DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son has been dating a young woman he met at his last job for quite awhile now, well sometimes. They have gotten together, broken up, gotten back together, broken up, and so on, more times than I can count. As a matter of fact, I am not certain I can even call it breaking up, since I am not sure they are a bona fide couple.

Whatever the case, when they’re “together,” she is practically a part of the family, and we happily welcome her. Next thing we know, she is out of the picture, and someone else is stopping by with our son.

I have no desire to pry, but I can see that my wife gets excited at the thought that our son has someone he might be serious about. Then she is disappointed when there is someone different in the picture.

I know my wife is dying to ask our son what the story is with the woman we all like, but I keep telling her to stay out of it. Do you think I am right, or is my wife? --- WHAT, IF ANYTHING, TO DO?

DEAR WHAT, IF ANYTHING, TO DO?: While I fully empathize with your wife’s desire to know what’s happening in your son’s life, I have to side with your non-interference policy.

If your son chooses to let you know about his personal life, that’s one thing. But if he hasn’t volunteered information up to this point, you’re probably better-off letting this sometimes sleeping dog lie.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend and I lived together for over three years. When we moved in, we each had a cat, and during our time together, we first fostered and then adopted two more cats.

Now that we’ve split, we continue to fight over who gets the cats. We each kept our original cat, but now the two adopted ones are being fought over.

I think since they are siblings they should be kept together. He thinks we should each get one, which I think would be cruel.

I am willing to take both the brother and sister to keep them together, which seems to me to say I am more committed to their happiness than he is.

Don’t you think that’s the right thing to do? --- ANXIOUS CAT PAPA

DEAR ANXIOUS CAT PAPA: I agree with you that keeping the siblings together is a good idea if they’re clearly a team. Perhaps you and your ex could work out a joint custody arrangement, where you each get to have the adopted set live with you for a set period of time.

To get a better idea if such a custody share is in the best interest of the cats, if it’s even on the table, I strongly recommend your consulting with your veterinarian to get some professional feedback on what might be best for the two adopted siblings, especially since if they were fostered, they may have already been through multiple upheavals.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Please help. I’m asking advice about whether to interfere with the way my grandchildren, ages 9 and 7, are being parented. I’ve witnessed my daughter-in-law (DIL) undermine my son many times. He says no to something, and she gives it to them anyway. I say nothing.

My 9-year-old granddaughter has some behavioral issues, and they often complain about it. I found out recently that they took away a gift I gave her for Christmas (as a punishment) and planned to donate it. The rationale from my DIL was that they wanted to take away something that was meaningful. I said nothing.

Most recently, I was there for a (safely distanced) birthday dinner for my DIL. She found some paint on an upholstered dining chair and went into an all-out rage at my granddaughter. It was an accident. All of their chairs are upholstered, and my granddaughter loves to paint. My granddaughter was crying hysterically, left, and went upstairs to her bedroom. My DIL then justified her behavior to my son and he said, “It’s okay babe. I understand.” I said nothing.

You can probably guess that I’ve seen my DIL lash out at him also. I say nothing.

My ex-husband was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. I don’t get involved with my son’s marriage or comment on how he is being treated, even though it’s hard to stay quiet. However, I’m having a difficult time with the most recent event. My son comforted his wife. No one comforted the 9-year-old. It’s messed up.

To be fair, my DIL did apologize to my granddaughter during dinner. It was a half-baked apology. One that started with, “I’m sorry, but…” I said nothing.

My son and the grandkids are being verbally and emotionally abused, as I see it. What advice do you have? --- CONCERNED GRANDMA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMA: Parenting a child with behavioral issues can be a challenge for the calmest of parents. If your daughter-in-law tends to be high-strung and demanding, it sets the stage for an even more difficult time, and may be contributing to the behavior.

My hope is that what you see is only part of the childrearing conversations between your son and his wife. In any case, it’s unfortunate when one parent contradicts the other in front of the children. Inconsistency can be a dangerous thing, especially if a child is already struggling emotionally or developmentally. This may be what the children have come to expect, and your stepping in to offer criticism or advice stands a good chance of backfiring in any number of directions.

You didn’t mention if your abusive ex-husband is also your son’s father. If so, your son should have a good sense of the effects of that type of personality on a whole family. He may be thinking that keeping the peace with his wife is one way to avoid further tensions in front of the kids. They’re old enough, though, to be aware of who’s calling the shots, and that may be why they try to go around Mom through Dad.

As painful as it may be for you to witness, I believe you’re right to continue your non-interference policy with your son’s and daughter-in-law’s marriage and parenting style. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t discretely remind your son of how difficult it can be to live with someone with a dangerously short fuse, since you’ve been there, done that.

Once the world’s more open again, and if it’s something you’re able to do, what might help is frequently offering to take the children out of their house. Time away from a tense home could be a big help for all involved — especially if the kids know there’s a safe haven available to them, run by a supportive, loving adult.