DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for as long as I can remember. My husband died from a drug overdose, and I am a widow at 32. He was a good man before the drugs, but he wouldn't stop and I was helpless to intervene. I am now raising our two sons alone.

My problem is my brother is headed down the same road, and I don't know how to help him. I don't have the money to send him to rehab, and he doesn't think he has a problem. He has lost his job, has no vehicle and is losing what friends he has left.

I don't want to turn my back on him or lose him the way I lost my husband. I know he needs rehab or therapy, but with the lack of funds I don't know where to turn. Furthermore, how do I explain this to my 9- and 10-year-old sons? The most influential man in their life is setting a terrible example. -- CAN'T TURN AWAY FROM MY BROTHER

DEAR CAN'T TURN AWAY: If seeing your husband die from an overdose wasn't enough to convince your brother it was time to get into a substance abuse program, then nothing you can do will. There are two things that are more important in your life than he is, and those are your two sons. A narcotics addict destroying his life is a very poor role model.

Your boys are old enough to know how dangerous drugs are and that they caused the premature death of their father. Do not permit them to be in the presence of anyone who is abusing drugs and spiraling downward, or they will grow into adolescence thinking it is normal. Your brother is the only person who can help himself get back on his feet, no matter how much you might wish it were otherwise.

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand divorced women and the restrictions they put on their exes about what they can and can't do with their children. ("You can't let him go to the pool party; he might drown"; "She can't visit with your mother; she has a cat"; "Don't make him rake leaves; that's your job!") Instead, they should be grateful these fathers are active parts of their children's lives. Too many fathers simply walk away. Unless the dad is actively harming the child, they have no right to dictate what their ex does with his kids on his time.

Remember, ladies, you made a baby with him. He is their dad and he has every right to parent as he sees fit, even if it differs from your own philosophy. And dads, don't let your ex try to tell you that you are a bad parent because you let your kid go roller skating and she broke her arm. It is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time, even to kids whose parents are still together. So stand up for your right to be a real dad! -- UNSYMPATHETIC MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MOM: If I were you, I'd keep my head down and not get caught in the crossfire. It's not that you lack sympathy, but you obviously don't relate to the women you hear complain. While some of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective, others may have valid concerns about their children's safety while they're with Dad.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if you could print something about how to properly dispose of American flags. I'm a garbage man in northern Illinois, and I am sick of finding American flags in the trash.

Most of my co-workers and I pull them out and properly dispose of them. Do people really not realize what our flag means, and how many men and women have given their lives for what it stands for? -- PATRIOT NAMED DANIEL

DEAR DANIEL: Your letter is timely. I'm sure the people you have described are not being intentionally disrespectful. I suspect the flags are thrown out because of ignorance.

Readers: When an American flag becomes soiled, faded and tattered, there are better ways to dispose of it than tossing it in the garbage. According to the U.S. Flag Code, "When a flag has served its useful purpose, it should be destroyed, preferably by burning."

The pamphlet "Flag Etiquette" published by the American Legion states: "For individual citizens this should be done discreetly, so that the act is not perceived as a protest or desecration."

Many American Legion posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies on June 14, Flag Day, each year. The Boy and Girl Scouts of America also are able to conduct these ceremonies. When you are ready to dispose of yours, contact the local Boy or Girl Scout Council, or wait until the Girl Scout cookie sales start locally and offer the flag to the troop during a sale at a small business.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50ish, never-married bachelor with a question about engagement rings. Do you recommend that the man go out and purchase an engagement ring and then present it to the woman when he proposes, or do you think he should propose without a ring and then let her choose the ring she wants? -- OLD BACHELOR IN OHIO

DEAR BACHELOR: When a man is ready to propose, it would be prudent for him to visit a jeweler and ask that some rings -- or stones -- in his price range be set aside. Then he can pop the question, and if the woman says yes, take her to the jeweler to select something she would enjoy wearing. This will prevent an unpleasant and expensive surprise should the lady say no.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "One-Way Ticket's" (5/11) question about his mother's final trip home got me thinking, and I found a loophole they may be able to use. If their mother's air miles can be used by someone else (like her grown kids), she would go as cargo, but her miles would pay for her escort to take her home.

If there are any miles left over after that, they could be donated to various causes, like the Shriners, who sometimes need to get a child flown to another part of the country for treatment. Or the military may have a stranded soldier waiting to go home for the holidays, etc. My oldest flies using my mom's air miles, and I flew my youngest with mine, so if the mother of "One-Way" would like to put her miles to use, this could be helpful. -- FORMER FREQUENT FLIER

DEAR FORMER FREQUENT FLIER: What great ideas! I love the suggestions my readers come up with, and yours are good ones.

DEAR ABBY: I host all of the holiday parties and dinner parties for my family. Whenever I have my parents over, my father insists on helping himself to the top layer of every casserole. He'll scrape all the cheese off the potatoes, the crunchy onion topping off the green bean casserole, etc., leaving just the bare vegetables for everyone else.

I have asked Dad not to do it because it is inconsiderate of the other guests. I can see people are bothered by it, so now they make a beeline to the buffet so they can beat him to it.

Dad got offended when I talked to him about it, but he continues to do it. Mom refuses to get involved, and I have said all I can say. What to do? -- BURNED UP IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BURNED UP: A guest who grabs all the goodies at a dinner party is a hog. Because your father refuses to change his behavior, I will offer a few suggestions: The first is to alter your menu to avoid serving casserole dishes. If that's not possible, make your father his own separate casserole with his name on it, so he can have it all to himself. Or plate the food in the kitchen and stop serving it buffet-style.

DEAR ABBY: If a person compliments me on my hair, am I obliged to reveal that it isn't my natural color? I am a henna redhead, and it looks very natural, but my friend who is a natural redhead says I have to fess up. She will even tell people "for me" that my color is "fake." What should I do? -- HENNA REDHEAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR HENNA REDHEAD: Start spending more time with blondes and brunettes than with a redhead who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. She is jealous of the attention you're getting.

DEAR ABBY: If a person compliments me on my hair, am I obliged to reveal that it isn't my natural color? I am a henna redhead, and it looks very natural, but my friend who is a natural redhead says I have to fess up. She will even tell people "for me" that my color is "fake." What should I do? -- HENNA REDHEAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR HENNA REDHEAD: Start spending more time with blondes and brunettes than with a redhead who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. She is jealous of the attention you're getting.