DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who recently had sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time for both of us. A week and a half later, we had a big fight.

Another problem is I am having a lot of feelings for his best friend, and he has feelings for me, too. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because I love him and don't want to lose him. I also don't want to ruin his friendship with the other guy.

My boyfriend wants to have sex again, but I don't. I wish I could take it back. What can I do? -- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: Because you had sex once does not mean you are compelled to do it again. Feeling as you do about the best friend is a strong sign that as much as you care for your boyfriend, you are not in love with him.

If you are being pressured to have sex, it's important for your sake that you tell your boyfriend you feel it happened too soon, you're sorry you did it, and you have decided to wait until you are older to start again. It would be an intelligent move for you because your affections appear to be all over the map right now.

I am also concerned because you didn't mention whether you both used birth control. It's a sign of maturity when couples plan ahead and take precautions to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. (And yes, a girl can get pregnant the first time.) In fact, there's a word for teens who have sex on the spur of the moment and don't use birth control: It's PARENTS.

DEAR ABBY: My friend is a compulsive talker. "Chatty Cathy" draws detailed descriptions of people I don't know and don't care about and lingers over past and current tribulations. I tolerate her behavior because she's a kind person, but she is oblivious to how much she dominates a conversation. It's like something compels her to fill every silence with monologue.

Her personal and work relationships suffer because of it. It's hard for her to hold a job, and she often becomes upset over this co-worker's or that family member's behavior. It is always the other person's failure, yet she is always in the center of the commotion.

She has had a tough life, partly of her own making. If I try to send subtle cues of uninterest, she doesn't pick up on them and keeps talking and talking. I feel sorry for her. Is there anything I can do to help her, without seeming critical? -- EXHAUSTED LISTENER IN HAWAII

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Not knowing your friend, I can only guess what drives her to talk compulsively. Some people do it because they feel the need to prove to others how smart they are. Others do it out of nervousness or insecurity because they are uncomfortable with silence -- even if it is a momentary pause in conversation.

Because her behavior has had a negative impact on her employability, the next time she mentions problems at work, it would be a kindness to suggest to her that, because it's happening repeatedly, she discuss it with a psychologist. That's not hurtful; it's helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I own a business with just two employees, my husband and a very old friend. The friend has been in the business for 15 years, and he is critical to running it. My husband has been with me for 11 years, but in the business for only three. He is not critical to running the business.

Their relationship is a constant strain. Neither one likes the other, but they generally tolerate each other. When tensions arise they become emotional, and I end up caught between them, unable to put an end to it.

How do we work and live in peace? Their conflict is affecting the smooth functioning of the business. What should I do to end the hostility? I'm a quiet type, which probably feeds the situation. -- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

DEAR WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: You may be a quiet type, but you are also the boss. The atmosphere you describe is unhealthy for your business. For it to continue to be successful, your business must be nurtured as a separate entity apart from your friendship and your marriage.

Because the present situation makes it difficult for all of you to function together, I'm suggesting that you tell your husband you love him, but either he must get along with the longtime employee or leave the business -- because it's the business that is paying the bills, feeding and putting a roof over all of you!

DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Wanda," invited my husband, "Hugh," and me to a dinner party two years ago. Hugh had too much to drink and insulted not only Wanda but also one of the guests. He apologized the next day.

This is not the first time he has done this at dinner parties, and his behavior has had a negative impact on some of my best friendships. I used to entertain all the time, but I can no longer invite my friends over as they no longer want to be around Hugh.

Wanda continues to invite me to her dinner parties, but has made a point of telling me that Hugh is not invited. Not wanting to lose another friend, I have been going alone. I let my husband know why, and he says it doesn't bother him, but I feel guilty attending without him. My friendships are important to me and I'm torn about what to do. -- PARTY OF ONE

DEAR PARTY: If your husband can't control his behavior when he's had a drink or two, then he should not be drinking in public. That he says it "doesn't bother him" that he's no longer welcome in these people's homes is sad, as it should be a glaring signal that he needs help.

Because he isn't ready to do something about his problem, continue to socialize without him. That you do is admirable, so please stop feeling guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my wife had an affair with one of the instructors at a training seminar. We are working to repair our marriage and are making great strides. She says there's nothing else going on now.

My wife has been invited to a graduation ceremony where she is to receive an award from the same instructor. This will be the first time I meet this person, and I have mixed feelings about it. How should I approach this meeting? -- MIXED FEELINGS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED FEELINGS: Do it with cool civility, complete sobriety and as little contact as possible.

DEAR READERS: To all of you who are observing Memorial Day with me, please join in reflecting for a moment on those members of our armed forces who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country. Bless their spirits, and may they live forever in our hearts.

DEAR ABBY: My wife revealed on my 60th birthday two days ago that she has $10,000 in cash hidden in our house. She said she secretly took the money from my pay and consulting checks and hid it when we were going through a bad period in our marriage 10 years ago and nearly divorced.

I told her there is no rational reason for keeping that much money in the house. She says she's keeping it for an emergency, and it makes her feel secure. When I said we should invest the money, she got upset.

I can't understand why anyone would want to keep that much cash in the house. What's your view? -- LIVING IN "FORT KNOX"

DEAR LIVING: To understand your wife's motivation, look back 10 years to the time when she may have felt she'd need the money to get a new start. That's the "emergency" the money was salted away for.

I agree that $10,000 is a lot of cash to keep in the house. Most of it should be in the bank, with only a portion in the house so it will be immediately available if needed. Unless your wife feels your marriage is still shaky, I can't see why she wouldn't compromise. Could that be her reason?

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl with a good life. There are bumps in the road, but they happen and I accept that. The thing I worry about is my me-maw. She's getting very old and thinks she will be dying soon.

I try to tell her not to think that way. I really love her and don't know what I would do if she were gone so soon. I go to her house every summer, winter, and anytime we're out of school.

I need to get a job this summer, and I don't know how to tell my me-maw I won't be coming to visit without hurting her feelings. She is one of those people who don't show their emotions like most of my family, so I know when she sometimes says it's OK it really isn't. Please tell me what to say to her. -- CONCERNED GRANDCHILD IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDCHILD: You are sweet, thoughtful and sensitive, but you are also growing up. Your grandmother may be talking the way she is because of her age -- or she may be concerned about her health and trying to prepare you.

It's time to ask your parents what is going on with her. If she's really sick, you may want to postpone getting that job until next summer. If she's not, you should explain to Me-maw that you love her and treasure the special times you have been able to spend with her -- but as much as you'd like to, you will not be able to do it this summer because you need to get a job. It's part of becoming an adult and will help you to learn responsibility and independence. As a loving grandparent, she knows how important that is for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hairdresser, and one of my clients who considers herself to be my good friend handed me a birthday card. Stuck on the envelope was a sticky note with my name written on it, covering whatever name was underneath. On the card, under "Happy Birthday" was her signature -- again on a sticky note. She said she thought the card was funny and too good not to use again, so I should pass it on, too.

I am hurt and insulted. Am I taking this too seriously? I want my own birthday card! -- SHOCKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SHOCKED: Your client was trying to be thoughtful, or she wouldn't have remembered it was your birthday. Be grateful for what you got. She didn't mean to insult you -- in a weird way she was trying to do you a favor.