DEAR ABBY: I'm three months pregnant. Before I got pregnant, my husband and I enjoyed having wine with dinner or a margarita when we were out on the town. We didn't drink to excess, but have enjoyed alcohol in moderation.

Obviously, I can't drink anymore, but my husband carries on like nothing has changed. I'm becoming resentful every time we go out to eat.

I asked him once if he'd quit drinking until our baby arrives. He looked shocked and said, "Why? I'm not pregnant." I guess I feel left out because he's having fun. I want him to suffer with me, and this is really getting on my nerves. Any advice? -- RESENTFUL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR RESENTFUL: Yes. If you feel you are missing out on "fun" if you can't drink, you have a potential alcohol problem. Tell your husband that when he drinks in front of you, it makes you crave alcohol, and ask again that he respect your feelings and not do it. A considerate husband and father-to-be should respect that you are doing the heavy lifting (literally) and help all he can.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old man who was born disabled. I have not had a date in years. I'd like to date and have a girlfriend, but when women look at me, all they see is my wheelchair.

I'm a good person, well-mannered, respectful, caring and compassionate. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- LONELY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONELY: I'm glad you wrote because it's important that you not allow yourself to be isolated. Get out and participate in activities you enjoy that include like-minded people. While you may have been born disabled, I'm sure you have abilities and talents that would be welcomed if you choose to volunteer them.

If you haven't already, search the various online dating sites for both disabled and nondisabled individuals or contact a disability advocacy organization for guidance or to help you get access. Seek advice within the disabled community (in person or online) from individuals who have more experience with dating than you do. They can also help you navigate any physical barriers that might prevent you from dating, if that's an issue.

There's a saying, "Seek and ye shall find," and it applies in your situation. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's much older sister has no problem calling to ask for money, but never calls just to say hello or to see how he's doing. This has been going on for almost 10 years. She'll tell us she or her sons need it for bills or school expenses.

He has talked to her about it, but nothing has changed. We both work hard, while she refuses to ask the children's father for a cent. Should we continue to give her money because it may affect our nephews if we don't? -- AUNT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR AUNT: That you have tolerated this for 10 years tells me you and your husband are kindhearted and responsible people, and I respect that. However, fathers have a legal responsibility to support their children, and your sister-in-law should make sure it happens whether that involves hiring an attorney to help or applying for funds from the state to see her boys are taken care of. If you must give her money, give her enough for a consultation with an attorney because "Sissie" appears to have been using you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 21, and my 16-year-old sister is out of control. She told me she smokes marijuana, drinks alcohol, abuses painkillers and recently mentioned she does coke.

Abby, she is beautiful, and I don't want to see her do this to herself. She's living with me about an hour away from my parents because Dad is an alcoholic and he abuses our mother. I brought my sister here to get her away from all that because I know what it was like growing up there.

I'm having trouble giving her advice to stay away from those things because I did them, and I feel like a hypocrite. My parents can't get through to her, either. Please help. -- TRYING TO BE A BIG SIS

DEAR TRYING: You're lucky you were able to straighten out without becoming addicted to any of the substances you experimented with, but your sister may not be so lucky. Because she's out of control, you must step in and put a stop to it for her sake.

Your sister needs counseling, and if she is going to remain your responsibility, it is imperative that you assert control. Talk to her school counselor about getting her the help she needs. You may have to drug-test your sister on a random basis as a condition of her continuing to live with you. Kits are available at your pharmacy.

Stop feeling guilty, stay strong, and you may be able to steer your sister back on the right path.

DEAR ABBY: The "rule" that white pants can be worn only from Memorial Day to Labor Day needs to be amended. I love my white pants. They go with nearly everything, and I almost cry when they must be stored away for another nine months. Ridiculous! My proposal would be to extend the grace period so it begins on Easter Sunday and lasts until Halloween. How does that sound? -- MARILYN IN SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR MARILYN: You will be delighted to know that according to "Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th Edition," that old rule about wearing white no longer applies. What's important isn't the color, but the weight of the fabric.

Here in Southern California, summer can start late and continue through October. Lightweight fabrics such as cotton and linen are acceptable during hot weather, and when the temperature drops, "winter whites" in wool, corduroy, silk and satin are common, although usually in off-white shades rather than a stark one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman who still lives at home. I have been working for the last five years and have saved enough to live comfortably on my own. Unfortunately, my parents have forbidden me to do it because they think I'm being manipulated into it by my boyfriend, that I just want to "do whatever I want" and be out until late (although I'm rarely up past 9 p.m. and they know it), and because I "can't stand them" anymore.

I have no privacy! My mail is opened "mistakenly" and my calls are listened in on even when I politely -- and sometimes angrily -- ask them not to. They have even imposed a rule that I must show them my bank balance weekly.

They have told me I will not leave the house without being married first. I would like to live on my own before I actually marry so I can experience what it's like. This is something I have always wanted to do. If I do move out, they say I'll "bring shame and embarrassment" to the family.

There seems to be a double standard going on here because my older brother has his girlfriend sleep over. How can I accommodate my parents without being disowned? -- FEELING HELPLESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: Your parents have chosen to ignore that you are an adult, self-supporting and entitled to make your own choices. They may be well-meaning, but they are extremely heavy-handed. Their hyper-vigilance -- opening your mail, eavesdropping on your phone calls and insisting on checking your bank balance weekly -- is over the top. They would like you to be "safely" married before you leave their protection.

Is their problem that they disapprove of your boyfriend? If you get a place of your own, do you plan on moving him in? If that's not the case, there is no reason why your living independently might shame or embarrass them.

Not knowing your parents, I can't judge whether their threat to disown you is serious or not. However, if it is, realize it's a form of blackmail, and you will have to decide which is more important -- your freedom or their support.

DEAR ABBY: "Lights Out in Federal Way, Wash." (Aug. 13) asked if it was a "sign" that her deceased parents were watching over her when streetlights would go out as she drove under them on her way home.

I understand your desire to give encouragement to someone who has lost her loved ones, but don't you know that many streetlights are light-activated so that after headlights hit them in just the right way they will turn off? After you pass under them, it becomes dark enough again and they will turn back on within a few minutes.

While I'm sure that given the opportunity this girl's parents would watch over her, the streetlights she described have nothing to do with the paranormal but have a scientific and logical explanation. -- SOMEONE'S WATCHING IN GUILFORD, MO.

DEAR WATCHING: While many readers shared similar experiences, the majority had a logical explanation as you did. However, I still feel that if what she's experiencing brings her comfort, the important thing is what she chooses to believe.