DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I enjoy going out with “Sara”. She’s one of my oldest friends and we get together a couple times a month. I always suggest a place to meet and eat, or a movie to go to, or a party I’ve heard about, but she always tells me she’d rather do something else she already had planned.

In some ways I don’t mind, but once in a while it would be nice to do something I suggest. Is that being selfish? --- NEVER GET TO PICK

DEAR NEVER GET TO PICK: Wanting to have your turn in planning activities with a friend isn’t selfish. It sounds like “Sara” may be someone who prefers to be in control; but compromise is key to a successful relationship.

You need to be more assertive and make what you said above clear to her. When your next get-together rolls around, tell her you’ve already made reservations, and that she gets to pick next time.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My granddaughter is expecting her first baby, and she just invited my husband and me to a “gender reveal” party. I’d never heard of this before and didn’t know if this is the new baby shower, or if there will be another event.

I don’t want to seem cheap, but we live on a kind of tight budget and I don’t know if I’ll be expected to give a gift for two parties or just one. I don’t want to embarrass my granddaughter or myself by asking. Would it be tacky if I did just so I know if I need to do one big or two smaller gifts? --- BAFFLED GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR BAFFLED GRANDMA-TO-BE: I only became aware of the gender reveal party trend within the last year, so don’t feel bad about being out of the loop.

Since you want to be able to budget for gifts for your grandbaby but feel awkward asking about a shower, I’d say go modest for the gender reveal party. Then, if there isn’t a shower, give the gift you would have given when the baby arrives.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Two years ago my husband and I bought a townhouse in an older development. We’re used to neighbors working on their homes inside and out, since some of the homes are getting to a point where they could really use it.

Last year a guy and his dad moved in next door and they almost immediately started work on the place. The dad got sick and work stopped. The dad got better, and work stayed stopped. Instead of finishing the projects they started, all the destruction/construction stuff has just been sitting, all piled up in their backyard. It’s like living next to a junkyard, and lately it’s started attracting animals, and my husband is pretty sure he saw a rat running around their side of the fence when he looked out our bedroom window.

I get that there was a reason to stop the work while the dad got better, but he seems to be moving around just fine now and the mess is still sitting there.

We don’t want to blow the whistle on the guys, but I don’t want my four-year-old son playing in the backyard with rats running around in it. Do we do it for the sake of our family and the whole neighborhood? --- LIVING NEXT TO A MESS

DEAR LIVING NEXT TO A MESS: You don’t mention if you’ve approached your neighbors directly to let them know about your concerns. If you have, and they haven’t been responsive, then since you believe their debris and clutter is creating a potential health hazard, you have every right to report them to your homeowners association, the local board of health, or whatever authority serves your neighborhood and has the ability to enforce code violations.