DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I hope you’re doing well. I’m a seventeen-year-old guy, and I’ve finally reached a milestone that I’ve been chasing since middle school: I have a girlfriend.

For most of my adolescence, I was the stereotypical insecure, scrawny, short kid. I had acne, I was socially awkward, and I was constantly preoccupied with the idea of getting girls to like me. Puberty was rough — I felt invisible. But over the last couple of years, things changed. I shot up a few inches and got serious about improving my health. I hit the gym during that natural anabolic window right after I turned sixteen, started dressing better, and finally got my skin under control. As I saw my body transform, my confidence grew. I joined clubs, pushed myself to talk to strangers, and learned how to hold a conversation. Eventually, I met someone who agreed to be my girlfriend.

But here’s the thing: outside of the physical side of our relationship, I don’t feel as fulfilled as I thought I would. In fact, I feel kind of… confined. All my life, I imagined that once I got a girlfriend, everything would click into place — life would feel more meaningful, I’d stop worrying about whether I was desirable, and I’d finally get the validation I thought I was missing.

Instead, I’m second-guessing myself constantly. Am I feeling what I’m supposed to feel? Is this as exciting as it’s supposed to be? Sometimes I even catch myself missing the independence I had before — being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, without having to juggle through commitments that I made with another individual.

I’m confused because I spent so long thinking dreaming about the day I’ll have a girlfriend. Now that I’m here, I’m realizing it’s not that simple. I don’t know if I’m just not used to being in a relationship, or if this is a sign that romantic relationships aren’t as fun as they’re cracked up to be.

What am I supposed to do now that I have what I always thought I wanted… and it doesn’t feel how I expected?

Sincerely,

Finally There, But Unsure

DEAR FINALLY THERE, BUT UNSURE: As a general rule, FTBU, I want to point out that love doesn’t always feel like it’s all cartoon birds and spontaneous dance numbers because you’re so besotted with one another. Sometimes it’s quiet satisfaction and comfort, feeling someone click into place and realizing it feels like they had always been there and were always meant to be there. The butterflies and racing pulse and surges of adrenaline tend to be symptoms of limerence, not romantic love. Similarly, the “this person is perfect, even the way she chews her food is so freaking adorable and we can’t keep our hands off each other” feeling tends to be what’s known as New Relationship Energy – the cascade of oxytocin and dopamine that comes from being sexually intimate with a new partner. People confuse these concepts regularly, and often wonder what’s wrong with their relationship when either the excitement fades or their relationship doesn’t feel that way.

But that’s not really the issue here.

So now I’m going to ask you a question that’s going to sound like I’m dunking on you, but I promise, there’s a purpose behind it: do you actually like your girlfriend?

I ask this because what you’re experiencing is precisely why I tell people that they don’t want to find someone to fill a hole marked “girlfriend” in their lives; what they actually want is someone who compliments their life, someone who makes their life feel richer and more fulfilled and more enjoyable than being on their own. Not because their lives are empty without them, but because this was making things even better than before.

A lot of what you describe – that sense of finally having someone validate you, life would be more meaningful and so on – are precisely the things you shouldn’t be looking to other people for. Those are things you should be doing for yourself.

Some of this is for practical reasons; relying on other people for validation and fulfillment means that those things are impermanent and can be taken from you at any time. Friends and partners enter and leave our lives all the time, after all, for any number of reasons. We can never know whether this relationship – platonic or romantic or sexual – will end or why. We hope that they last for life, but there are no guarantees. If you rely on others for your validation or for your sense of meaning or purpose, then you’re constantly at risk for having those things go away without warning.

Similarly, those feelings will be incredibly fragile. Without a strong basis for your own sense of worth or fulfillment, you’ll always be at risk of having those feelings shattered. External validation is great, don’t get me wrong. But when you rely on it and it’s your only source of validation, you are never actually secure; someone else will make a comment – intentionally or not, directed or overheard, targeted or off-hand – and it’ll shatter everything, and it will take far more to put everything back together than you have.

And it will happen. It doesn’t matter who it is – Michael B. Jordan, Chris Evans, Timothy Chalamet, Sunghoon, Jungkook, whomever – someone wouldn’t f--k him with borrowed genitals and George Clooney and Christina Hendricks to do the pushing and they will be more than happy to say so at length and in great detail.

(Consider how many blogs, forum threads and gossip rags will scan for the tiniest and most absurd flaws in objectively gorgeous people and try to insist this makes them look like the Toxic Avenger.)

But the more important reason you need to provide these things for yourself is that external sources simply won’t actually fill that need. At best, relying on outside sources may mask the feeling of the gaping hole at the core of your being. You’ll be able to ignore it, at least for a little while, but it will always be there. But even then, they won’t do what’s needed: they won’t fill that hole. That hole will be effectively bottomless, and nothing you toss down it will be enough to close it down. If you don’t have things that fulfill you and give your life meaning when you’re single, if you don’t have your own sense of internal validation, nothing will satisfy that yearning void for very long.

This is why I tell people, over and over again, that validation needs to come from within before you start to look for validation to come from without. Having purpose and direction, having things that you do simply because they feed your soul and give you that sense of satisfaction make your life better. Having that sense of internal validation that isn’t reliant on the opinions is part of how build a sense of security and confidence. And all of these mean that when you do find a partner, you’re doing so because they build on what’s already there instead of providing the foundation you don’t have.

So, the first thing I would suggest is to take a look at your own life and ask how many of those things do you have already? If you don’t have fulfillment and validation without her, then part of what you need to do is develop those things so that they exist independently of your social life. Building that foundation for yourself will make everything else better and it’ll give you clarity into whether this is a relationship that actually meets your needs and one where you bring value to her life as she brings value to yours.

But the next thing I want you to do is seriously consider why you’re dating her. If you’re dating her for the wrong reasons – filling that empty hole marked “girlfriend” – then you’re going to be disappointed, especially when the novelty of having a girlfriend wears off. I’ve been there, done that and hurt a lot of people who didn’t deserve it because I didn’t know what the f--k I was doing at the time.

This is why I tell people to prioritize dating people that they actually like – people they want to spend time with, who they love to talk to and listen to, people they find fascinating and who open them up to new and interesting possibilities. Yeah, we all love having pretty people around us, but the novelty of someone’s hotness fades faster than you’ll ever realize. The same goes with the novelty of sexual intimacy; kissing someone or touching a boob or even having sex becomes less interesting and less desirable when you don’t have that personal and emotional connection to go with it. Doubly so if you’re with someone just because they said “yes” and not because you want them, specifically.

Trust me: I’ve had a lot of one-night stands and casual flings just for the sake of getting my rocks off, and I’ve had flings and hook-ups with people who I would want to hang out with even if sex was never on the table. The latter is so much better to the former that I’m not sure it’s possible to calculate the ratio. It’s lead to my golden rule of dating: don’t hook up with someone you wouldn’t be friends with or can’t have good conversations with, even if it’s just a one-off.

This brings me back to my initial question for you: do you actually like your girlfriend? Is she someone you would want in your life if you weren’t dating her? Is she someone awesome or is she just the one who said “yes”? Do you enjoy spending time with her when you’re not being physical? Do you want to find things to go do together because it would be even better than doing it by yourself? How many times do you think about things in your life that you’re eager to share with her because you think she’d love it? How many times do you get excited because she’s going to share some of her special interests and insights and history?

Give that some serious thought. If you find that the answer tends to be “not really” or “no” or “not very often”, then the issue isn’t that relationships aren’t as fulfilling as you expected. It’s that you’re with the wrong person and for the wrong reasons. If you can’t appreciate her for the amazing person she is and don’t want her in your life for being her, specifically, then this is a relationship that won’t actually make either of you happy.

Take some time and look inward while you ask yourself these questions. Once you have the answers, you’ll have a better idea of what to do next.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I have started reading your column recently and I have found your advice insightful. I wanted to ask you a question about a certain situation that I am facing.

A little over a year ago, I [26M] became friends with a woman [34F] that I met while travelling for work. I met her while I was on a tour exploring the city after I had finished my work function. At the time, I had a girlfriend so I was not looking for anything from her. I gave her my Whatsapp so we could share some photos we took, but afterwards I thought nothing of it.

My girlfriend at the time broke up with me for unrelated reasons about a month after I met this girl. Shortly afterwards, she reached out. We started talking more frequently. Mostly just sharing memes or talking about whatever. I also was going to be down in her city for business, so I agreed to meet her. Later on, after a bit of ambiguous flirting from her, I told her that I just wanted to be friends. She said, I had misunderstood, and that was just a cultural misunderstanding. I accepted that because I have had friends, I had this type of relationship with before, but I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t expecting anything else, because I didn’t want her to get hurt.

After that, she backed off on talking to me for a bit, and I understood. I was going to be in her city for work anyways, so about a week before, I reached out to make sure she still wanted to meet up. We did and we had a great time. From there, we talked almost every day afterwards. Our friendship was more flirtatious, but I just thought that was the nature of things. Later on, we agreed to go on vacation together, as friends.

During the first few days of the vacation, things got a little heavy, and I got carried away. We started getting quite affectionate and we both had a lot to drink. We were in the middle of hooking up, but then I had a brief moment of realization and stopped. I explained to her that I like her, but friends with benefits hadn’t worked out for me in the past, and I would prefer not to do that again. Understandably, she told me she was hurt that I rejected her, but then assured me she still wanted to be friends and that this was just a heat of the moment thing.

We are still friends and still talking. Things have scaled back, especially with the flirting, which is fine. I actually have plans to visit her for her birthday. But I am running into dilemmas about how I feel.

I think she is an incredible person. The issue I have is that I don’t want another long-distance relationship after my experience with that in a previous relationship. On top of that, there is no realistic path forward for us. She is an immigrant to a third country, and I live in the United States. Citizens from the country she is originally from are currently not allowed to enter the United States. She does not speak English, could not practice her profession in the United States without significant additional education, and she has a 5-year-old daughter that she has joint custody of in this third country.

I am not in a great position to move to the country she lives. I would have to quit my job, and it would be very hard for me to find employment down there, and I would get paid about a third of what I currently make. She has offered to let me live with her in the past, but that is not a position I want to be in. I also don’t really want to immigrate again after going through that process before. I have explained that this is the main obstacle, and she understands.

But I can tell she is still hurt about this. I want to keep her as a part of my life as a friend. But I feel like a piece of s--t because I can’t give her what she wants. She has agreed to be my friend, and she is one of the best people I know. She is always supportive, kind, and loving. Not just to me, but also to her friends, her daughter, and her family as well. I don’t feel like it would be fair to say she can’t be my friend anymore, because I feel she hasn’t done anything wrong. Sometimes though, I feel like I am bad for her. Also, I don’t think most women would agree to a relationship with me while even having a platonic friendship with her.

How would you recommend I proceed? I recognize I need boundaries, but where do I put those?

Signed,

Rock and a Hard Place

DEAR ROCK AND A HARD PLACE: Alright, there’re a few things to deal with in your situation, RAHP. Let’s start with the meat of your question first. Right off the bat: you’ve presented yourself with a series of limited options in pretty much every aspect of your relationship with your friend. For one, you have more options than “long-term, committed long distance relationship” and “nothing”. You two have chemistry, sure, and you get along famously, which is great. But – leaving aside the obstacles like immigration restrictions, her daughter or your lack of interest in moving to her country – you could let this be something a little more than friends with benefits but a little less than total commitment. A series of short-term flings – which is slightly reductive, but “we really like each other but we can’t make this work long term, so we pack a lot of living into the brief times we can see each other” is an unwieldy mouthful – is an option, after all. You would be treating this as being more serious and significant than just an FWB situation – a “we can’t be together so we steal what time we can, when we can” – that actually honors what you two would have while acknowledging that it can’t last for reasons beyond your control.

Hell, a lot of people might find that unspeakably romantic. Poems, ballads and incredibly soppy movies have been written about less.

Similarly, you don’t have to cut her off as a friend. I’m not sure where you got the idea that women wouldn’t want a relationship with you if you and she were still platonic friends, but that’s an obstacle of your own making. Having female friends – even ones you have a close friendship with, even ones who you kinda-sorta hooked up with and talked about dating before mutually agreeing that it just wouldn’t work – isn’t going to be a deal breaker for people who are vaguely reasonable adults. Anyone who’s going to be that threatened by someone who isn’t even in the same country as you, never mind the same area code, is someone who’s going to invent new forms of drama under the best of circumstances.

Unless, of course, you don’t actually clean up your act. You’re right: you do need some boundaries if you’re going to make this friendship work. But the boundaries you need are going to be ones that you have to abide by, because you’re the one who kept leading her on. You’re going to have to s--t or get off the pot here, because up until now, you’ve been trying to have it both ways, and that’s not going to work.

Here’s the thing: your relationship with her has a very consistent pattern – you two start talking, you get flirty, she responds and then you pull back and go “WOAH, hold on, this isn’t what I meant, I can’t do this.” And then five minutes later, you’re getting all flirty and lovey-dovey again, even as you say that you’ve dialed it back this time for realsies.

I’ve counted at least three separate occasions where you get flirty with her, pull back and say “no, stop, we can’t”, then get flirty again not long afterwards. I will be honest; as soon as I saw “we decided to go on vacation together as friends” come up, I was counting down the seconds until the two of you wound up in bed together. I would also be willing to wager cash-money that this is precisely what will happen again when you visit her for her birthday.

Quite frankly, I’m wondering why you haven’t seen this pattern yourself. I’m also wondering how many times you and your friend are going to do this dance before she gets tired of setting herself up to be rejected again after you’ve been giving her yet more signs of clearly wanting to be more than friends.

I know you’re not doing this maliciously, but this dance of “go away/ wait a minute” isn’t fair to her. You flirt with her, you get physically affectionate and then as soon as she starts to respond, you tell her that you don’t want this. At best, it’s confusing to her, seeing as your actions and your words aren’t lining up. At worst… well, at worst, it’s painful. Rejection isn’t fun under the best of circumstances, but rejection that comes after the other person is making goo-goo eyes and kissy noises is especially painful. While it may not be intentional, it has the effect of leaving her on the hook and wondering if maybe this time will be the time that you’re not going to yank the football away at the last second.

So, you’re going to have to make the call here. Either the two of you can try to find some way to make this a series of flings that you can have when you’re both single and able to see each other, or you’re going to have to commit to being completely platonic. That means no flirting, no physical affection and being almost religiously disciplined about drinking or anything else that might cause a (ahem) “lapse in judgement”. Because let’s be honest here, just you and me and the readers making three: we all know that’s going to happen when you visit her for her birthday. It’ll be another “accident” that everyone will see coming from a mile away and yet somehow you just can’t seem to get out of the way in time.

So, if you want her in your life, you have to make a decision and stick to it. You either find a way to make this a more serious relationship – even as your time together is incredibly limited – or you end the flirting and making out and constant emotional edging cold. No exceptions. Anything else is too unfair and too disrespectful to her.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’m honestly not even sure how to begin writing about this – but here goes. I feel like being “too nice” is actually holding me back when it comes to dating and relationships.

Growing up, I was the shy, bullied kid. I kept to myself, played video games, and spent way too much time online trying to escape and cope. The term “incel” wasn’t common back then, but the underlying frustration and confusion around dating were definitely there. I never believed in the extreme ideas, like needing to be six feet tall to have a chance with women, but I did constantly compare myself to guys who were more confident, edgier, better looking, and more athletic. I always felt like I didn’t measure up.

Fast forward to now – things are different. I’ve grown into myself. I’m charismatic, confident, fun to be around, and I know I’m attractive. I don’t mean that in an arrogant way – it’s just something I’ve come to accept, and I have had way too many people compliment my appearance. People seem to enjoy being around me, and sometimes I unintentionally become the center of attention. I teach dance part-time, so I spend a lot of time with women and connecting socially comes easily in that space. I also know that women come to trust me very well.

And yet…I’m 34, and I’ve only ever been on one date when I was 18.

I’m not insecure about my masculinity per-se, but I feel like my softer character is a disadvantage. I’m not the stereotypical macho type, but I’m in great shape, have a solid sense of style, and I carry myself well. I’m kind and playful – but I also have clear boundaries, I speak up for myself, and I don’t let people walk all over me. That’s gotten me into trouble a few times, actually. Sometimes I wonder if people assume I’m gay. It’s come up now and then, and a few gay men have shown interest, but it’s rare enough that I don’t think it’s a major factor. I’ve even asked a couple of female friends, and they’ve said no, they never got that impression. I’m always making people laugh, and it’s clear the comfort is there.

In the past year or so, I’ve started to notice women looking at me in ways I hadn’t seen before – glances, and subtle touches. But even then, those glancing at me don’t tend to give me an opening (such as getting closer, or smiling), and the interactions I do have never seem to go beyond surface-level friendliness. With the women I’m more familiar with, I try to extend our interactions, like dropping them a text outside of the times that I see them physically, but they don’t respond to such advances (platonic or otherwise). I am flirty. It’s like I’ve got all the characteristics some may want in a partner, but I’m not someone they see romantically or sexually.

So here’s what I’m trying to understand: If I’m not being fake nice, and I’m not a pushover – why does being a genuinely kind, empathetic, and playful man seem to work against me when it comes to finding love or being desired?

Mr. Nice Guy

DEAR Mr. NICE GUY: This isn’t a question of your being “too nice”, MNG. In fact, unless you’ve left out some important details – like someone saying “you’re just too nice”, then nothing you describe has anything to do with how nice/bad you are. You’re attributing things to being “too nice” because this is something that is in the forefront of your mind, not something that’s driving other people away. And, if I’m being honest, I think you’re running into an issue a lot of folks who’ve had a similar glow-up have.

Don’t get me wrong: you’ve made a lot of progress – both with your overall looks and presentation and with your relationship with yourself and your body. That’s all excellent, and you should be proud of all the work you’ve done and the progress that you’ve made. But while you’ve put in a lot of effort to grow and mature in these areas, I think you haven’t put quite as much effort into letting go of old, unhelpful beliefs about yourself, about women and about dating in general.

Part of the problem is misunderstanding what being “too nice” actually means. When we talk about Nice Guys™ or about the problem with being “nice”, we’re not saying that being compassionate, considerate, accommodating or generous and empathic are unattractive qualities or turn people off. In fact, those are all qualities that make someone more charismatic, not less. The “too nice” problem is almost always an issue of someone having too little confidence and assertiveness, of being too passive and too eager to evade any sort of ownership of their own interests or desire.

It’s the same when people complain about “bad boys” or “a--holes” and how supposedly popular and desirable they are. Most of the time “asshole” in this case really means “person who has what I want and I don’t think they deserve it”. It’s almost always a matter of envy that people don’t want to acknowledge as envy; they see confidence and assertiveness as arrogance and aggression because they don’t feel it in themselves, even though they wish they had it. They see someone who may be a bit cocky and think they’re actually a horrible person because they themselves lack that feeling of self-assurance. And while it’s certainly true that a lot of s--tty, manipulative people convince folks to date them, the reason why folks find them attractive isn’t because they’re horrible; they’re often just better at hiding their s--ttiness at first.

After all, nobody’s thinking “wow, this guy is absolutely going to milk me for money, treat me like s--t, f--k my best friend and wipe his d--k on the teddy bear I’ve had since childhood on his way out the door, I must have him.”

It’s also not the case that “nice” guys can’t be cruel or manipulative. Lots of people have complained about uwu smol-bean softbois who treat their partners and prospective dates like s--t; the only difference is the flavor.

Being too afraid of rejection to make a move, not having confidence in oneself or not necessarily having the same level of charisma or charm as others doesn’t make someone “nice”. It just makes them someone who doesn’t want to take a chance and hasn’t developed the skill to be charismatic or to express themselves in an attractive way.

The problem that you – like a lot of other people – are having is that you’ve mistaken the sizzle for the steak. Being stylish, in good physical shape and conventionally attractive are all appealing qualities, to be sure… but that’s not going to do the work for you. You can be incredibly hot but have all the interpersonal skills of a boiled potato, while a dude who looks like his parents vacationed one too many times in Innsmouth can be out there getting ass like he was in a car case and crashed through a plate-ass window. At the risk of sounding dismissive, the difference really is a skill issue.

A lot of social success, especially when it comes to dating and relationships, comes down to connecting with people, reading the room and knowing how to present yourself as a potential romantic partner. It’s about having people skills and knowing how to make someone smile or laugh or feel good about themselves or how to be someone who brings the fun. Part of the reason why “I’m ugly, broke and borderline homeless… but I’m in a band” is such a cliché is because they are very good at hitting people in the feels. Music, after all, affects us in a very primal place; it moves us, inspires us and just makes us feel. And it’s that “how you make people feel” that a lot of folks forget to develop.

When people focus on improving external qualities like their physique or their style, they often lose sight of the importance of soft skills like flirting or building a connection with people. They often convince themselves that the only thing holding themselves back is how they look, rather than how they interact with other people. There’s a tendency to think that looks alone are going to do the heavy lifting and all they have to do is wait for success to come rolling in. As a result, even when people express some interest in them, they don’t know how to build on those moments. Nor do they know how to initiate the connection and find the people who’re looking for someone just like them.

Now in your case, specifically, I think you’re still in need of working on your assertiveness and willingness to make the first move, as well as working on how to read the room. Let’s take the women you mention seeing giving you subtle signs but not giving you an opening like coming closer. Many times, the issue is that you need to be the one coming closer to them; the reason why we call these approach invitations is that you’re being invited to come approach them. That is: they’ve given you a sign that they’re curious about you, so now it’s on you to go over and strike up a conversation.

Similarly, you might want to give them an invitation of your own. Meeting their eyes and smiling first, for example, is a sign that you’re friendly and open to talking. The classic “make eye contact, look away, look back and smile” is sending the message that you noticed them – especially if you notice them looking at you first – and you’re pleased by this. You might add a flirty angle to it by giving a Harrison Ford-esque wink and grin or an eyebrow flash to show your interest. Or send a more direct invite with a head nod or gesture to come over and say hello.

I suspect that you haven’t been doing these things, which is likely the source of most of the times people have wondered if you were gay; even today, a lot of people hold onto stereotypes about gay behavior vs. straight behavior. Your overall look and behavior paired with a seeming lack of interest in the women you’re talking to will occasionally lead to people making erroneous assumptions.

Just as importantly, you want to work on the differences between someone who’s being polite or friendly versus someone who’s genuinely interested. This is as much art as it is science and it takes a certain amount of practice and social calibration, and it requires tailoring your approach to be appropriate for the people involved. If you’re getting no response from the texts you’re sending to your casual acquaintances, you may well be misreading their intentions or the way you’re texting them isn’t inviting a response – or the response you’re looking for, in any case.

Part of the problem is the context that you’re meeting the women you’ve been texting or inviting out. If you’ve met these women in the context of being their dance teacher, you may not be someone they would feel comfortable having a more personal relationship with. The fact that this is a semi-professional relationship may make them feel uncomfortable having more of a social connection, especially if you’re being paid to teach them.

(I would also advise caution here; while the fact that you’re teaching dance classes isn’t the same as, say, being their college professor, your employer may well have very strong opinions about teachers trying to flirt with the students.)

Others, however, may simply not feel like you have the sort of relationship that would lead to contact outside of class or seeing you socially. It may also simply be that you’re not where you would need to be yet.

In those cases, you’d need to devote a little more time to building the foundation of a connection with them via making small talk and getting to know them over time.

One of the things I would suggest that you should pay attention to is the overall tone and tenor of your interactions. Are you asking them questions about themselves and showing interest in getting to know them as people? Have you asked about their hobbies or interests? Have you found that you and they have interests or experiences in common, or have all the conversations been strictly small talk about “safe” topics? These are all important when it comes to establishing the sorts of connections that can lead to friendships and more. If you’re not doing this – and honestly, a lot of men have issues with actually asking questions or showing basic interest in the people they’re talking to – then that’s something you should pay more attention to.

Similarly, have you been flirting with these people or otherwise showing interest in being more than acquaintances? Have there been moments when you were talking in person that they were showing interest in seeing you again or seeing you socially – more than the usual polite “well, hope to see you again?” If not, then again, this is an area that’s going to require more attention and effort from you. You’re going to want signs of mutual interest. Otherwise, you’re likely to have invitations and texts that are going to go unanswered.

Again, I don’t want to downplay or dismiss the effort you’ve put into your presentation and your confidence. I just want to emphasize that developing and improving your social skills is equally important as working on your looks – if not more so. You’ve put a lot of work into looking better. Now it’s time to develop the other skills you need for social success.

Don’t worry about being “too nice”. Put your focus on being more social and more proactive about meeting people you’re interested in.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com