO score!" It was very embarrassing.
I have also learned that Harold has been telling anyone he knows some of my private information. What can I say to him to get him to stop revealing things about me to people we don't know well? I have asked him plenty of times not to mention my private life to others, but he still brings up information I'd prefer others not know.
Should I end the relationship? I think in some way if I do, that I'll be better off without him. But after 11 years and all that he's done for me, I'd feel really sad. I'd appreciate any advice you give me. -- FRUSTRATED IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that after all these years you have much time and emotion invested in your relationship with Harold. Although I'm sure he has many virtues, sensitivity and discretion do not appear to be among them. It would be interesting to know if Harold would be willing to marry you if your FICO score improved, or if he's using it as an excuse because he doesn't want a legal commitment.
Even if the two of you did marry, you would still have a partner who lacks discretion about what should be private. If this is important to you, Harold may not be the spouse for you because he isn't likely to change.
Couples counseling could help you decide what to do next. Inquire at your nearest gay and lesbian community center about any seminars it offers for longtime couples on this important subject. Just because people can marry doesn't necessarily mean they should.