DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have been together 23 years and his parents have embraced me as one of their own. A few years ago, we bought his mother a beautiful diamond cocktail ring for Mother's Day. She's now 84, and when she passes on, I'd like that ring back to have it turned into a ring for my partner. It's a gesture I'm sure would please him, and I hope his mother as well. I believe she's leaving her jewelry to her granddaughter, which is fine. But this particular ring will mean so much if I turn it into a ring for her son.

Would it be tacky for me to request this of Mom if I tell her why? I don't want to offend anyone, and I know the person who inherits her jewelry will probably pawn or sell it anyway. (I'd also like to keep it on the down low so my partner doesn't find out until the ring is given to him.) What do you think, Abby? -- PHIL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PHIL: I think what you have in mind is beautiful, and I can't imagine why your partner's mother would object if you raise the subject. Estate planning is a fact of life. However, if she doesn't wish to change her will, and you think the granddaughter is likely to pawn the ring anyway, you could offer to buy it from the granddaughter when the time comes.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper to invite men to a bridal shower? -- CURIOUS GUY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CURIOUS GUY: According to Emily Post: "Today, showers are just as likely to include the groom and his male friends."

There's nothing improper about asking men to participate. The purpose of a shower for a bridal couple (or the expected arrival of a baby) is to celebrate the upcoming event and express good wishes. It's also a way to give the couple things they'll need.

DEAR ABBY: I am no advice columnist, but may I offer a few wise words to future brides?

I have been married for 25 years and have never had an argument with my mother-in-law. Never! My mother gave me some valuable advice before my wedding that I'd like to pass along. She said, "Always respect the woman who made the man you love."

I never forgot it, and my MIL has always been welcome in my home for as long as she wishes. If we had any differences, a respectful dialogue was opened right away -- especially if it concerned our kids' education.

We have enjoyed shopping, eating, cooking, parties, caring for newborns and family moments together for as long as I can remember. Sadly, she is now frail and can no longer travel as much as she once could.

The women who made our husbands deserve all the respect we can offer them because if we are happy as wives, it is thanks to all of them. -- SIMONE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SIMONE: Your mother is an intelligent lady, and so are you for having taken her advice to heart. Because few people are in total agreement about everything, there is much to be learned when adults can air their opinions respectfully. This is true of all human relationships.

Because today is Mother's Day, I would like to wish a happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere, be they birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers or grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. I applaud you all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who is happy, healthy and doing great in school. But lately I have felt sad, lonely and just plain frustrated. I used to talk to my parents about it, but I don't feel comfortable doing it anymore, and my friends don't like listening to me.

I have tried hard to push back these feelings, but it is putting a strain on me. Sometimes I break down crying and can't stop. Most people think it's just my age, but it's not. It's more than that. I want to talk to a psychologist, but I'm scared to ask for one. What do you think? -- SO MIXED UP

DEAR SO MIXED UP: Admitting you need professional help with a problem isn't something to be scared of. It is a sign of maturity. Your mood swings may be caused by the hormonal changes going on in your body as you are becoming a woman. However, because they are of concern to you, it is important that you let your parents and your pediatrician or a counselor at school know how you are feeling. It's the surest way to get the reassurance and, if necessary, the counseling you think you need.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old daughter wants a dog more than anything in the world. She mentions it at least once a day.

She's a great kid, well-behaved and doing well in school, so I hate to disappoint her. But I have absolutely no interest in taking on the added responsibility of a pet like that.

My wife and I work long hours and our home is unoccupied for most of the day. It would have to be adjusted to be pet-friendly. I have nothing against pets, but I could never be considered an animal lover. We currently have two goldfish, but I can see that the time those guys bought me is quickly running out.

I want my daughter to be happy and rewarded for what a great kid she is. I don't want a dog. What do I do? -- BAD DADDY OUT WEST

DEAR DADDY: I would have suggested that you consider allowing your daughter to adopt a hamster or guinea pig, but they require a certain amount of care. A child has to be responsible enough to feed, water and clean the cage daily, and at 6, your daughter is not mature enough. Tell her that when she is older you will consider letting her have a pet. Cats require much less care than dogs do. Perhaps a compromise could be worked out at a later date.

DEAR ABBY: I am 75, and when I pass on I would like the undertaker to remove my six gold caps from my teeth. Then my wife can sell them to pay for my funeral. I think this will work out well. What is your take on this? -- ED IN FLORIDA

DEAR ED: As I started researching "dental gold," I realized that while there are companies that buy it, the price your wife would get will depend upon the weight of the gold -- most of which is 16-karat -- and the current market value of the metal.

Because of the nosedive that gold has experienced lately, I'm advising you to start saving up for your funeral now and to live long and prosper. My experts have informed me that most funeral homes are unwilling to remove fillings, caps, etc.

DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime reader but a first-time writer. My problem has been bothering me for some time now.

We have a grandson who is 4 and very much a "princess boy." He likes girl toys and dresses and doesn't like any of his boy toys. We're at a loss about how to handle this.

He's an adorable little boy and we love him to pieces. His parents don't accept this behavior, and I'm afraid it will affect him now and in the future. How would you handle this? We don't say anything to his parents because they are pretty much in denial. -- WORRIED GRANDMA

DEAR WORRIED: If he were my grandchild I'd talk with the parents. I, too, am concerned about how their attitude will affect the child in the future, because parents are supposed to love and accept children the way they are, and sexual orientation is inborn. Children who feel consistent disapproval grow up thinking they aren't good enough and don't measure up -- which can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I would "handle this" by making sure my grandson knew I loved, accepted and valued him just the way he is. If that means allowing him to play with the toys of his choice in my home, that's what I'd do. And if he showed more interest in art, music and dance and less interest in sports, trucks, etc., I'd support that, too.

I'm glad you asked this question. Your grandson may or may not grow up to be gay or transgender, which is what I think your letter is really about. Regardless of what his orientation is, it's very important that he knows he is valued for who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I know this boy that I really love. He's nice, smart and funny and I think about him all the time. He says he loves me back.

Is this true love, or just a mutual crush? I know I'm only 13, but I think I'm in love. Is it ridiculous to think I have found true love in seventh grade? How can I tell whether it's love or not? And what would you consider the usual age to find your perfect other half? -- CONFUSED IN LOVE

DEAR CONFUSED: No one can predict how old you will be when you meet someone who is your perfect other half. People's interests and needs evolve as they grow older, and what seems perfect today can seem less so when viewed through the lens of life experience.

I would never label your feelings as "ridiculous," but when you are in love, there is usually no doubt about it. Because you need to ask someone else if what you're feeling is true love, then it probably isn't.

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy on an online dating site. It turns out I know him. He works at a store I shop in three times a week. He's nice, funny and everything I'm looking for in a guy except he's 25 and I'm 17.

He knows how old I am and for a while he was fine with it. Now he thinks I'm a cop and I'm going to bust him for trying to have sex with me 'cause I'm underage. He explained why he thinks that, and he made sense. But I'm not a cop. I gave him information trying to prove I'm not.

Abby, I really like him. How do I prove that I'm not a cop? How do I show him he can trust me? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN OREGON

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Undercover cops are older than 17. Because you say this man was "fine" with seeing you, but now is pulling away, it is possible that he is trying to let you down without hurting your feelings. You are not yet out of high school and this man is far ahead of you in life experience. Rather than try to talk him into having a sexual relationship with you, you would be much better off finding someone your own age.