life

Husband's Hairpiece Attracts Unwanted Attention in Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband wears a hairpiece. Unfortunately, it doesn't look very real. Nearly every time we are in a public place, I notice somebody staring or laughing at it. I have talked to him about it only a couple of times, but each time he tells me how attached he is to it and how good it feels on his head. I want him to be happy, but I do not want him to be publicly ridiculed. Should I throw it away? -- WIFE OF A MAN WITH A "SECRET"

DEAR WIFE: Absolutely not. If you want to help your husband, start talking with some hairstylists. There may be a product on the market that is more convincing than what your husband is wearing. (Depending upon how much hair he has on the back of his head, a transplant of some follicles may also be possible.) This isn't just about him having something on his head that "feels good." If it was only that, he'd be wearing a hat.

Marriage & DivorceLove & DatingSex & Gender
life

Differing View On Sex Takes Toll On Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am recently married, and my husband and I have not consummated our marriage. I made it very clear that this would not be a part of our life together, and he agreed long before we took our vows. We sleep separately.

Recently, my husband has become sullen and passive-aggressive. He tries to push the issue, to the point of making unwanted physical contact. He knew going in that I am extremely uncomfortable with this form of intimacy and that my views would not change.

We love each other, but his behavior is starting to take a toll on me and the stress is straining our relationship. Please help. -- ASEXUAL IN LOVE

DEAR ASEXUAL: You and your husband are obviously not on the same page as far as what your expectations are about your marriage. How uncomfortable for you and how frustrating for him. He may have thought that after your wedding, with time, he could change your mind -- or he may regard your lack of interest in sex as personal rejection.

For the kind of marriage you envisioned, both parties must feel the same way about sex. Because he agreed to something he can't live with, it might be better for both of you if you separated.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Ethics About Senior Discount Vary By Person, Restaurant

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 11th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a disagreement I'm having with my mother's boyfriend?

The three of us go out to eat together often. Most times we "go Dutch" and pay for our own meals. The problem arises when he pays for my meal. He'll request the senior price for all of us because he's paying.

I believe the senior discount should apply to the seniors in the group only, and mine should be the regular price. I don't think it's wrong to ask for the senior discount for theirs when I'm paying, but do not feel right claiming it for mine. (I'm more than 20 years away from qualifying.)

It embarrasses me when he does it. I'd much rather pay the full adult price. Even if it's only 50 cents, I still feel like it's cheating.

Shouldn't a senior discount apply to items being purchased for the senior, or should the senior be able to apply their discount for everyone at the table, even if the person is underage? -- KIM IN IOWA CITY

DEAR KIM: Senior discounts are intended to accommodate people who are presumably retired and living on a fixed income. That said, various restaurants make their own rules. If they are willing to comply when your mother's boyfriend asks that everyone be included in the discount, it's no reflection on you if he's the one doing the asking and paying the bill.

life

Girl Knows Truth About Santa, but Mom Refuses to Fess Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 10th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a 12-year-old daughter who keeps telling me she knows Santa isn't real. "Angela" is an only child, so we don't have a younger child to worry about carrying on the tradition.

I keep telling her that I believe, and as long as she believes, Santa will come. Angela went so far this year to tell me that she won't write a letter to Santa to prove her point. I guess I have a problem admitting to my daughter that her father and I haven't been truthful all these years. I would love some advice on how to handle this. -- I BELIEVE, IN NAVARRE, FLA.

DEAR I BELIEVE: The jig is up. You're no longer fooling your daughter. By not leveling with her, the message you have been sending is that if she wants straight answers, she will have to go elsewhere to find them. Sit Angela down and explain that the spirit of Santa is embodied by loving parents who want their children to experience the wonder of the holiday as well as the pleasures it brings.

P.S. And if you haven't done so already, recant the story you probably told her about the stork.

Family & Parenting
life

Boyfriend's Travel Schedule Presents A Challenge

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 10th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years. I have started seeing a truck driver I'll call Ted. His job keeps him away from me a lot of the time. I'm used to being by myself, so it doesn't bother me that much. Ted calls and texts me all day, so the communication is there.

My family is telling me it will never work because I need someone with me in the evenings -- like my ex was. I say it will work because I'm used to being by myself now. Ted and I have a lot in common.

I guess what I'm asking is, should I pay attention to what my family is saying or tell them to mind their own business? -- OK BY MYSELF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR OK: Constant togetherness is no guarantee that a marriage will be successful. If it was, you wouldn't be divorced from your "ever-present" ex. When choosing a partner it is important to listen to both your heart and your head.

Continue the relationship and see how it plays out. Tell your family you appreciate their concern, but this is something you must decide for yourself. "Mind your own business" seems a bit harsh.

Love & Dating
life

Women With Potential Disorder Could Use Friendship, Not Prying Questions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 10th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I see a very skeletal woman every day at my gym. She does an hour on the sit-up machine. Her stomach sticks out like a person suffering from starvation. It hurts to look at her.

I feel I have a moral obligation to do or say something in case she is suffering from anorexia. However, I would not feel obligated to say anything to an obese woman at the gym. I am also afraid this person may have another condition that is causing her to waste away.

How should I offer support to her? Or should I just ignore her like the other people at the gym do? -- WORKING OUT WITH MY EYES OPEN

DEAR WORKING OUT: If you would like to reach out to her, be friendly, but do not comment on her appearance. As you get to know each other you will learn more about her condition -- if she has one. If you say anything right off the bat, it could be considered rude, nosy or insensitive, so I don't recommend it.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Woman Is Ready to Say Yes to Man's 4 Year Old Proposal

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 9th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman and have been in a committed relationship with "Max" for six years. He proposed four years ago and I told him I wanted to marry him, except I wasn't ready at that time.

The years have gone by, and we have flourished as a couple. Most people would swear that we're already married. However, I have been worrying lately that I might have blown my chance for another proposal. Max doesn't mention marriage anymore except if I initiate conversation with a related topic. Some of our mutual friends are now engaged and Max has made no comment on the future of our relationship. He seems content in our current state.

I feel silly for wanting to be proposed to again, but it is important to me. I don't want to be pushy and force Max into it. Should I talk to him about it or wait it out and see? -- HOPEFUL FUTURE BRIDE IN NEVADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Max is not a mind reader. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so if you want a second proposal, squeak up and tell him so. Because you put him off before, he may think you are still not ready for further commitment.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

It's Never Too To Thank Loved Ones For Attending Memorial Service

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 9th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I can't believe I'm actually writing to you, but I need an answer to this question. What is the time limit for acknowledging someone's attendance at a memorial service?

My mother passed away nine months ago. Our relationship had not been an easy one. She had been ill, but the end came very quickly. My youngest sister had died two years before.

To make a long story short, I went into a total meltdown. Life just stopped for me. Would it be appropriate to "come clean" and tell everyone that I was grossly overwhelmed (an understatement) with my grieving, or should I just send a short acknowledgment, thanking them for the time they took to attend my mother's memorial? -- WONDERING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WONDERING: Grief is an individual process. No two people grieve exactly alike, and most of us understand that. It is never too late to say thank you, and if you include an explanation with your acknowledgment, it would be appreciated.

DeathEtiquette & Ethics
life

Omitting Husband's Name From Christmas Cards Will Raise Eyebrows

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 9th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am sending out our annual Christmas cards. I do not want to include my husband's name on them this year. We haven't spoken to each other in two years. We still occupy the same house -- but thank God it's large so we don't have to see each other often. We have a son away at college. Please tell me it is OK. -- MARRIED AND NOT, ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR MARRIED AND NOT: If you follow your impulse and omit your husband's name from the cards, it will be like announcing that he is dead or that you have separated. While I sympathize with you, do not omit his name unless you are prepared to answer the questions that will surely follow. If you're ready to "make an announcement," then do as you wish.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics

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