life

Parents Disdain Marriage After Failure of Their Own

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 7th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and a college graduate. My boyfriend, "Jordan," and I have been together for a year and we would like to get married. However, my parents are against the idea. They love Jordan, but they think marriage is stupid because, in 2013, "Who is getting married?"

I think this is totally ridiculous, but I don't know what to do. I want to be married and I would love my parents' approval, but it's hard when they call me stupid for wanting to take that step just because their marriage didn't work out.

I love Jordan and I love my parents. Should I have to choose between the two? -- TOTALLY TORN

DEAR TOTALLY TORN: You do not have to choose between your parents and being married. At 24, you are an adult and mature enough to make your own decision about the importance of the institution.

As to the question of "who is getting married" these days, one answer is people with college degrees are marrying at a greater rate than those with only a high school education -- and their unions are more lasting. I'm sorry your parents' marriage didn't work out, but you would be foolish to let their cynical opinion of this kind of commitment taint your perspective. I hope you and Jordan enjoy many happy and fulfilling years together.

Marriage & DivorceLove & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Can An Office Romance Be A Good Idea?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 7th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about co-workers dating? I have a crush on one of my co-workers, and I believe it is reciprocated. We're unsure about an office romance because, while it isn't against the rules for people to date within the building, there are concerns about sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior on the premises. (Some of our co-workers have dated with no problems.)

Would it be wrong to attempt to further the relationship, as long as it remains appropriate within the office, or should I forget it and date someone outside of work? -- WORKING RELATIONSHIP IN INDIANA

DEAR WORKING RELATIONSHIP: This may seem old-fashioned, but I'm not crazy about the idea of office romances. While I know they are not uncommon and it's hard to fight mutual attraction, office romances are distracting. When the pheromones are flying, it can be extremely difficult to concentrate on the tasks at hand. And if it doesn't work out, there can be tension, embarrassment and hard feelings in the aftermath, and that's not good for business.

Work & SchoolLove & Dating
life

Thank-You Mix-Up Bothers Gift-Giver

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 7th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Twice in the past month I have received thank-you notes for gifts I had given, but the wrong gift was mentioned. I usually spend a lot of time selecting just the right thing, and I take pride in my choices.

I understand how something like that could happen, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I just keep quiet about it, or say something to the person? What would I say? I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I know I have received gifts in the past that will forever remind me of the giver. -- PICKING OUT PRESENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PICKING OUT PRESENTS: I see nothing to be gained by not alerting the person to the mistake. If you were thanked for the wrong gift, so was another giver. If I had mixed up the gift cards, I would want to know -- wouldn't you? Do unto others ...

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Sister's Fantasy of Father Is a Far Cry From Reality

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 6th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a half-sister with whom I share a mother. Her father and my mother were married for almost 10 years. This man, I believe, had some mental issues. He would quiz me about my sexual relations with my boyfriend at the time, wanting details. He would often fly off the handle and argue with my mother for no reason. There are too many other examples to list. Quite frankly, he was a horrible husband and father.

This man died two years ago. My half-sister has since immortalized her father into someone he was not. She even tattooed his initials on her wrist.

Abby, how is a person supposed to deal with a relative who is living in fantasyland about a parent? His widow has sent her emails telling her the kind of man he really was, but she continues to act as if he was the world's best father even though he wasn't. -- KNOWS THE TRUTH

DEAR KNOWS THE TRUTH: Either your former stepfather was the greatest father in the world to her, or your half-sister needs the fantasy she's clinging to for her emotional well-being. Let her have her fantasy if it comforts her. If she raises the subject of good old dad with you, just tell her you'd prefer not to discuss it. If you do that, you'll both be happier.

DeathFamily & ParentingAbuseMental Health
life

Gay Couple Not Obligated To Broadcast Their Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 6th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 31 and the mother of three awesome children. At 29, I left my husband of nine years and came out of the closet. I have been in a stable two-year relationship with my girlfriend, and she recently moved in with us.

My oldest child has started asking if his friends can come and stay the night on a weekend. I let one child spend the night with him once. My sister asked me if I had told the child's parent that I'm a lesbian living with a partner. When I said no, she got upset and said that because we live in a small, religious country town I should inform the child's parent of my living situation.

I can see where she's coming from, but I don't feel it's my responsibility to offer this personal information. We're hardworking, law-abiding citizens, and I am a loving and protective mother. We aren't felons who need to "disclose" our personal "crimes." What do you think? -- PROUD MAMA IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PROUD MAMA: I, too, can see where your sister is coming from, and I don't like the direction. You are not under any obligation to announce your sexual orientation to anyone. In a small town -- religious or not -- word gets around quickly on its own. Trust me on that. However, if you are asked directly, you should be honest.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsLove & DatingSex & GenderFriends & Neighbors
life

Wedding Theft Leaves Mother Of Bride In A Quandary

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 6th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter was married recently. During the wedding or the reception, someone stole money from the purses of at least two of the bridesmaids.

Are the bride's parents responsible for the loss? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN ALABAMA

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: What happened was unfortunate, and I hope the lesson the bridesmaids learned from this wasn't an expensive one. Unless you agreed to look after the young women's belongings, you are not responsible for the loss. They should have left their purses with someone they trusted or secured in a locked room or car.

As a gesture of good will, depending upon the state of your finances, you might want to make good on their loss. But you are not required to do so.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Single Mom Rips Older Workers for Staying on the Job Too Long

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 5th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am appalled at older workers who hang onto their jobs so they can live lavish lifestyles, while young workers trying to support families are left with lack of advancement or even laid off because they don't have tenure.

I am a single mom, and when my sons are out of college I plan to take a less stressful job (and thus less pay), so a younger person can have my job to support a family. I am so tired of the ME ME ME attitude of our society now. In the past, there was more of a sense of social responsibility. Now it's every man for himself and hang everyone else! -- DISGUSTED IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR DISGUSTED: While your altruism is laudable, please try to be less judgmental. Many older people work longer these days not to live lavish lifestyles, but to survive.

Unless you have a crystal ball that enables you to see what seniors have in the bank, it's presumptuous to say someone should retire. Many seniors are unprepared financially to do so through no fault of their own. And while you may think now that you'll take a reduction in pay when your sons are out of college, it remains to be seen if that will be feasible for you when the time comes.

Work & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Facebook Interrogations Annoy Grieving Cousin

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 5th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My cousin died a short time ago at a very young age and in an unnatural and devastating way. As soon as people outside the family started finding out, they began asking what happened. Many of these questions were posted on my relatives' Facebook pages.

Is it just me or isn't that a very insensitive thing to do? It's not just that they are asking questions of a grieving family who lost their son only hours before, but that they did it through Facebook. -- MOURNING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for your family's tragic loss. We live in an age in which respect for privacy has nearly disappeared, and folks routinely bare intimate and sensitive details about their lives on the Internet. Of course questions like the ones your relatives are being asked are tasteless -- whether in person or via electronic media. If a person wishes to convey this kind of information, it is usually done voluntarily, and certainly not when feelings are raw.

DeathEtiquette & Ethics
life

Addiction Does Not Have To Be The End Of The Road

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 5th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Too often we hear horrifying stories in the news about prescription drug addiction and overdoses. I'd like to offer hope to addicts who are still using.

There is life after drugs. For 10 years I was addicted to pain pills. My poor mother tried everything. She offered me trips or help in buying a new car if I would just go to rehab. I refused because I wasn't ready. I finally hit rock bottom and went into rehab when I realized my daughter was pulling away from me. I had been spending our rent money on pills I'd buy on the streets.

After I was sober for a few days, I realized I liked the feeling. After the sixth day, I was "me" again, and I loved it. I have been sober for two years and am now entering school to become a patient tech. It's exciting because I will be helping others. I believe this is what I was meant to do in life.

Everyone keeps saying I should tell my story, but to be honest, my story isn't finished yet. Thank you for letting me share. -- ENJOYING SOBRIETY IN FLORIDA

DEAR ENJOYING SOBRIETY: You're welcome. You're right that your story isn't over yet, but from where I'm sitting it looks like the next chapter will be a happy and constructive one. I wish you success in your journey.

Addiction

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Walking in the Snow
  • Complimenting Strangers
  • Imperfections
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Downsizers Dispose of Treasured Heirlooms
  • Dad Reluctant to Help Second Child with Loan
  • Dad Frustrated by Kids' Refusing to Learn Basic Care Maintenance
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal