DEAR ABBY: We moved my elderly parents into an adult assisted-living center last year because they were no longer able to safely care for themselves or their home. They have now decided to put their house up for sale. Our problem is that sometimes when we have driven by the house to check that everything's OK, we have found some of the neighbors enjoying the afternoon sitting on my parents' front porch.

The house has been shown three times, and one of the times another neighbor was in the backyard sitting on the deck. Another time, a neighbor walked into the house during a private showing. We have been as polite as possible in requesting them to please not do this. We finally told them plainly to stay off the property. But it continues.

We would hate to post "No Trespassing" signs for fear that a prospective buyer may think there are problems with the neighborhood, and I don't think a sign would deter these perpetrators. Any ideas on how to get them to stay in their own homes? My sisters and I are starting to think the neighbors don't want the house to sell so they can enjoy it themselves. -- FED UP IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FED UP: Because of the long relationship your parents may have had with these neighbors, ask them once more, firmly and politely, to stop using the property as an extension of theirs. If the request is ignored, it will be time to involve your lawyer, who will have to write these nervy people a strong letter on your behalf. Not only is what they are doing illegal, but if an accident should happen while they are on your property, your family would be liable.

DEAR ABBY: Living in New York City, public transport is the way to travel. After picking up my 5-year-old from school, we took the train home as usual. During the ride, my son fell asleep and his head happened to rest on the arm of another passenger -- a middle-aged man who was sitting next to us.

As my son's head rested on the man's arm, he reacted by pushing my son's head up violently, waking him from his sleep. Disgusted by the man's reaction, I lost my cool and yelled at him, almost forgetting my screaming 5-year-old. Other passengers expressed their feelings, too, and the man left the train earlier than he wanted.

After my boy calmed down, I had time to reflect and concluded I didn't handle the situation correctly. The other passengers suggested I hadn't been assertive enough. What should I have done? -- COMMUTER MOMMY IN BROOKLYN

DEAR COMMUTER MOMMY: Your seat partner clearly overreacted to having his space invaded. But by screaming at him, you escalated the situation. So your little boy wasn't caught in the crossfire, it would have been better to have moved your seats. If that wasn't possible, you should have switched seats with your son so he wouldn't be near that volatile individual.

DEAR ABBY: If a doctor is present at a party and another guest takes ill, would it be appropriate to ask the doctor to treat the person? -- CURIOUS IN DAYTON

DEAR CURIOUS: If the problem is not life-threatening, it would be advisable that the guest contact his or her own doctor, who is already familiar with the person's medical history. However, in an acute emergency such as a stroke or a heart attack, help should be summoned by calling 911 immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. I am home-schooled with one friend. I'm lonely, sad, mad and depressed. I have always wanted to go to a real school, but it's not an option for me. My parents are against it.

I am always lonely. I don't know where to turn. I want to meet new people, but I don't know how, or if my parents will let me do new things. I have been cutting myself for more than a year and have lost all motivation to do my schoolwork. I feel lost. Please help me. -- SAD, MAD AND DEPRESSED IN BOZEMAN, MONT.

DEAR SAD, MAD AND DEPRESSED: Most parents who home-school make sure their children are exposed to activities within the community to ensure they engage with people of all ages. They participate in scouting, 4-H, sports, field trips, etc.

That you cut yourself to distract yourself from the pain of your isolation is serious. If you have a family doctor, please bring this up with him or her so you can receive the help you need to quit.

I'm sure your parents love you and want to protect you, but they appear to be doing it too diligently. At 16, you should be learning to interact with others your age. If you have a relative you trust or feel close to, I'm urging you to talk to that person about this. Perhaps your parents will accept the message from another adult.

DEAR ABBY: My husband brought home a puppy he couldn't resist. I wanted to make him happy, so I didn't object. We already have one dog. She's calm, mature and well-trained. She is also used to our schedule (we both work full-time).

We have now decided to try for a baby. The puppy is only 5 months old, and even though it may take months to become pregnant, I'm worried it will be too much stress to train and care for a puppy while I'm pregnant. When I try to discuss this with my husband, he says, "Everything will work out."

I want the best pregnancy possible, but I also don't want to upset my husband by finding a new family for the puppy. What should I do? -- ILLINOIS DOG LOVER

DEAR DOG LOVER: Talk to your husband again and stress to him the importance of seeing that the dog starts obedience classes. While it might be tempting to foist off the responsibility on your husband, you should both be involved so the dog will obey you both. With that accomplished, your pregnancy will be less stressful.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with a man for 10 months. He is 70 and I am 59. Whenever we go to the grocery store, he winks and smiles at all the young, attractive women. Abby, I am fairly attractive for my age, and I don't appreciate his making me feel disrespected this way.

Other than this, he makes me happy. Most of the time, he denies he does it, except when I catch him red-handed. Is there any hope for this relationship? -- FEELING DOWN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FEELING DOWN: Yes, if you can accept him exactly the way he is and not take what he's doing personally. He may smile and wink because he thinks he's being friendly. Or it may be a way of proving to himself that he's still attractive. As long as it's just a smile and a wink by the frozen vegetables, I'd say it's harmless.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I divorced a year ago. We share a 4-year-old son and have a cordial relationship.

Shortly after our divorce, he married a woman he had been carrying on an affair with while married to me. Since their wedding she has not allowed him to enter my home beyond the front door, be alone with me for any reason regardless of what we need to discuss, and he rarely calls to talk with our son anymore -- all at her "request."

He has also informed me that she's "not comfortable" with the idea of us communicating unless she is part of the conversation. I think she is being silly and immature, and he claims to agree, but he wants to keep the peace.

I explained to him that even though he may allow her to dictate his life, she will not be dictating mine. If I feel I need to speak with him about something, I do not have to include her. Am I wrong? I am in no way trying to cause a problem in their marriage. I have decided that whatever answer you give I will abide by as I respect your opinion greatly. -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: The current "Mrs." is acting more like a jailer than a wife, but then, she knows what your ex is capable of if he gets past the front door or has private conversations with another woman.

This is happening because she perceives you as still a threat. That your former husband allows her to exert this amount of control is unfortunate. The distancing from his son is happening because he is permitting it, and the loser here is the little boy.

You're not wrong, but if the only way your son can have a relationship with his dad is for this woman to be ever-present, then bite your tongue and go along with it for as long as this marriage lasts or your ex summons up enough backbone to set his No. 2 straight.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I look out for our "Aunt Lil," who is in her late 70s and never had children. Physically and mentally she's fine right now. She quit driving a few years ago, but that had more to do with the price of gas than her driving ability. We run errands for her, take her to appointments, etc.

Our question: For most of her life, Aunt Lil has kept up a steady correspondence with many people all over the world. When I say she has pen pals everywhere, I'm not exaggerating. When the time comes and she is gone, how should we notify her friends?

I think a simple form letter would be fine, but my sisters think each person should be notified individually, either with a phone call or a personal letter. Abby, there are 100 people she writes to and those are just the ones we're aware of! Your thoughts would be appreciated. -- AUNT LIL'S GIRLS

DEAR GIRLS: Considering that people live longer these days, I wouldn't write off Aunt Lil too quickly. Because she still has all her faculties, ask her how she wants it handled. She may prefer to write her own farewell note to be mailed after her death. ("By the time this reaches you, I will have gone to that great stationery store in the sky ...")