DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Mom passed away last summer, and Dad asked me to help go through things so he can get the house ready to be put on the market. When I was helping him, I came across some old photos of my mom and another man posing together in wedding clothes.

I asked my dad about the pictures I found, but he said he did not want to talk about it. That it was my mother’s private story, and that I should not poke my nose into it.

I think that my mother’s being married to someone before my dad is a pretty big deal. I cannot believe I never knew about this, and when I spoke to my aunt, my mom’s sister, I got the same reaction as I did from my dad.

Do I let this story die with my mom? It hurts that my parents never trusted me with this information. What if I have a whole other family somewhere that I will never know about? --- DAUGHTER OF A SECRET KEEPER

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A SECRET KEEPER: It would probably be fairly easy to track down the records of a previous marriage, but it still may not provide all the answers you seek.

I get your curiosity and your hurt, but I also think you need to accept that, for whatever reason, this was part of her past your mother purposely chose not to share with you.

We all have our secrets, some of which we keep even from those we love best. It doesn’t mean your mother loved you and the life she built with your father any less than you always had reason to believe she did before your recent discovery.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have not had an easy life. Then, in 2017, I met my boyfriend, who was going through a divorce from his wife of 20 years, who was cheating on him. Nineteen months later my daughter and I moved in with him and his four children, ages 8-16, and I started running two completely different and demanding households. I continued to do everything I had been doing for my terminally ill dad, my brother with mental illness, my 80-year-old grandmother, and my drug-using uncle and his girlfriend. Now I was also caring for my boyfriend’s kids, along with my daughter. All of this work, and I was getting a check for a whopping $400 a month. But I felt okay about this because it covers just about exactly my nearly five-year-old daughter’s and my share of expenses.

On top of all this, I have been dealing with my boyfriend’s ex-wife, who has made my life even more stressful by making it clear she thinks I am a free-loader, and she has her kids thinking that way too.

This woman knows nothing bad about me other than that I’m not working 9-5, and that I come from a family riddled with troubles and despair, who I can’t turn my back on. She sees me as “the other woman,” even though I was not with my boyfriend until the divorce was nearly final.

After an encounter with her that ended with her telling me in public, in front of my brother and her youngest son, what a piece of garbage I am, I got home, and their boys screamed at me. I still can’t believe it. They said I had better watch my every move because she’ll be around, and that what I’ve got coming to me is on me.

Well, my dad died in December. And then the pandemic. I want to be happy. I love my boyfriend and his kids so much, even after all they’ve said to me. I know that’s not them. It’s HER.

My daughter loves them so much and they love her in return. I just wish their mother didn’t make it so hard. Nothing seems to work, and I don’t want to push them farther away. I want everyone to know they are loved. I sort of want to be loved too, or at the very least, not to feel hated, especially not for being something that I am not, lazy and a freeloader.

If this is how much work it takes to be a freeloader, I’m thinking I made a bad career move. What should I do? --- TRYING MY BEST

DEAR TRYING MY BEST: It’s because you care so deeply that what’s been happening is particularly hard on you. It’s always a sad thing when divorced parents use their kids as weapons, and that seems to be the case here.

You didn’t mention your boyfriend’s place in this acrimonious situation. If he isn’t supportive of you both with his kids and his ex, I’m not sure this is a battle you can win. Once perceptions are formed, it isn’t always possible to reverse them. In this case, your best tactic may be the one you’ve already been practicing — love the kids and offer them the same care and kindness you show your own daughter, and avoid speaking ill of their mother, no matter how tempting it is. Casually share some of your past challenges with at least the older children. Perhaps in time, they’ll mature enough to understand there are always more than two sides to every story, and that you are a loving person trying your best to do what you can for those about whom you care, which is one of the most important and often underrated jobs around.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother dated this slightly younger guy for a few months. He was the one who broke it off, and right after that, he started Instagramming me a few times a day. I blocked him there, on my phone, then on Facebook and Twitter, but he keeps trying to get in touch with me anyway, now by sending me notes in the mail, which I toss out without opening.

This guy knows I have a boyfriend, but that doesn’t seem to make any difference to him. So far, he hasn’t tried showing up anywhere in person, but I figure that’s the next step.

Honestly, I don’t feel threatened by him, but I still haven’t told my mother about all this yet. I don’t want her to feel responsible in any way and I don’t want the possibility that he stopped seeing her so he could try for me to hurt her. He did that enough when he dumped her.

Am I wrong to keep this from her? --- TRYING TO SHAKE-OFF MOM’S EX

DEAR TRYING TO SHAKE-OFF MOM’S EX: You may not feel threatened by this guy, but I find it disturbing that he’s stalking you. Hopefully, you’ve clued your boyfriend and other friends into what’s happening.

I get that you don’t want to upset your mother, but I think that since this could become a safety issue, she should know what her ex has been up to. His ending the relationship may seem like a double-blessing when she finds out about his creeper factor.