DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my husband and I got married two years ago, his grandmother chose not only to not attend the wedding, but to also urge the rest of his family to also skip it because she didn’t like that her “favorite” grandson was marrying a white woman. Not only a white woman, but a Catholic one at that.
Because of how she treated us, and what I know she thinks about me, I am not all that interested in including her at my baby shower, but I know the omission will hurt my mother-in-law, who is a truly kind and loving lady, and has never treated me as anything but a daughter since my engagement to her son. She does, however, freely acknowledge that her mother is difficult, but also feels my reaching out to her will perhaps make a difference in how her mother sees me.
Tell me why I should put myself on the line again and invite a woman who clearly hates me to an event I am otherwise very excited about, with the exception of fearing she’ll turn up? --- HATED GRANDDAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR HATED GRANDDAUGHTER-IN-LAW: Your husband’s grandmother has made her feelings about his choice of a wife abundantly clear. If she didn’t attend your wedding, it doesn’t seem likely she’d want to be on hand for this next happy occasion.
That said, since it means a lot to your mother-in-law, you could go ahead and include your grandmother-in-law on the guest list. You’ll have extended the olive branch. If she accepts, perhaps your mother-in-law is right, and her mother is ready to see you in a new light. If she declines or ignores the invitation altogether, nothing will have changed, through no fault of your own.