life

Effects of Abandoned Thanksgiving Traditions Worry Long-term Care Worker

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 19th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I work at a long-term care facility in a state that currently allows window and outdoor visits only. My center stated weeks ago that there will be no big Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends this year, and the administration has told families that if they take their loved ones home for the day, they may be subject to a two-week in-room quarantine when they return.

I get the need to take precautions, but I find it only gets harder to explain to our residents why they can’t be with their loved ones the way they always could be before. Most of the people in our facility are in their 80s and 90s, and I see how hard it is on them to be living even more separated from the outside world and the people they love. Many of them have obviously declined more than they probably would have if things were more normal.

I already volunteered to work on Thanksgiving Day. I know how hard it’s going to be for a lot of people and I just wanted to ask you to let people know that as hard as it is for those on the outside who don’t get to see their loved ones in person, it’s even harder on the people who live in nursing homes and assisted living apartment buildings.

Please urge people to remember those who are not able to be with those they love, especially during this difficult year’s holidays. --- PLEASE DON’T FORGET

DEAR PLEASE DON’T FORGET: As a family member of someone in an assisted living community, I appreciate your efforts to remind us all about how the pandemic particularly affects an already vulnerable part of our population and the people who love them.

Thank you and all those who care for and about patients and residents in healthcare centers everywhere.

Stay safe and well.

AgingHolidays & CelebrationsCOVID-19
life

Policeman's Child Faces Harassment

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 17th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My dad has been a cop since before I was born. He even met my mom while responding to a robbery. He is well-liked and respected on the force and in the community where he serves. He is truly one of the best guys I know.

It just kills me that he and all the other good cops are getting lumped in with the bad ones, and my dad is the first to admit there are some bad cops out there. Over the years, he has gotten kind of used to being put down because of his profession.

What’s happening now is I am getting heat from friends on-line (never to my face), about how can I stand being a cop’s daughter. And many of these comments come from people who know my dad. Some have even either been helped by him or had family members helped by him. The saddest thing of all may be that whenever I say anything in support of my dad, not just cops in general, I get attacked. It hurts, and I am ready to drop off social media altogether.

I don’t want to get into arguments with people over this, but their blindness gets me. Should I fight back? --- A COP’S DAUGHTER

DEAR A COP’S DAUGHTER: My guess is that your fighting back will do little or nothing to change the opinions of people who have already made up their minds. This is an issue that’s held an intensely high-profile and often one-sided place in the media for decades.

It may be a losing battle, but if you want to stand up for your dad, you could try reminding your friends — especially the ones who personally know him — that, like your father, there are still plenty of other good, decent men and women doing a largely thankless job, which happens to also be an increasingly dangerous one.

While it might not convert anyone, it could at least give you some relief and maybe, just maybe, make the generalizers think twice before they post again; and if the negativity stays at a high level, you could certainly do worse than taking yourself out of the social media loop for a bit.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Mom's Secretive Ways Concern Daughter

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 13th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother used to get really frustrated by the way her mom kept all her business to herself. When Gran died, it was a mess to get things straightened out, and Mom ended up having to hire an estate lawyer to get everything figured out.

My mother is becoming just like Gran. She and my dad divorced when I was still a baby, so everything that Mom has built for herself has nothing to do with him.

My mom is now retired, and her health is not too good. She isn’t in any immediate danger, but that could change quickly. My brother and I have tried to get her to let us know at least where she keeps her important documents, but she doesn’t trust even us.

We aren’t looking to take anything from her, just to be sure we understand both all her wishes and what would need to be done if she’s no longer able to manage her personal affairs.

What can we do to convince her we’re not trying to get away with anything, just to make life easier for everyone, and actually be able to help her out if the time comes when she needs us to do that? --- DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE: I agree it’s important for you and your brother to have at least a sense of your mom’s wishes and financial affairs.

Perhaps you could work towards having her meet with the lawyer she hired for her mom’s estate. At least, you would know who is advising her on her business and personal financial holdings. That knowledge alone could be valuable in the future.

DeathFamily & Parenting

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