DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend of two years is paying for his daughter’s wedding, which is on the other side of the country. The groom’s mother is single and is low-income, so her side wanted to keep the numbers down for the rehearsal dinner. About three months ago, my BF offered to pay for me to join them, but the daughter refused saying it would make her future mother-in-law feel weird.
The wedding is in about a month and now the single ex-wife of 10 years called my BF to tell him she is inviting four “besties” to the rehearsal dinner and paying for them, which the daughter agreed to. My BF thought it was nice of the ex-wife to call him, and he told me it makes sense because she is giving the future mother-in-law more money (for four extra people) vs. him just giving her money for one dinner.
I was offended when the daughter originally told my BF no, but I accepted it and just figured I would find something else to do. Now I’m very hurt and angry.
Due to COVID and his kids living far away, I have not met anyone in the family, nor will I know anyone at the wedding. Now I definitely don’t want to join in the rehearsal dinner, and I’m not even sure I want to go to the wedding (of about 150 people), which is also in a very high COVID-rate state. What should I do? --- ANONYMOUS
DEAR ANONYMOUS: While I don’t understand your boyfriend’s financial reasoning — and I believe he could’ve made a stronger case for having you at the rehearsal dinner — I’m guessing your main disadvantage in this situation is that you’re an unknown commodity to his family. You haven’t even met the bride yet, whereas her mother’s friends may be people the bride’s known for years.
It probably wouldn’t be the best look to back out of the wedding at this point. It’s your chance to shine as a positive addition to your boyfriend’s world, as you get acquainted with key family members and they get to know you a bit too.
Best case, things go smoothly, and the family appreciates and accepts you. And if that doesn’t happen, you’ve got the consolation of being separated from them by a continent most of the time.