DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Even though my husband’s first wife is the one who decided on a divorce after she met someone else, whenever we get together with friends my husband and she had in common, I get the cold shoulder from the women. They treat me like I did something to hurt their friend, and all I did was marry her ex-husband, years after they split up.
While the men in the friends group treat me okay, to the women, I’m just a Hoe. I’ve told my husband about this, since he doesn’t seem to see it when we’re with his friends. He thinks I’m imagining it, but I know I’m not.
It’s like being back in high school, and I’ve told my husband I don’t want to be around those witches, but he thinks I’m just being snooty around his old friends.
What do I do to get this mess under control? --- NOT THE BAD GUY HERE
DEAR NOT THE BAD GUY HERE: My guess is the story being shared by your husband’s ex is quite different from the one your husband’s shared with you. Think of the old concept, “There are three sides to every story — his, hers, and the truth.” Unfortunately, you’re an unwitting character in all three tales, and it isn’t likely you’re going to change the minds of your predecessor’s friends, especially if there’s also an element of jealousy at play. That would help explain the high school freeze-out mentality.
Perhaps the time has come to break with your husband’s social past, and focus on establishing a new set of friends.
If, however, your husband continues to be blind to how awkward the time spent with his old gang is for you, then maybe you can encourage him to go stag to those events, while you choose to use the time to visit with friends and family of your own. He may tire of being the odd man out at couples events, and eventually opt to just stick to gatherings with the guys.