DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was a victim of domestic violence. When I asked her why she didn't phone 911 for help, her response was, "They play those 911 calls on the radio all the time." She didn't want her prominent husband's career damaged by adverse publicity.

Today, a group of us discussed the issue over breakfast. Many of the women said that because of the popularity of 911 calls being broadcast on the Internet, radio and TV, they'd be hesitant to phone for help when needed, too.

Abby, someone is going to suffer serious harm out of fear that their call for help will be publicized. Do you know what can be done about this new "drama entertainment"? I wouldn't want my terrified call heard by the public either, so I'd take my chances without calling for help. I just hope I don't wake up dead one day as a result. -- PUBLICITY-SHY IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUBLICITY-SHY: Nothing can be done about "drama entertainment" as long as the public has an appetite for it. The reason for the practice of "if it bleeds, it leads" in the media is that it draws viewers and listeners -- which means advertising revenue.

In the case of domestic violence, calling 911 is the lesser of two evils. Out-of-control abusers have been known to maim and kill the ones they "love." Ask yourself if your friend's husband's career was worth risking her life for. It makes more sense to risk a 911 call being broadcast than to have cameras and TV reporters camped on your lawn while the EMTs or the coroner carry your battered, bloody body out on a gurney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm overweight and have a family history of heart disease and diabetes. An injury to my back severely limits my ability to exercise, so diet is an important part of my health plan.

My problem is people constantly try to get me to eat. I explain my situation, but they still urge me to have "just a taste." If I go to a party and shy away from the buffet, the host feels I'm being rude. Recently, my supervisor at work became insulted because I refused some food she brought to a work meeting.

These people wouldn't be upset if an alcoholic refused a drink, so why are they so hostile to me? (Another thing that upsets me is when somebody dies an early death, these same folks say, "He should have taken better care of himself.") -- UNDER ATTACK IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: For many people, food has become something other than fuel for the body. It can symbolize love, caring, acceptance -- and when it is refused it can seem like a personal rejection to the person offering it. (Yes, I know it's crazy.)

Your best defense is to remind your hosts, your supervisor, your co-workers and friends that you have a family history of health problems and are on a doctor-advised restricted diet to manage it. Remind these generous souls that socializing is more about the company than the food, and you are grateful that they understand.

DEAR ABBY: You give so much great advice, I'm wondering if there is a basic principle you abide by in order to help guide you when giving advice. -- CURIOUS READER

DEAR CURIOUS: I hadn't really thought about it, but I suppose it's something like this: Show up for work ready to put forth my best effort. Be honest enough to admit that not everyone agrees with me or that I'm sometimes wrong. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Don't pull any punches, don't preach and always try to be succinct.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old active woman who still works. I play tennis several times a week and have a loving relationship with my kids. I know with certainty that I have many good things in my life. However, since my sister died last year, I have been having second thoughts about a lot of the decisions I have made over the years -- especially regarding relationships and my choice of jobs.

I realize now that more than a few of my decisions were based on low self-esteem, although I don't come across that way. I'm feeling depressed and lonely, and it's hard to be positive. I feel like my world is shrinking, and I don't know how to get back on track and be a positive and happy person again. As it is, I'm faking it with my children, and my friends have no idea how I really feel. How do I improve my life at this late stage? -- DEPRESSED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DEPRESSED: One way would be to be more honest with your friends and fake it less. If they are good friends, they'll be willing to listen and give you an honest perspective or the benefit of their life experience. That's what friends do for each other.

You are lucky to be vital and active, because it means your world doesn't have to shrink any more than you want it to. Because you say you're lonely, perhaps it's time to consider enlarging your circle of acquaintances.

The loss of your sister is probably what started your re-evaluation of your life and choices, and that's normal. But please remember that regret is the cancer of life. You can't change the past, and you mustn't allow it to cloud your future. While you may be having second thoughts about choices you made when you were younger, the lessons you learned from them have made you the person you are today.

DEAR ABBY: I think our culture is severely lacking when we don't teach our children how to politely and non-aggressively stand up for themselves when the need arises. People suffer in all sorts of relationships -- work, family, friends -- because they're afraid of confrontation. Raising a subject that may be embarrassing and risking angering someone isn't fun, but it's communication.

If you have a problem, large or small, address it in private with the individual. And if someone tries to talk to you about something you'd rather not hear, be an adult, listen and respond civilly instead of reacting childishly.

We teach children to respect authority, be kind to others and be leaders -- but we don't teach them healthy confrontation, which is something we all encounter in our lives. -- TALKING IT OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR TALKING IT OUT: I agree with you. The kind of communication you're describing is a skill. It requires not only a strong ego on the part of the "confronter," but also tact and diplomacy. And the "confrontee" needs to have the ability to listen without responding with hostility to what is being said.

DEAR ABBY: In my university classroom, students place their feet on chairs, teachers lecture while sitting on their desks, and the dean of the school herself sits atop her desk and places her feet on a chair in front of her. Please tell me that this is not OK! -- PROPER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROPER: It appears you come from a generation or culture in which the atmosphere has always been quite formal. I can tell you it's "not OK" if it will make you feel better, but if it's acceptable to the teacher, the dean and the school, then it's time for you to loosen up.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman in my mid-40s. I started dating again about two years ago, and shortly after, I met "Jed." He is someone I'd love to spend the rest of my life with. We have been seeing each other for more than a year, and I'd like some sort of commitment. I have tried talking to him about it. All he'll say is, "We're committed and monogamous and that's enough, so don't start with me."

We spend Thursday through Sunday together. Jed says Monday through Wednesday is his time to be alone. We don't talk or see each other during that time. We may email or text, but I'm not allowed to go to his house or call him. I have told him I don't want to still be packing for weekend trips to his house -- it's 10 minutes away -- when I'm 80.

I also never know how Jed feels about me. He never tells me he loves me, and if I say it, he'll say it back very quickly like it's an inconvenience. He doesn't compliment me or act like I'm important to him at all.

I'm financially stable but would have a better lifestyle if I could share the bills with someone. Marriage is not important, and I have explained that to him, but I want a full-time commitment. Am I wasting my time? -- TIME'S A-WASTIN' IN GEORGIA

DEAR TIME'S A-WASTIN': Do you realize that not once in your letter did you mention anything positive Jed does for you? He has told you directly that this is as committed as he's willing to get. Men who "love" women don't forbid them from coming to their home or calling; in fact, they welcome them. Jed doesn't say "I love you" unless he is cornered because it appears he doesn't love you.

Yes, you're wasting your time. If you want someone to share living expenses so you can enjoy a better lifestyle, find yourself a roommate.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 29 years and I'm having concerns about my husband. I'm not sure what to make of the fact that he is becoming effeminate.

For many years he has shaved his underarms, legs, etc., to the point that he is completely hairless. He recently lost some weight and is joining a gym. He wears women's stretch tights and a girdle to work out, because he says it helps him sweat around his middle. He is also very concerned about exfoliating the bottom of his feet and putting lotion on his legs.

He says these things shouldn't bother me, but they do. I don't know what to make of it, and when I try to talk to him about my concerns, he blows me off. Do other men do this kind of stuff? I've only been with him, so I don't know. Can you give me another perspective? -- A LITTLE WORRIED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WORRIED: These days some men wax, shave, moisturize and exfoliate their bodies. Your husband may wear tights at the gym because he looks around and sees younger men with sleeker physiques and he's self-conscious about his own. If he's not getting strange looks from others working out there, his attire may not be that unusual.

It's important that couples, particularly those who have been married as long as you two have, be able to talk to each other. Because some of this is a recent change in your husband's behavior, you deserve an explanation.