life

G.E.D. Hopefuls Should Get Diploma Before Costs Go Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 20th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in the field of education for more than 40 years, with the last 25 years serving in adult education, helping students complete their high school equivalency diploma.

Big changes are impending worldwide in this very important educational service. Starting in 2014, the cost may go up. Up until two years ago, the classes in our community were free. The testing cost $7.50, which paid for a printed diploma. Since then, the cost has gone up -- first to $25 and then to $35.

Now the GED program has been bought by a for-profit organization and the costs will go higher than ever. Furthermore, it will no longer be possible to take the test using pencil and paper. It will all be done on computer.

Please encourage the thousands of adults who do not have their high school degrees to make a life-changing decision for themselves and their families now! -- JOY IN A CLASSROOM DOWN SOUTH

DEAR JOY: I am sure many readers will thank you for this important heads-up. Readers, the changes Joy has described will go into effect on Jan. 2, 2014. According to the media representative for the GED Testing Service in Washington, D.C., the costs of the tests will be determined by the state in which it is administered. It is currently between $0 and $250, and in 2014 will "marginally increase or decrease" according to which state you live in. (Decrease? Forgive me for being doubtful ...) Criteria for passing or failing the test will remain the same.

Readers, any of you who are not computer literate should start now. Do not delay. If you are uncomfortable with technology and have a friend or relative who is knowledgeable, more information can be obtained by visiting www.gedtestingservice.com.

Work & School
life

Reader Disheartened By Co-Workers' Ugly Sides

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 20th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been in the workplace for 20 years. During that time I have witnessed lying, cheating, lechery, betrayal, vicious gossip, arrogance, entitlement, stealing and bullying, etc.

Last week, a co-worker whom I liked and respected confided to me that she hopes a 102-year-old relative will die soon because she needs to inherit some money. I was floored and had a hard time keeping the shock off my face.

Does work bring out the worst in people? Is it because we all must be here every day? Is it too many people competing for too few resources? Is my hide too thin? Am I in the wrong job? -- THE DAILY GRIND

DEAR DAILY GRIND: When you spend eight hours a day with people, they usually reveal their core values at some point. In your case, you appear to work with someone who "over-shares." I don't think your hide is too thin, and I'm not in a position to tell you if you're in the wrong job. You may, however, be overdue for a vacation.

P.S. Let's cross our fingers and hope that relative makes it to 110.

DeathWork & SchoolFriends & Neighbors
life

No Sharing Required For Winning Ticket Received As Gift

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 20th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a family disagreement. A scratch ticket is given to a friend or relative as a gift. If that ticket is a winner, is there an expectation that the winnings should be shared with the person who gave the ticket? -- JEFF IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JEFF: A gift is a gift. There is no obligation to share. Alexander Pope wrote, "Hope springs eternal in the human breast," but if you are hoping you'll get a cut of the money, don't hold your breath.

MoneyEtiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Widow Is Stung by Beau's Exclusion From Weddings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 19th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I took care of my husband for 10 years before his death from early-onset Alzheimer's. I am in a relationship now, and I'm finding that a widow's status is far different than that of a wife.

Not long ago, I was invited to a friend's daughter's wedding. When I asked if I could bring "Sam," I was told, "No, we don't know him and there are a lot of other people we would like to invite." I got the same response from my first cousin when I asked if I could bring Sam to her son's wedding: "No, we don't have room for him and we don't know him."

Abby, Sam and I are a couple; he is not a casual boyfriend. Surely, if we were married he would be invited. Please tell me what is proper when inviting a widow to a wedding or other event. I find the responses I received from my friend and relative to be insensitive and hurtful. -- WIDOW STANDS ALONE

DEAR WIDOW: It is considered a breach of etiquette to ask to bring a guest to an expensive event like a wedding if only you have been invited. If that option were open, your invitation would have been addressed to "Mary Smith, and guest."

It's likely that money constraints dictated the guest list be limited at both of these weddings. If this happens again, it is up to you to decide whether witnessing the event is more important than your discomfort. Some people would skip the reception because sitting around listening to music and watching couples having a great time on the dance floor is too depressing.

Love & DatingFamily & ParentingDeathFriends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Almost-Grad Should Come Clean With Boyfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 19th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I doubt this will be answered, but I am desperate. I have been dating this awesome guy for three months. He is really sweet and I feel like it's going somewhere.

The problem is, I lied to him. He's well-educated and he continuously encourages me to further my education. He thinks I'm a college grad, when in reality, I am three credits short of a diploma. I plan to finish this summer. Should I come clean, or should I let him think what he thinks? -- GOING SOMEPLACE AND FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I think you'd feel better if you cleared the air, and if you do, I'm sure he will respect you for having the character to do so. Explain that in your eagerness to impress him you didn't mention that you're three credits short of graduating, but you'll have them by autumn. If it's a deal-breaker, I'd be surprised, but it would mean he wasn't the man for you.

Love & Dating
life

Those Birthday Candles May Have More Life In Them

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 19th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it tacky to reuse birthday candles? It seems silly to throw away candles that have been used for only a minute or two, but I know some people think it's bad etiquette. What do you think? -- MADELINE IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR MADELINE: Most birthday cakes arrive at the table already lit. Some people reuse birthday candles if they haven't burned down very far. I don't know who told you "etiquette" would be breached if you didn't use candles right out of the box, but the next time someone says it, you have my permission to reply, "Better a cake with used candles than no cake at all."

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Mom Dreads Rivalry Between Daughter and Her New Sibling

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 18th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 5-year-old daughter I'll call Mandy. Her father and I separated when she was 16 months old and now we are divorced. I am newly engaged to a wonderful man and very happy.

I have just learned that my ex is having a baby boy with a woman he has stated he does not love and isn't even in a committed relationship with. I would like to protect Mandy from any pain this might cause her because she is a Daddy's girl.

How should I deal with this and maintain my composure regarding the sibling who will now forever be a part of my daughter's life (and mine)? -- STRESSED OUT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STRESSED OUT: It is not appropriate to show your disgust with this situation to your daughter. Because your ex has gone on record that he doesn't love the woman he impregnated, and he is not in a committed relationship with her, you may be worrying needlessly. He will have a financial obligation to his son, but whether he's willing to be a father in the best sense of the word we don't know.

If Mandy interacts with her half brother she will have to learn to share, which is an important life lesson every child must learn sooner or later.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Woman Bilked By Lover Seeks Advice

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 18th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something divorced female. After my divorce I met a man I enjoyed being with. He led me to believe he cared for me and I bought into it. It was a vulnerable time for me and, unfortunately, I let my guard down. I did something stupid and co-signed for a student loan for him. He has stopped making payments, has blocked my calls, moved, etc., and now I'm stuck with the financial burden.

I have learned that he had a fiancee while we were involved and they are now married. Abby, he was bilking me the whole time.

I need to know what legal recourse I have. I know where he lives and possibly where he works, so if he needs to be served with papers, he can be found. I regret that I didn't keep my guard up, and I don't feel he should get away with this. What should I do now? -- LET MY GUARD DOWN IN OHIO

DEAR LET YOUR GUARD DOWN: It appears you have been the victim of a fraud. If I were you, the first thing I'd do is share his address with the loan company. Then I'd discuss this matter with the police to find out if he has a history of bilking women and if I could file charges. If that isn't possible, the next thing I'd do is talk with a lawyer about any legal remedies available to me. And that's what I'm advising you to do.

MoneyLove & Dating
life

Arthritis A Good Reason To Defer Handshakes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 18th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I work in the media and meet a lot of people. I have arthritis in my hands. I have always believed in a firm handshake, but I'm finding that receiving one is crippling my hand. I don't want to appear unfriendly by not reciprocating a handshake, but I don't want my hand to ache for hours on end after meeting someone. Any suggestions? -- HURTING IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HURTING: It would not be unfriendly to simply say, "It's nice to meet you, but I can't shake hands because I have arthritis." Many people do, and it's the truth.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety

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