life

Another Missed Holiday Makes Distance Harder for New Grandfather

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 30th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am not asking for advice, just a way to vent a little.

For the second Easter in a row, I will not get to see my new grandbaby, and it ain’t easy. I raised my daughter as a single father, and now I have a grandson who was born in early March of last year, just as the world shut down. My daughter and son-in-law are terrific about video conferencing and sending loads of photos and videos, but it is far from the same thing as holding my first grandchild, which I have yet to be able to do.

I don’t know anyone who has had much of a good time since the pandemic started, and I, for one, cannot wait to have it over so holidays and life in general can once again be celebrated in person, and I can finally meet AND hold my grandson, hopefully before he graduates high school! I hate missing out on so much in these early days of his life. --- MISSING SO MUCH

DEAR MISSING SO MUCH: I fully understand your need to vent a little, and have been known to do so myself more than once to anyone who’ll listen. Also, like you, I look forward to a return to a more normal world and a chance to get caught up with loved ones and friends — in the flesh!

Until those better days come, be safe, and stay as “close” as you can to those you love.

COVID-19Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Apartment Living Nightmares Push Renter to Limit

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 26th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last year my neighbors were sometimes having sex loud enough to be heard in my apartment. It was an on and off thing, and I figured I could play a TV or lullaby music loud enough to drown out the sound so my child and I could rest. At that time I called the office and sent an email because even with the music I played we couldn’t get any rest.

The office never responded, and now the loud sex has become an every night thing. I don’t want us to have to wear earplugs to get some rest when I pay a lot of money for rent. I shouldn’t have to sleep on my couch to avoid the noises. I think they know we can hear them and do it on purpose. I’ve started having nightmares of rape I never have before.

I called the apartment’s courtesy officer, who is also a local policeman, to tell him what’s been going on. He didn’t want to be involved and told me to call the police, so I did. The officer said if the neighbors don’t answer the door, he can’t even give them a warning. He told me it’s a civil situation, so I should tell the management office.

I feel violated. Neither the management office, nor the courtesy officer seem to care. The officer left it at telling me he was certain the loud neighbors were told we could hear them.

There have been other problems in the past with these neighbors, who right after they moved in told the office that my dishwasher, which I never use, was leaking into their apartment.

Because of these situations, and other times when the management has been less than helpful, I am frustrated living here. But due to having no car or job, I ended up renewing my lease. It makes me more frustrated when I am already displeased with where I live and not getting the amenities that I pay for, and then can’t get any rest at the end of the day.

I do not know these neighbors and have never spoken to them before, and don’t feel comfortable asking them to quiet down their sex life. It has really pissed me off because I have been told they know about the problem and continue to do it. I had wanted to go and speak to them myself, but I thought in this day and age I wouldn’t because I don’t need them lying and saying I’m harassing them. And I also feel because I have asked previously to end my lease, that the management office isn’t taking me seriously and also doesn’t care.

Am I asking too much to get some of the services I thought I was paying for? --- I WANT TO MOVE, BUT CAN’T

DEAR WANT TO MOVE, BUT CAN’T: So long as you’re paying your rent on time and abiding by all the terms of your lease, I think you’re right to expect some help from the management office when you need it.

I also agree that directly approaching the noisy neighbors yourself might not be the wisest thing to do, especially since you’ve been told by the courtesy officer that they were already informed about your complaint.

Since you’re not getting any satisfaction from the on-site management, it might help if you reach out to your local or state government to see if they have tenant rights or other mediation services available to review and resolve issues like yours.

Depending on where you live, another potential resource is the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) at www.hud.gov/topics/rental_assistance/tenantrights. This site has state-by-state links that take you to some of the different agencies set-up to assist renters facing a variety of difficulties.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Mother Can't Stop On-Line Shopping

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 25th, 2021

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom has always been a big shopper. She would go to the mall, buy a few things, then bring them home and decide what she would keep. Usually most of the purchases would be returned, because honestly, I think it was more of a hobby than anything else, especially when my dad is not around. He has always traveled a lot for his work, and even now he still has to be away about a quarter of the time. But what used to keep her busy for a day or two while Dad was away, has become something she does even when he is home.

Now, in addition to her spending so much time making purchases, returning unwanted things is a different process than bringing them back to the store. Fortunately, she doesn’t spend too much money on the shopping sprees, but it is worrying me that she is accumulating a lot of stuff she does not really need or want.

Do you think she is becoming a shopaholic? --- DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE SHOPAHOLIC

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE shopaholic: It could be your mom is just using what’s traditionally been a hobby to help keep herself feeling mentally better during these stressful times.

Perhaps you could suggest to her that if she doesn’t want to either keep or go through the bother of returning some of the merchandise, and if she isn’t losing more money than she can afford through her over-buying, she could consider donating it to a local charity that takes the types of goods she’s accumulating. There are a lot of people in need who would make good use of the donations.

If you continue to be concerned that your mother’s hobby is becoming a bad habit, or worse, there are reputable resources, many of them online, to determine if someone is addicted to shopping, and how to help them help themselves if they are.

Family & ParentingAddiction

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