life

Hated Ex Is New Major Client

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 15th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I went through an incredibly horrible divorce nearly four years ago. I knew I had married the wrong guy less than a year into our marriage. Among his tricks were: he lied, he stole from me and my family, and although I could never prove it, I am sure he was cheating on me too.

A while ago I had heard that his company was in the market for a new PR firm, and as fate would have it, they decided to go with mine. It is our new star client, and my boss said he wants me to head up their account. It’s a huge deal to have this opportunity, but since my ex is their VP of Sales and Marketing, I already know I will have to be in direct contact with him, at least some of the time.

My boss is slightly familiar with my marital history, but has no idea how badly things went in the end. He has hinted that he knows this may be awkward for me, but he also said my ex requested me and my team specifically, which looks flattering to my boss, but which I know is just one more twist of the knife from my ex.

There is no way in hell I can see this ending well for me or my career. Asking to not be put on the job could negatively impact my future with my agency, but so could a blow-up between me and the only man in all the world I actively hate.

I pride myself on my professionalism, but doesn’t this seem like asking a bit too much of me? --- IN A TIGHT SPOT

DEAR IN A TIGHT SPOT: You mentioned that your boss was somewhat familiar with your marital situation. Perhaps a hint or two from you about the acrimonious nature of your parting with your ex wouldn’t be out of order. At the very least, he’d be on notice that there’s a potential for trouble ahead.

If you do end up with this account, as a safeguard to your personal wellbeing and professional integrity, maybe you could position someone on your team to be the lead in person contact when it comes time to deal directly with your ex. Putting a buffer between yourself and the man who made you miserable might be one way to both please your boss and protect yourself from anxiety.

In the long run, you may have less to worry about than you now anticipate. Your ex has some stake in the success of this new partnership too. He has bosses to please and a responsibility to his company, just as you do.

Work & SchoolMarriage & Divorce
life

Uneven Babysitting Exchange Causes Stress, Endangers Friendship

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 13th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A couple years ago, a good friend of mine and I started co-oping childcare coverage, since we were both primarily working from home. Throughout the pandemic, our arrangement continued to work well, but now my friend has started having to commute to her job again. Currently, she works remotely two days a week, and in-person three.

My job continues to be entirely remote, as it’s always been. I have to put in 5-7 hours a day to stay on top of my workload, and with watching both my own kids and my friend’s, I am having to work a lot of nights and sometimes part of the weekend to keep from falling behind. And, now since the kids have been home for the summer, the situation has been even more stressful.

I get that a boatload of money is being saved between my friend and I, since she’s still partially covering my kids the two days she’s home, but I’m getting worn down and a little resentful about having the bigger share of the childcare, which definitely affects my work and family situations.

What do I do to keep both my sanity and my friend? --- TOO MUCH TIME BABYSITTING

DEAR TOO MUCH TIME BABYSITTING: Rather than letting your feelings of frustration continue to fester into a resentment of your friend and your situation, I think you should level with her about how the current arrangement isn’t working as well for you as you’d hoped it would. Perhaps between you both, you can come up with a solution to make the childcare more equitable.

It may not be a bad idea to start by exploring hiring a reliable local teen to cover at least part of the workday. You and your friend could split the cost, which should certainly be considerably less than what either of you’d have to shell out for full or even parttime childcare outside the home.

Family & ParentingWork & SchoolCOVID-19
life

Old Photos of Ex-Wife Still on Display

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 9th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: The guy I’m seeing has only been divorced less than a year. It was one of those high school sweetheart things that didn’t make it very long after they were married.

I haven’t dated a whole lot of guys, but I never had one keep pictures of old loves out on display around his home before. Is this normal? It makes me wonder if he is really ready to move on. --- HAS HE MOVED ON?

DEAR HAS HE MOVED ON?: Since he was married to someone he was with for a long time, it’s not unreasonable to expect that it’s going to take a while for him to emotionally segue out of the failed relationship and into a new one. It’s also good to bear in mind that much of what he’s done for the past several years was done with his ex by his side.

If you’ve only been going together for a short while, it might be worth waiting a bit to see if his ex’s pictures start to disappear, particularly if things seem to be progressing between him and you. If it feels like you two are becoming a solid couple, I’d hope the old photos would start to be replaced by ones featuring the two of you.

If you don’t see that happening within what you feel is a reasonable timeframe, then the man you’re dating may not, as you speculate, be ready to move on, and you might want to start considering your options.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating

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