DEAR ABBY: I have been separated for three years and am now going through a divorce. I have started a new relationship, and, for the first time, I know what being in love feels like.

"Mason" is a remarkable man with many great qualities. However, when we go to my friends' parties, they often make comments and belittle him because he didn't graduate from college. Mason is a security guard. It doesn't bother me, but I feel bad when people ask him why he didn't become a police officer "instead."

My friends are all professionals who married other professionals. They don't realize that they can sometimes be snobs. I don't know how to approach this subject without getting into an awkward confrontation. Mason's feelings were hurt before by a prior girlfriend whose family and friends thought he was a loser because he's a security guard.

I love him and want this to work. Why do I let other people's comments affect me? And how can I approach them about this matter? -- UNHAPPY IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNHAPPY: You may be affected because your friends are unable to see the wonderful qualities in Mason that you do. Please understand that they may feel they are trying to look out for your best interests after what has to be a traumatic disappointment -- the long, depressing slog through your divorce. If your friends persist in making comments to Mason about his job, you should ask them to please stop because they are making both of you uncomfortable.

However, I would be remiss if I didn't caution you: After someone has experienced a divorce, it is not unusual to experience a rush of adrenaline -- a kind of "high" -- during the next relationship. While it seems idyllic, the problem is that it usually doesn't last, which is why rebound relationships often don't work out. This is not to imply that there is anything wrong with Mason, only that you would be wise to take your time before rushing into another marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I want to be at home on Christmas! Am I so bad? Every year, my mother-in-law pushes us to be at her house on Christmas. My husband and I have even discussed this issue with a marriage counselor. Together, we agreed to always be in our home on Christmas Day. I am happy to have my in-laws over, but not bothered if they choose not to come.

My husband talked to his mother, and everything was worked out last year. However, when I told him she was starting up again, he got mad at me! It makes me sad that he is more worried about pacifying his mother than making memories with me.

I want to fix dinner and do special things in my home because I didn't have that when I was a child. Am I so terrible to want that? She had her time. Now I want my time. -- WANTS MY TURN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS YOUR TURN: Your husband got mad at you because he has been on the receiving end of heavy pressure from his mother. She's alive and kicking, so in her mind her "time" is not yet over.

While I sympathize with your desire to establish traditions of your own, you will encounter less resistance and resentment if you do it gradually. A way to do that would be to alternate Christmas holidays between your home and your in-laws' -- a suggestion I hope you will take to heart.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school and will be off to college next year. Like my older brother, I will be attending a school 30 minutes from home.

A problem he has, and that I'm worried about, is setting boundaries with our father. Dad works near the college and insists on stopping by to visit my brother at least once a week. If my brother refuses to meet with him, Dad guilt-trips him and gets angry.

I want to experience independence in college. How can I avoid this problem and set visitation boundaries with my father? -- COLLEGE BOUND IN GEORGIA

DEAR COLLEGE BOUND: So many people your age who write to me have no father involved in their lives at all, and you appear to have a little too much. I agree that by the time a student reaches college, it is time for more independence than your father seems willing to give your brother.

If your mother is in the picture, perhaps she could reason with your dad. However, if that's not possible, your brother -- and you -- may have to transfer to other schools to put some distance between you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and his 4-year-old daughter live with me and my two children. We keep our finances separate. I am self-employed and work mostly from home. I also take care of the household chores.

My problem is that he thinks because I work from home I should take care of his daughter during the day, versus her going to day care. My schedule is very full, and I enjoy being able to work from home without the interruptions of having to play nanny while my children are in school. However, I feel guilty about not helping him out on this.

Am I selfish for not helping him, or am I justified in my feelings? -- DON'T WANT TO BE THE NANNY

DEAR DON'T WANT TO BE THE NANNY: If you need the income from your business, that's where you should be directing your energy. Your job, coupled with the housework, is enough to handle.

Your boyfriend is employed, and he can place the 4-year-old in day care during the hours your children are in school. Depending upon your schedule, including his daughter in whatever activities your children are involved in should not take up too large a chunk of your time.

DEAR ABBY: Charlie and I have been married 14 years. Between 1970 and 1980, he traveled with a big circus. He says those were the best years of his life.

We have taken several cruises together and other nice trips, but he never mentions them. It's always his circus days that he talks about.

I have asked him several times not to bring the subject up so much. He will go a day or two before mentioning the circus again. Is there anything I can say to make him stop? It's driving me crazy. -- BORED UNDER THE BIG TOP

DEAR BORED: I'm sure your husband doesn't mean to belittle the good times you have had together. But his circus adventure ended 30 years ago. What I suspect Charlie is reminiscing about is less the circus than it is his youth.

Try this the next time he mentions the subject: Remind him that you have already heard the story.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for seven years. Since our wedding, he has had increasing health problems.

He recently told me that he planned his funeral three months ago, without saying a word to me. I am very concerned that he seems more focused on death than on life. Am I wrong to be upset? He says I am. -- WIFE IN BURLINGTON, N.J.

DEAR WIFE: I don't blame you for being concerned because husbands and wives should be able to discuss important topics with each other, and this is one of them.

When your husband has his next medical appointment, go with him so you can speak with his physician. It's possible that because of his "increasing health problems" he has become depressed, and if that's the case, his doctor should be told.

It is always helpful for spouses to accompany each other to their medical appointments in case the patient forgets to ask a question or tell the doctor something he or she needs to know.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son, "Dustin," moved out five years ago, but he expects me to keep all his childhood and college items in his old bedroom because he says he doesn't have room for them in his apartment.

I'd like to clear out his closet and dresser and use the space for things I want to store. I need more space for me.

Dustin is calling me selfish because I want to change "his" room and move my stuff in there. I say I need the space, and if he wants to keep all his stuff, he should rent a storage locker. By the way, he sleeps here maybe five nights a year at most.

How long are parents obligated to keep their grown children's keepsakes? -- WANTS MY SPACE

DEAR WANTS YOUR SPACE: You are asking an emotionally loaded question. While, rationally, five years should be long enough, clearing "his" room instead of maintaining it as a shrine may feel like abandonment to your adult child.

Give Dustin a little more time to adjust -- like six months -- and then insist that he find a place for his things. That way it will be a little less traumatic.

DEAR ABBY: During these hard times, may I tell you about my daughter? Every year at Christmas, I let our children pick one present for around $30 for themselves. They know that we don't have a lot of money and that "Santa" brings only a few presents.

My daughter chose to give her "Christmas money" to a charity so that another family can be blessed. She's only 9, and she understands there are families who are in more need than us. She truly is an angel for reminding me of that.

I went to our local food pantry and told them what my daughter wanted to do for Christmas. The director wrote her a letter of thanks and explained how many families her $30 would be helping. I'm so proud of my girl. Sometimes it takes a child to remind us how all of us should act. -- BLESSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BLESSED: Yes, it's true. But invariably it takes good parents to instill a spirit of empathy and generosity in their children. So some of the credit belongs to you.