DEAR ABBY: I became sexually active at an extremely young age. I know my whole life would be different, as well as my children's lives, had I just known better. I have a 4-year-old daughter, a 7-year-old son and a 12-year-old stepson. I want desperately to protect them from making the same mistakes I did. I feel like the best way to prevent this is to speak openly about sex.

The closest anyone ever came to speaking to me about sex was my grandfather (of all people!), who gave me a Dear Abby booklet that was written to inform kids about sex. Even though I was embarrassed when he gave it to me and I ran back to my room to hide, I still read the whole thing from front to back. It was interesting, but unfortunately, it was too late. I have always wished I would have been given that booklet a couple of years sooner.

This was about 15 years ago. Is there any chance you know the book I'm talking about and where I could find a few to pass on to my children? Obviously, the family around me were not comfortable speaking of sex. Please know how grateful I am even all this time later that you provided my grandfather with a way to reach out to me. -- GRATEFUL IN HOUSTON

DEAR GRATEFUL: Many parents find the subject of sex a difficult one to raise with their children, so they postpone it. As happened in your case, that discussion often comes after it is too late.

Because children are now maturing at earlier ages, these discussions should be part of an ongoing dialogue that begins before puberty. My booklet is written to help "break the ice" and start the discussion more easily. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It would be helpful for you to review the booklet again so you can prepare beforehand to answer questions or guide the conversation.

Among the important topics included in my booklet are: "How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" "What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?"

Also included is a section on various sexually transmitted diseases and what to do if you think you may have one. This is extremely important because STDs need to be treated right away, and not doing so can have lifelong consequences.

Knowledge is power. The more information children receive, the better they will be prepared for making intelligent, informed decisions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away 10 weeks ago. I plan on wearing my wedding ring for the remainder of my life. Your opinion would be appreciated. -- GRIEVING WIDOW IN TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING WIDOW: Allow me to offer my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Because the ring brings you comfort, you may wear it as long as you wish.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently hired for a job I have wanted for years. I am a counselor for troubled teens. I love it, and I empathize with those I work with. (Ten years ago, I was a teen placed in a similar facility for some of the same reasons.)

The problem is, when I was in a dark period of my life, I was a cutter. I still have deep scars on one arm that are noticeable. How do I handle this now that I'm in the psychological field? I don't wish to go into detail about my past, as that would be poor boundaries as an employee and counselor. But it's hard to avoid with hot summer weather here and my past literally "on my sleeve."

Please help. Some actions have permanent consequences. I hope this will remind other cutters that their wounds may be something they wish they could undo once they are emotionally healed. -- NAMELESS IN AMERICA

DEAR NAMELESS: I hope your comments will remind other cutters not only that actions have consequences, but also that there are more effective solutions for emotional pain than self-injury. This is something you should discuss with your employers. My thinking is, if your clients see your scars, it may help them to talk about their own cutting, which would be therapeutic.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became a father for the third time. My children are 18, 5 and 3 weeks old. My wife, "Molly," had complications during this last pregnancy that caused her blood pressure to remain in a heightened state for the last few months of her pregnancy. She had been hoping for a little girl, but we were blessed with another boy.

I'm turning 40 and my wife is 37. I have reached a point in my life where I'm ready to be done changing diapers, but Molly wants to try again for a little girl. I have issues with my back and have a hard time getting to my 5-year-old's level now. I'm afraid if we continue having children, I'll be unable to be the involved dad I want to be.

Am I a bad husband for feeling this way? I don't want Molly to go through life regretting not having the daughter she always wanted, but there is no guarantee it will happen if we decide to try again.

I make a fair living, but with additional mouths to feed come additional financial responsibilities. I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for my growing family as I need to. Am I right in my thinking, or am I being overly cautious? -- STOPPING AT THREE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STOPPING AT THREE: You are thinking clearly. At 37, and with her medical history, your wife would be considered "at risk" if she becomes pregnant again. While I sympathize with the fact that she yearns for a daughter, allow me to share a true story with you:

A man was in a similar situation to yours, but he had four daughters. So he and his wife decided they would try "one more time" for a son. Sure enough, his wife became pregnant. She delivered beautiful identical twin ... daughters. At that point he gave up and had a vasectomy!

DEAR ABBY: I have led an unusual life. I lived abroad alone in my late teens, spent my early 20s exploring the West, and finished my college degree a year early while working full time. It gave me independence, experience and clarity.

My problem is, in dating I feel leagues ahead of men who are my age. I am attracted to much older men. My current boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. The age gap is often a topic of conversation among my acquaintances, co-workers and some family members. My boyfriend has also experienced unwanted comments about dating a much younger woman.

What are your thoughts on who a person should be dating in her early 20s? And how should I deal with those who believe I am breaking a social code? -- OLD SOUL IN COLORADO

DEAR OLD SOUL: I can't give you an unbiased opinion because when I was in my early 20s, I dated older men. They liked to talk, I liked to listen, and I learned a great deal about life from them. I hope the same will be true for you.

As to how you should deal with people who accuse you of breaking a social norm, unless they have a valid reason for criticizing the man you're dating, I think you should tune them out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman who is afraid of my true feelings. I have been friends with a woman who is a lesbian for seven years. I have always been attracted to women -- especially her -- but I have always dated men.

I have just ended a five-year relationship, and over the past few months my friend and I have grown very close. I am starting to have feelings for her sexually. I think about her all the time. She's beautiful, smart, inspiring and has an amazing personality.

My problem is, I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I don't know how she would handle it if I were to date a woman instead of a man. I am also afraid of how my family would react.

Our attraction is unspoken, but I can see it when I look into her eyes. Should I admit my feelings or should we remain friends? -- AFRAID OF MY TRUE FEELINGS IN OHIO

DEAR AFRAID: I am reluctant to advise you to spend the rest of your life living a lie in order to avoid upsetting your family, because I don't think it would be healthy for you.

Talk to your friend. Once you are sure the relationship with this woman is serious, mutual and lasting, you can tell your daughter you are dating. Children are adaptable, and this may be less of a surprise to her than you fear. My advice is to listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my son get along better with me when they're not together. When I am there, they gang up on me and become adversarial. I have reached a point where I hate to be around them at the same time.

I don't know what to do about this. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he gets angry and blames me. I don't think I can take much more. What do you think about this? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: If picking on you is part of their male bonding, it's unhealthy. Your husband may do it because he has underlying anger issues he doesn't express directly to you. Your son may participate because his father encourages it, but he should not be allowed to treat you with disrespect.

Before this takes a further toll on your marriage, the three of you should get family counseling. If that doesn't help, you may need individual counseling to help you either stand up for yourself or decide whether you can continue living this way.