life

New Mom Hurt by Baby's Preference for Daddy

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 29th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My own mother says I’m being nuts, but it hurts me that although I’m the one home with our 11-month-old daughter, I become invisible when her daddy comes back from work. He swoops in and gets the hugs and cheek-sucking little kisses that I almost never get.

Obviously, our daughter doesn’t know this hurts, but it does. I also find myself sometimes resenting my husband unfairly. He doesn’t know how I feel either, and I think I would sound petty telling him, so I don’t. He's a great daddy, and deserves our baby’s love as much as I do. But still.

Do you agree with my mom that I’m being nuts? --- GOT A DADDY’S GIRL

DEAR GOT A DADDY’S GIRL: No, you’re not nuts. It can be a little rough on the primary caregiver when someone else seems to be the apple of a baby’s eye. But your turn will most likely come.

As circumstances permit, when you begin to take your little girl out into the world more, you’ll find it’s you she holds onto and counts on for shelter and security in new situations and around unfamiliar people and places. Right now, her daddy’s a different face and smile at the end of a day with you; but you’re her rock, and that counts for more than you may currently imagine.

For now, you might consider letting your husband know how you feel, to hopefully avoid giving way to a brewing resentment, and the possibility of your daughter picking up on your own tension.

Family & Parenting
life

They Ask for Advice, but Never Take It

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 27th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter and her husband just bought a fixer-upper about an hour from where my wife and I live. My son-in-law is pretty handy, but not nearly as experienced with home repairs as his father and I am. We have both basically rebuilt the homes we currently live in, so we know a thing or two about how best to get things done.

Nearly every week, the kids ask either me or the other dad about the best way to go about a repair or renovation. Most of what they’re tackling isn’t all that hard to do, but it seems like whatever we tell them — and the other dad and I usually agree on how to do a thing — the kids go ahead and do whatever they want anyway.

It makes me think my daughter and son-in-law are just trying to make the “old guys” feel good, but it doesn’t feel good to be ignored.

So do we just stop giving advice, or keep going on with what seems like it’s becoming a game? --- DOESN’T MATTER IF DAD KNOWS BEST

DEAR DOESN’T MATTER IF DAD KNOWS BEST: Maybe your daughter and son-in-law are just products of the times. You and your son-in-law’s dad have become two more resources which they can consult, then continue to collect lots of other opinions and data on-line and elsewhere, and go from there.

I don’t think either of you should take it personally. At least your daughter and son-in-law are consulting you, and that helps keep you all connected.

Family & Parenting
life

LW Tired of Sister's Ditching Others in Favor of Her Latest Love Interest

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | April 23rd, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My older sister has dated a few really nice guys, but even if they’re cruds, she gives up all her interests and a lot of her own social life for whoever she’s with.

Sometimes that can be hurtful to the rest of the people in her life. I know my dad was hurt by her not helping him out during his post-surgical rehab because she was so busy helping her then-boyfriend launch his new business.

She did the same kind of thing to our mother, who had a really hard time when our grandmother passed, and our mother kept reaching out to my sister to just come and keep her company. At that time, my sister was living with a guy who was big into sports, and they spent most weekends chasing his favorite teams during a really dark winter for our mom.

She’s stood me and her friends up, dropped her own interests to become obsessed with whatever the guy of the hour is into, and just in general becomes invisible with each relationship.

I love my sister, and hate seeing how she is when things end with a guy, but I also want her to understand there are more people in the world counting on her and caring about her than just the guy she’s with at the time.

How do I do that? --- SISTER OF THE INVISIBLE GIRLFRIEND

DEAR SISTER OF THE INVISIBLE GIRLFRIEND: While I see it as healthy in a relationship for both parties to take some interest in each other’s pursuits, I agree with you that when one of the parties completely loses themselves, it’s ultimately not good for the relationship, the people in it, or those close to the couple.

It might help if the people who count on her and keep getting let down go beyond asking for her help. She needs to directly and clearly hear how much her not being there for them hurts. If it comes from both family members and her closest friends, and if she hears it enough, maybe she’ll start stepping in and showing up when she’s needed.

Otherwise, in her love-blinded state, she’ll most likely continue to take it for granted that all’s well with the world outside her happy little bubble.

Family & ParentingLove & Dating

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Should I Even TRY To Date While I’m In Grad School?
  • How Do I Navigate Dating With Social Anxiety?
  • I’m Asexual. Why Do I Want A Relationship?
  • Slurp to Your Health With This Nutrient-Rich Soup
  • Grilling to a 'T'
  • Never Too Many Tomatoes
  • The Older I Get, the More Invisible I Feel. Help!
  • My Grief Is Clouding My Thinking. Help!
  • Summer was a Bust. How Do I Face Fall?
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal