DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee in my 40s who is in a committed relationship with a man who is also divorced. Neither of our marriages were happy ones. We stayed in them for all the wrong reasons. We have been together for three years, live together, love each other unconditionally and have talked extensively about getting married.

My question is, am I wrong to expect a traditional proposal with an engagement ring? It is important to me that he would think enough of me to plan one. I feel if he did it for his first wife, he should do the same -- or more -- for me. Would it be in bad taste to mention this? -- ASKING TOO MUCH? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ASKING TOO MUCH?: Unless one of your companion's attributes is clairvoyance, express your feelings. He may not be aware that you would feel somehow cheated if he doesn't come forth with a gesture that is "equal or better" than what his ex received. Consider carefully what resulted from that first fancy proposal.

An essential ingredient in a successful relationship is the ability to express one's wants and needs to the other partner. I would only suggest that when you do, your thoughts are couched as a request and not a demand.

DEAR ABBY: Enlighten me, please. A friend told me her daughter is expecting. She has not said one word about a boyfriend or marriage. How do I diplomatically ask, "Who is the father?"

People in my generation already knew the answer. Marriage came first. Is this now "none of my business"? The grandma-to-be has offered no clue. Can you help me out? -- OUT OF THE LOOP OUT WEST

DEAR OUT OF THE LOOP: If Grandma-to-be is keeping mum, you can bet there's a reason. If the father was Prince Harry, she would be trumpeting it from the rooftops. Your friend may not know who the father is or have some other reason for not disclosing it. Unless you want to tiptoe through a minefield, my advice is don't go there.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl who suffers from what I'm afraid is obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have known for four years, but I never told my parents. I finally opened up to them a few days ago, and I thought they wanted to help. But later I heard them mock my condition and laugh about it.

Abby, I thought my parents wanted to help me, but it's becoming clear that they don't. They have offered me therapy, but I'm scared they will mock me for that, too. Now I'm afraid to go. Should I? -- O.C.D. DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: When people don't understand something, unfortunately they sometimes laugh at it. However, are you absolutely certain that what your parents were laughing about concerned you and not something else? I find it hard to believe that loving parents would laugh at their child's discomfort.

You should by all means take them up on their offer of talking to a therapist. It is the surest way to find a solution for your problem. And when you do, tell the therapist you think you heard your parents laugh about your problem, because if it's true and they are not aware of how serious the problem may be, the therapist can explain it to them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married, heterosexual cross-dressing male. My wife understands and is supportive, and we have a wonderful life together.

During the past week I have been caught unexpectedly by three different neighbors, and we are now in a state of panic. We're not sure what to do. If you have any suggestions, we are all ears. -- CAUGHT IN A PANIC

DEAR CAUGHT: Because you would prefer to keep your cross-dressing private and this is October, you could tell your neighbors your female attire is what you'll be wearing to a costume party. It's plausible.

However, when someone is "caught" engaging in a private activity once -- that's an accident. When it happens three times in one week, I can't help but wonder whether on some level you would like to be more open about your lifestyle.

If you're not aware, a resource, The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), offers support for heterosexual cross-dressers as well as their spouses, partners and families. It has been in my column before and is the oldest and largest support organization for cross-dressers and those who love them. It promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their cross-dressers. You can learn more about it at www.tri-ess.org.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend's husband has been texting me. When he did it the first time, he had been drinking and my friend was asleep. Some of the things he said made me uncomfortable, but I also didn't like that he said his wife didn't know what he was doing. He stopped after I told him I was uncomfortable with it.

Now he has started up again, offering support because my mother passed away recently. I am honestly not sure whether he's trying to be a good friend or if he's looking for something more, and that scares me. I don't want to start trouble between my friend and her husband, especially because they seem so happy together. Any ideas on how to handle this? -- UNSETTLED IN OHIO

DEAR UNSETTLED: Yes. Your friend's husband may be a genuinely sympathetic person -- or he could be trying to take advantage of you while you're emotionally vulnerable. Listen to your gut. Tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness, but you already have a support system in place and are receiving all of the emotional support you need.

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old cousin died in 2010, and I'm still hurting. I have tried to get over it, but we were really close. When I walk the halls at school, I hear people say bad things about him. When I bring his name up, no one has anything good to say about him. It seems like they don't really care that he was my cousin and I loved him.

How can I ask these people not to say bad things about him? -- HURTING IN INDIANA

DEAR HURTING: Because people forget that the young man who died was your relative, feel free to remind them. All you need to say is: "You know, he was my cousin and we were close. I still miss him, and I wish you wouldn't say things like that about him when I'm around."

Losing a relative at any age is hard, but when the person is young, it can be even harder. Because you are still hurting and it has been three years, consider talking about this with a school counselor or joining a grief support group. Your clergyperson can help you locate one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm never happy with just one partner. It's not that I want to go out and have a different man every night of the week -- just some options. I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship, so seeing other men is OK. But my boyfriend is now asking me why I feel the way I do because he is considering becoming monogamous again.

I crave something different from man to man and seek whatever the other one doesn't have. I have been with my fair share of guys, yet there doesn't seem to be one person who has all the qualities I need in my life. Should I just stay single and noncommittal forever? -- FICKLE IN FORT WAYNE

DEAR FICKLE: Perhaps not forever, but for now, yes, until you meet someone who has more of the qualifications you're looking for. When you do, you may finally realize that in successful relationships some degree of compromise is always involved.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful woman I have been friends with for years. I was always secretly in love with her. We are very happy together.

The only problem is that her ex-husband, from whom she has been divorced for four years, was violent. If I try to brush her hair away from her face or make a sudden movement of any kind, she flinches or panics.

I have never been violent with anyone, and I know she has PTSD from her past marriage. How should I sensitively broach the subject of counseling to deal with this serious issue? -- CONCERNED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONCERNED: When it happens again, tell your wife calmly that you know it's a reflex and see if you can get her to tell you why it happens. At that point you could suggest she talk to a counselor because you love her and would never hurt her, and when she flinches, it hurts you that she's still carrying around this heavy baggage.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful woman I have been friends with for years. I was always secretly in love with her. We are very happy together.

The only problem is that her ex-husband, from whom she has been divorced for four years, was violent. If I try to brush her hair away from her face or make a sudden movement of any kind, she flinches or panics.

I have never been violent with anyone, and I know she has PTSD from her past marriage. How should I sensitively broach the subject of counseling to deal with this serious issue? -- CONCERNED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONCERNED: When it happens again, tell your wife calmly that you know it's a reflex and see if you can get her to tell you why it happens. At that point you could suggest she talk to a counselor because you love her and would never hurt her, and when she flinches, it hurts you that she's still carrying around this heavy baggage.