DEAR ABBY: I took care of my husband for 10 years before his death from early-onset Alzheimer's. I am in a relationship now, and I'm finding that a widow's status is far different than that of a wife.

Not long ago, I was invited to a friend's daughter's wedding. When I asked if I could bring "Sam," I was told, "No, we don't know him and there are a lot of other people we would like to invite." I got the same response from my first cousin when I asked if I could bring Sam to her son's wedding: "No, we don't have room for him and we don't know him."

Abby, Sam and I are a couple; he is not a casual boyfriend. Surely, if we were married he would be invited. Please tell me what is proper when inviting a widow to a wedding or other event. I find the responses I received from my friend and relative to be insensitive and hurtful. -- WIDOW STANDS ALONE

DEAR WIDOW: It is considered a breach of etiquette to ask to bring a guest to an expensive event like a wedding if only you have been invited. If that option were open, your invitation would have been addressed to "Mary Smith, and guest."

It's likely that money constraints dictated the guest list be limited at both of these weddings. If this happens again, it is up to you to decide whether witnessing the event is more important than your discomfort. Some people would skip the reception because sitting around listening to music and watching couples having a great time on the dance floor is too depressing.

DEAR ABBY: I doubt this will be answered, but I am desperate. I have been dating this awesome guy for three months. He is really sweet and I feel like it's going somewhere.

The problem is, I lied to him. He's well-educated and he continuously encourages me to further my education. He thinks I'm a college grad, when in reality, I am three credits short of a diploma. I plan to finish this summer. Should I come clean, or should I let him think what he thinks? -- GOING SOMEPLACE AND FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I think you'd feel better if you cleared the air, and if you do, I'm sure he will respect you for having the character to do so. Explain that in your eagerness to impress him you didn't mention that you're three credits short of graduating, but you'll have them by autumn. If it's a deal-breaker, I'd be surprised, but it would mean he wasn't the man for you.

DEAR ABBY: Is it tacky to reuse birthday candles? It seems silly to throw away candles that have been used for only a minute or two, but I know some people think it's bad etiquette. What do you think? -- MADELINE IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR MADELINE: Most birthday cakes arrive at the table already lit. Some people reuse birthday candles if they haven't burned down very far. I don't know who told you "etiquette" would be breached if you didn't use candles right out of the box, but the next time someone says it, you have my permission to reply, "Better a cake with used candles than no cake at all."

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 5-year-old daughter I'll call Mandy. Her father and I separated when she was 16 months old and now we are divorced. I am newly engaged to a wonderful man and very happy.

I have just learned that my ex is having a baby boy with a woman he has stated he does not love and isn't even in a committed relationship with. I would like to protect Mandy from any pain this might cause her because she is a Daddy's girl.

How should I deal with this and maintain my composure regarding the sibling who will now forever be a part of my daughter's life (and mine)? -- STRESSED OUT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STRESSED OUT: It is not appropriate to show your disgust with this situation to your daughter. Because your ex has gone on record that he doesn't love the woman he impregnated, and he is not in a committed relationship with her, you may be worrying needlessly. He will have a financial obligation to his son, but whether he's willing to be a father in the best sense of the word we don't know.

If Mandy interacts with her half brother she will have to learn to share, which is an important life lesson every child must learn sooner or later.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something divorced female. After my divorce I met a man I enjoyed being with. He led me to believe he cared for me and I bought into it. It was a vulnerable time for me and, unfortunately, I let my guard down. I did something stupid and co-signed for a student loan for him. He has stopped making payments, has blocked my calls, moved, etc., and now I'm stuck with the financial burden.

I have learned that he had a fiancee while we were involved and they are now married. Abby, he was bilking me the whole time.

I need to know what legal recourse I have. I know where he lives and possibly where he works, so if he needs to be served with papers, he can be found. I regret that I didn't keep my guard up, and I don't feel he should get away with this. What should I do now? -- LET MY GUARD DOWN IN OHIO

DEAR LET YOUR GUARD DOWN: It appears you have been the victim of a fraud. If I were you, the first thing I'd do is share his address with the loan company. Then I'd discuss this matter with the police to find out if he has a history of bilking women and if I could file charges. If that isn't possible, the next thing I'd do is talk with a lawyer about any legal remedies available to me. And that's what I'm advising you to do.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the media and meet a lot of people. I have arthritis in my hands. I have always believed in a firm handshake, but I'm finding that receiving one is crippling my hand. I don't want to appear unfriendly by not reciprocating a handshake, but I don't want my hand to ache for hours on end after meeting someone. Any suggestions? -- HURTING IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HURTING: It would not be unfriendly to simply say, "It's nice to meet you, but I can't shake hands because I have arthritis." Many people do, and it's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: It's vacation time again, time to hit the road in the RV. Please make your readers aware that people driving motorhomes, towing fifth-wheel trailers and travel trailers cannot stop as quickly as a small car or truck.

When people cut in front of an RV or a large truck and slam on their brakes, it puts many people's lives in danger. There is a reason we leave that large space between our RV and the vehicle in front of us. It provides us room to stop as well as the ability to see what's happening in the traffic ahead.

Your readers should also know that even though we RV-ers have mirrors and possibly rear video cameras, there are many blind spots -- especially if the car behind us is following too close or weaving in and out of lanes.

The bottom line is: Be safe. Be courteous. Drive like your life and the lives of others are in your control because it is literally true. -- HAPPY CAMPER, PASCO, WASH.

DEAR HAPPY CAMPER: I'm glad you wrote because I have received several letters recently, asking me to alert my readers about the risk of driving too close to RVs and fifth-wheel vehicles. Too many motorists don't realize that it's impossible to stop suddenly while pulling a load that weighs several tons. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: A woman here at work constantly asks to borrow money. The first time she did it, she caught me off guard and I gave her $20. The second time she sent me an email asking for a loan, I replied that I only had a few dollars.

I'm not the only person she asks. Five other people in our department have told me she has hit them up too. One of them reported her to our HR manager, but it hasn't stopped her. To be fair, she did return the $20 I loaned her, but isn't this akin to a hostile work environment?

We all avoid her because we know she'll ask for money, but we also have to work with her every day. Times are tough for everyone, and it's irritating that she thinks she's the only one with money problems.

Is there anything we can do short of ganging up on her and telling her to leave us all alone? -- ALSO FEELING THE PINCH IN UTAH

DEAR ALSO FEELING THE PINCH: The next time the woman asks for a loan, tell her you're not in the loan business, and that you're not the only one who feels put upon. Suggest that unless she wants to become an outcast she will stop asking for money because it has made everyone uncomfortable. If she persists after that, report what she's doing to HR as a group.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who was raised Catholic. I'm not Catholic, and every time I attend a wedding or funeral for one of her family members I feel uncomfortable and awkward. I often sit in the very back pew to go unnoticed.

The Catholic Church offers beautiful, unique customs that I am simply ignorant about -- like when to sit, kneel, recite, take bread, etc. I feel if I don't comply with customs at these events, I might come off as rude or disrespectful. On the other hand, if I do try, my ignorance may appear just as rude and disrespectful.

What is the right thing to do in situations like these? I want to be respectful of any religion. -- MANNERLY IN INDIANA

DEAR MANNERLY: No rule of etiquette demands that you participate in the rituals of another person's religion. If you feel uncomfortable sitting while others kneel or stand, then follow their lead. Or, continue to sit quietly at the back of the church as you are doing, which is perfectly acceptable. However, only members of the congregation in good standing should take communion.