DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I graduated high school two years ago. Unlike my older brother and sister, I didn’t want to go to college, which didn’t make my parents too happy. We worked out a deal that I’d try community college for a year and if it didn’t get me hooked on more school, I could follow my own path and go into the army.

Well I pretty much bombed my boring gen ed classes that seemed like a repeat of the boring classes I hated in high school. My parents think I failed on purpose, but I just couldn’t make it work.

I’ve been working with my local army recruiting office and have decided to enlist as a mechanic. I’ve played around with cars for as long as I can remember, and in high school I took as many shop classes as I could. I always did much better in them than I did my regular classes.

Right now my mom and dad are steamed that I’m going into the service. They think I’m just doing it because I don’t know what else to do. But after two years of part time dead end jobs, I see it as a real path that I’m taking on purpose. How do I convince them this is what’s right for me? --- ARMY READY

DEAR ARMY READY: I applaud your ambition to go into the service, but I also get your parents’ reservations. Remember they too will serve so long as you do. It’s a family commitment.

It may help make your case if you include them in the recruiting process. Introduce your parents to your recruiter so they can ask questions and voice concerns. Beyond being first and foremost salesmen/women for the service branch they represent, recruiters are also good sources of information.

Stress to your mom and dad that once you graduate boot camp you’ll begin job-specific training, the kind you’d either have to pay for or gain on-the-job in the outside world, only Uncle Sam will be picking up your tab.

Remind them that if you go career, when you retire you’ll have a pension, lifetime healthcare coverage, GI benefits, and a boatload of experience, all of which put you in a pretty good place from which to launch a second career.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend and I decided to get married a couple weeks ago. As soon as I told my parents, they got all excited about planning a big wedding that I know they can’t easily afford and neither my fiancé nor I want.

Honestly, at this point I just want to elope and get on with my life. It’s my day, why shouldn’t I have it the way I want it to be? --- READY TO TIE THE KNOT

DEAR READY: Congratulations on your engagement.

Not every little girl grows up dreaming of the white dress with all the trimmings, but for many parents, a nice wedding is one of the rites of passage they want to give their daughters.

There’s no doubt eloping is a practical practice, but it can also be a selfish one. Think how you’d feel finding out on Sunday morning that one of your best friends had a big party Friday night and didn’t invite you. Now, imagine how hard it would be on your folks if you got married and they knew they were purposely excluded, by their own child, from one of the most momentous events of your life. And frankly, if you and your fiancé don’t see getting married as a big deal, you may not be ready to take the plunge.

Okay, enough of the mother guilt.

In your defense and being frugal like you – and the mother of two daughters – I truly get you not wanting the bank-emptying extravaganza you fear your parents plan to throw. But there’s such an infinite variety of ways to get hitched that you should be able to find some middle ground.

If big hoopla isn’t your thing, do your justice of the peace service, but let the immediate families and closest friends be in the courtroom. Then, if nothing else, go out for a celebratory bite to eat.

One step up would be to rent a space somewhere local (think church hall, community center, or splurge on a private room at a restaurant), bring in a licensed wedding officiant or member of the clergy to perform a brief, personalized ceremony on-site, and then enjoy a nice, casual meal (catered or potluck) to mark the start of one of adulthood’s greatest adventures.

Indulge your parents just a little, and you might be amazed how much richer the day is when it’s shared with even a select few of the special people who have helped get you to this point in your life.

I work full time and make okay money. I pay my rent and other bills every month, don’t go out a lot, and haven’t gone anywhere on vacation the two years I’ve been at my job. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong because I barely make it from paycheck to paycheck. --- WHERE’S MY MONEY?

DEAR WHERE’S: Although you may not think so, budgeting can be a deceptively simple skill. But it takes practice and discipline.

Some banks offer on-line tools to analyze your debit card spending. If your bank has this service, check it out. You might be surprised where your money’s going.

Now if you’re really brave, you could tuck your plastic deep into your wallet and give the Great Cash Experiment a try.

Figure roughly what you spend in a week on small-scale necessities like transportation, gas, food – the kinds of things you currently debit or charge. That becomes your weekly cash allowance. Withdraw only that much from the bank and use it for all your incidental weekly expenses.

There’s no better way to get an accurate idea of where you’re spending money than when you have to actually fork over some cash for your purchases.

There will be times – and plenty of them – when you’ll need to go to the card; but if you stick to the plan for a few months, not only should you have a clearer feel for your particular cost of living, but you might end up with a little extra jingle to put into savings or be used for a self-rewarding micro-splurge.