life

Still-Stressed LW Not Ready to Move Back Out of Dad's House

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 2nd, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Although I had to finish my final semester on-line after moving back to my dad’s house, and the job I had lined up fell through, I was not doing too badly despite the pandemic. I was able to get a job at a small shop in the downtown area not far from my dad’s home after our state reopened. It only shut down for a few extra days because the owners were concerned about protests, which fortunately stayed peaceful.

Now that things are getting closer to normal, my dad is beginning to pressure me to start looking for someplace else to live, but honestly, I don’t feel like everything is back to normal enough to guarantee the shop won’t close again and everything will be how it was this spring. I don’t make that much that I could afford to pay rent and put away some money in case I find myself out of a job, especially since I was lucky to get the one I did.

What can I say to convince my dad I need a little more time before moving out, which I do want to do, but not right now? --- STILL NERVOUS

DEAR STILL NERVOUS: You’ve got plenty of company in your concerns about the immediate future. We’ve gone through a lot since the beginning of the year, and as much as many things are slowly finding a new normal, there’s still an understandable general sense of trepidation.

Talk to your dad about your feelings, if you haven’t already. Now that you’re making money, perhaps you could offer to either pay some rent or at least pitch in on helping with regular expenses. But be aware that your moving forward is in everyone’s best interest, and may have already happened by now if not for this being such an extraordinary time.

Family & Parenting
life

News of Ex's Engagement Is Hard to Take

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | June 30th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was with my ex-boyfriend for over three years. We broke up because I wanted to take things to the next level, but he kept telling me he was not ready. Fast forward to last week, when I ran into his best friend, who was a little too happy to break the news to me that my ex is engaged to a woman he has been with for less than six months.

I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it hurts to know that after all the time we were together, he did not really want me for keeps. All I get from my father and stepmother is the “plenty of other fish in the sea” line, which doesn’t exactly make me feel better.

I want to call my ex and tell him what I think, but I keep finding excuses to let him off the hook. Do I make that call? --- NOT THE ONE HE WANTED

DEAR NOT THE ONE HE WANTED: What would you hope to gain by confronting your ex now? It won’t change the situation, and at best would only give you a little temporary relief.

Hard as it may be to take, this wasn’t the guy for you, and he knew it. He’s moved on, and the only way you’ll do the same is to accept that reality and be relieved that your heartache isn’t nearly what it would’ve been had you gotten engaged or married before one of you figured out there was no future for you as a couple.

Love & Dating
life

Reconnection May Need Short-Circuit

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | June 26th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: At a Christmas party last year, I reconnected with an old friend from middle and high school. We used to be so tight back then, but we lost touch a year or two into college. She and her new husband moved back to town last fall, and she is trying to reestablish herself here.

It’s not that she is a bad person, but she still does some things I now consider pretty juvenile, even though I went along with them when I was a teenager. She was never a queen bee, or anything like that, but she used to make fun of people and comment about them behind their backs. I now understand she was expressing her own insecurities, which was OK at the time, but now when she still does it, it seems strange, sad, and mean-spirited.

I don’t mind spending a little time with my old friend, but I don’t see us getting close like we used to be. Since that seems to be her goal, wouldn’t it just be kinder in the long run if I broke off the friendship now? Otherwise it feels to me like I’d just be stringing her along. --- CONFUSED OLD FRIEND

DEAR CONFUSED OLD FRIEND: Growing apart is often a big part of growing up. Perhaps your old friend’s reliance on you will lighten once she gets more resettled into the community. For now, it’s probably easier for her to reach out to previously established connections until she meets new people and makes friends through work or other interests.

In the meantime, so long as you’re willing to spend a little time with her now and then, I don’t see anything wrong with your lending her your support. Pick and choose your get-togethers so that you have a strong say in how often and under what circumstances you meet. She may take your cues and keep the relationship on the more casual side.

Friends & Neighbors

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