DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I divorced a year ago. We share a 4-year-old son and have a cordial relationship.

Shortly after our divorce, he married a woman he had been carrying on an affair with while married to me. Since their wedding she has not allowed him to enter my home beyond the front door, be alone with me for any reason regardless of what we need to discuss, and he rarely calls to talk with our son anymore -- all at her "request."

He has also informed me that she's "not comfortable" with the idea of us communicating unless she is part of the conversation. I think she is being silly and immature, and he claims to agree, but he wants to keep the peace.

I explained to him that even though he may allow her to dictate his life, she will not be dictating mine. If I feel I need to speak with him about something, I do not have to include her. Am I wrong? I am in no way trying to cause a problem in their marriage. I have decided that whatever answer you give I will abide by as I respect your opinion greatly. -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: The current "Mrs." is acting more like a jailer than a wife, but then, she knows what your ex is capable of if he gets past the front door or has private conversations with another woman.

This is happening because she perceives you as still a threat. That your former husband allows her to exert this amount of control is unfortunate. The distancing from his son is happening because he is permitting it, and the loser here is the little boy.

You're not wrong, but if the only way your son can have a relationship with his dad is for this woman to be ever-present, then bite your tongue and go along with it for as long as this marriage lasts or your ex summons up enough backbone to set his No. 2 straight.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I look out for our "Aunt Lil," who is in her late 70s and never had children. Physically and mentally she's fine right now. She quit driving a few years ago, but that had more to do with the price of gas than her driving ability. We run errands for her, take her to appointments, etc.

Our question: For most of her life, Aunt Lil has kept up a steady correspondence with many people all over the world. When I say she has pen pals everywhere, I'm not exaggerating. When the time comes and she is gone, how should we notify her friends?

I think a simple form letter would be fine, but my sisters think each person should be notified individually, either with a phone call or a personal letter. Abby, there are 100 people she writes to and those are just the ones we're aware of! Your thoughts would be appreciated. -- AUNT LIL'S GIRLS

DEAR GIRLS: Considering that people live longer these days, I wouldn't write off Aunt Lil too quickly. Because she still has all her faculties, ask her how she wants it handled. She may prefer to write her own farewell note to be mailed after her death. ("By the time this reaches you, I will have gone to that great stationery store in the sky ...")

DEAR ABBY: I am friendly with a married couple. The husband, "Grant," is my best friend and we talk about everything. His wife, "Sharon," and I are equally close. Their wedding date was last summer.

I have known for a while that Grant didn't want to get married. He did it to please everyone around him. Sharon, however, was elated. He hoped that after the wedding his feelings would change. Now they have been married for nine months Grant tells me he can't continue on, that he is unhappy and no longer wants to be married.

I have begged and pleaded with him to level with Sharon. He keeps making excuses about why he hasn't told her yet. He says he'll do it -- but each day he moves the discussion further and further back. When I talk with her, she tells me she has the feeling he doesn't want to be married anymore.

Please help. This is stressing me out. I want to let Grant tell her, but I feel I should say something because he hasn't. At the same time, I don't want to have anyone mad at me. What should I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Step back and keep your mouth shut. You are in a no-win situation.

It is Grant's job to find the courage to tell his wife he made a mistake by marrying her. While it may be painful for her to hear, it probably won't come as a shock, from what she's telling you.

You help neither of them by letting them discuss their marital problems with you instead of with each other. So do them both a favor and remove yourself from the middle.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, severe anxiety and social phobia. I am now 20 and have been on countless medications and tried different forms of therapy. I wish for nothing more than to be a fully functioning adult, but I am exhausted from trying my hardest to feel better internally only to find myself where I started.

What's your best advice for young adults dealing with crippling mental illness? How can we live our lives without fear of being rejected or shunned for our illness? -- FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: There is still ignorance, stigma and fear about mental illness mostly because it is misunderstood. However, 50 percent of adults will have a diagnosable mental illness at some time in their lives -- including the ones you have.

I discussed your letter with Dr. David Baron, psychiatrist in chief at the University of Southern California hospital. He suggested that I stress to you the importance of finding a mental health professional you can trust and confide in, and have another thorough evaluation done.

In recent years newer drugs and therapies are being used which may help you, so you shouldn't give up. In a case like yours, a combination of medication and talk therapy can be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 7-year-old boy in the second grade. There is a girl named "Kate" in my class and she wants to marry me. She sits next to me and she is really annoying. What should I do? -- NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR NOT READY: Start running. And if she appeals to you when you're about 14, slow down.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who recently had sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time for both of us. A week and a half later, we had a big fight.

Another problem is I am having a lot of feelings for his best friend, and he has feelings for me, too. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because I love him and don't want to lose him. I also don't want to ruin his friendship with the other guy.

My boyfriend wants to have sex again, but I don't. I wish I could take it back. What can I do? -- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: Because you had sex once does not mean you are compelled to do it again. Feeling as you do about the best friend is a strong sign that as much as you care for your boyfriend, you are not in love with him.

If you are being pressured to have sex, it's important for your sake that you tell your boyfriend you feel it happened too soon, you're sorry you did it, and you have decided to wait until you are older to start again. It would be an intelligent move for you because your affections appear to be all over the map right now.

I am also concerned because you didn't mention whether you both used birth control. It's a sign of maturity when couples plan ahead and take precautions to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. (And yes, a girl can get pregnant the first time.) In fact, there's a word for teens who have sex on the spur of the moment and don't use birth control: It's PARENTS.

DEAR ABBY: My friend is a compulsive talker. "Chatty Cathy" draws detailed descriptions of people I don't know and don't care about and lingers over past and current tribulations. I tolerate her behavior because she's a kind person, but she is oblivious to how much she dominates a conversation. It's like something compels her to fill every silence with monologue.

Her personal and work relationships suffer because of it. It's hard for her to hold a job, and she often becomes upset over this co-worker's or that family member's behavior. It is always the other person's failure, yet she is always in the center of the commotion.

She has had a tough life, partly of her own making. If I try to send subtle cues of uninterest, she doesn't pick up on them and keeps talking and talking. I feel sorry for her. Is there anything I can do to help her, without seeming critical? -- EXHAUSTED LISTENER IN HAWAII

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Not knowing your friend, I can only guess what drives her to talk compulsively. Some people do it because they feel the need to prove to others how smart they are. Others do it out of nervousness or insecurity because they are uncomfortable with silence -- even if it is a momentary pause in conversation.

Because her behavior has had a negative impact on her employability, the next time she mentions problems at work, it would be a kindness to suggest to her that, because it's happening repeatedly, she discuss it with a psychologist. That's not hurtful; it's helpful.