DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom is super into her church. Whenever I’m at home on a Sunday she insists I go with her to the service. The church’s whole message is one I can’t get into anymore and I feel like I have better things to do on a Sunday morning, especially since I don’t get home all that often.

What can I do to not get into a big battle with my mom every time I want to take a pass on service? --- NOT A CHURCHGOER

DEAR NOT: It’s an absolutely natural part of growing up to question the faith of our fathers – and mothers. But remember it is their faith, and they’re as entitled to it as you are to make your own spiritual way – or not.

My guess is your mother wants you to get some of the same positive experiences she’s had as a member of faith community. And, since you say you don’t get home a lot, having you with her at church may be one way Mom can spend more of these precious visits with you, without foregoing her regular Sunday routine.

To avoid further conflict, before you even arrive on your next visit home, give your mother the heads-up what your plans are for Sunday morning. Let her know you appreciate her wanting to share this aspect of her life with you, but that you’ve moved in another direction, and while you’re willing to go to church with her on occasion, she shouldn’t expect it to happen each time you’re in town.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I graduated high school two years ago. Unlike my older brother and sister, I didn’t want to go to college, which didn’t make my parents too happy. We worked out a deal that I’d try community college for a year and if it didn’t get me hooked on more school, I could follow my own path and go into the army.

Well I pretty much bombed my boring gen ed classes that seemed like a repeat of the boring classes I hated in high school. My parents think I failed on purpose, but I just couldn’t make it work.

I’ve been working with my local army recruiting office and have decided to enlist as a mechanic. I’ve played around with cars for as long as I can remember, and in high school I took as many shop classes as I could. I always did much better in them than I did my regular classes.

Right now my mom and dad are steamed that I’m going into the service. They think I’m just doing it because I don’t know what else to do. But after two years of part time dead end jobs, I see it as a real path that I’m taking on purpose. How do I convince them this is what’s right for me? --- ARMY READY

DEAR ARMY READY: I applaud your ambition to go into the service, but I also get your parents’ reservations. Remember they too will serve so long as you do. It’s a family commitment.

It may help make your case if you include them in the recruiting process. Introduce your parents to your recruiter so they can ask questions and voice concerns. Beyond being first and foremost salesmen/women for the service branch they represent, recruiters are also good sources of information.

Stress to your mom and dad that once you graduate boot camp you’ll begin job-specific training, the kind you’d either have to pay for or gain on-the-job in the outside world, only Uncle Sam will be picking up your tab.

Remind them that if you go career, when you retire you’ll have a pension, lifetime healthcare coverage, GI benefits, and a boatload of experience, all of which put you in a pretty good place from which to launch a second career.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend and I decided to get married a couple weeks ago. As soon as I told my parents, they got all excited about planning a big wedding that I know they can’t easily afford and neither my fiancé nor I want.

Honestly, at this point I just want to elope and get on with my life. It’s my day, why shouldn’t I have it the way I want it to be? --- READY TO TIE THE KNOT

DEAR READY: Congratulations on your engagement.

Not every little girl grows up dreaming of the white dress with all the trimmings, but for many parents, a nice wedding is one of the rites of passage they want to give their daughters.

There’s no doubt eloping is a practical practice, but it can also be a selfish one. Think how you’d feel finding out on Sunday morning that one of your best friends had a big party Friday night and didn’t invite you. Now, imagine how hard it would be on your folks if you got married and they knew they were purposely excluded, by their own child, from one of the most momentous events of your life. And frankly, if you and your fiancé don’t see getting married as a big deal, you may not be ready to take the plunge.

Okay, enough of the mother guilt.

In your defense and being frugal like you – and the mother of two daughters – I truly get you not wanting the bank-emptying extravaganza you fear your parents plan to throw. But there’s such an infinite variety of ways to get hitched that you should be able to find some middle ground.

If big hoopla isn’t your thing, do your justice of the peace service, but let the immediate families and closest friends be in the courtroom. Then, if nothing else, go out for a celebratory bite to eat.

One step up would be to rent a space somewhere local (think church hall, community center, or splurge on a private room at a restaurant), bring in a licensed wedding officiant or member of the clergy to perform a brief, personalized ceremony on-site, and then enjoy a nice, casual meal (catered or potluck) to mark the start of one of adulthood’s greatest adventures.

Indulge your parents just a little, and you might be amazed how much richer the day is when it’s shared with even a select few of the special people who have helped get you to this point in your life.