DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: is it wrong to break up my boyfriend after finding out he doesn’t like giving oral sex? And also am I crazy for wanting to move in with him? A little backstory:

We’ve been dating for 3 months and this is both of our first long term relationship. Before him I was very sexually active and I’m comfortable talking and having sex and he isn’t. Before me he’s only had sex with 1 other girl and he’s also 22 and I’m 20. We’re both in college and it’s time to start planning on where you want to live for next year & I want to move in with him because I love him and it’s cheaper, but everyone is saying I’m crazy especially for staying with a guy who hasn’t given me head.

I spoke to him about it and he said he’s willing to learn and start doing it for me but I guess everyone’s words stuck to me. Yet again it’s my relationship not theirs. Everyone is saying I’m rushing towards it and I should think twice before moving in with him. But I feel ready & we talked about it I also have never met anyone like him, I love him, I just wish the sex was better sometimes and that he gave me head and if he said he’s willing to work on it, isn’t that something?

Or is it better that I give up and break up with him.

Head Strong

DEAR HEAD STRONG: I think you’re missing what you’re friends are trying to tell you by a wide margin.

Ok, let’s start with the obvious, HS: you can break up with a partner (whether this guy or any future partners) for pretty much any reason at all. Don’t like the way his nose whistles when he breathes? You can break up with him over that. Don’t like the way the part in his hair is so straight that it’s writing Ed Shereen songs? You can dump him for that.

So yes, you can break up with him over the fact that thus far, he doesn’t like going down on you. If that’s something you need from a sex partner, then that’s something you need and anyone who won’t provide that is someone you can safely drop from your social calendar. 

Now that having been said: there’s a difference between “won’t” and “isn’t crazy about it”. You can dump him right the hell now if you so choose, but I think that might be jumping the gun. If he’s willing to give it the ol’ college try for you and is willing to add it to his regular repertoire because it’s important to you? I think that it’s worth giving him a chance to, er, put his money where his mouth is. Or isn’t, as it were.

Now someone get out their phone and dial 1-900-Mixx-A-Lot because there’s one giant “but” coming…

BUT.

You really need to slow your roll on basically everything right now because HOLY S--T you’re bouncing all over the place like a meth-addicted pinball. In the span of a paragraph, the sex is mediocre but he’s the love of your life and you’re going to move in with him but also you’re willing to dump him because your friends said so and honestly, I’m just exhausted trying to keep up with your train of thought here.

We’ll go with the part you don’t want to hear: I really don’t think you’re in love with this guy. ODing on the New Relationship Energy, absolutely. But I don’t think this is love and you definitely don’t want to move in with him.

Look, I get it. You’re 20. You’re in college. It’s probably your first true taste of independence. You’re having all sorts of new incredible experiences, you’ve got this guy you’re really digging… but a) you’re 20 and b) you’ve been dating for three months. At three months, you do not know this dude, and he doesn’t know you. You are seeing New Relationship Guy, when he may as well be working on his Oscar acceptance speech because he’s giving you a performance of the kind of guy he wants you to see. And you are doing the same for him.

It’s not that you and he are being deceitful, it’s that at this stage, you’re still giving 110% at trying to be the ultimate version of yourselves, because this is all new and fresh and exciting, and everything down to the way he chews his food is wonderful and it feels like you can keep this up forever. But while all of this is exciting and it’s fun, there’s still so much that you two don’t know about each other, or even about yourselves when you’re with one another. You don’t know each other’s incredibly annoying habits or peccadilloes, you haven’t had days where you both look like you got run over by the ugly truck because you’ve both got the same bug going around and you feel like you’re 80% snot and gastric distress by volume. Nor have you had serious fights – not disagreeing about whose turn it is to pick something on Netflix – but the real s--t, the deep, core values or having serious conflicts, where you actually get seriously upset at each other.

Hell, I’m not entirely sure if you’ve reached the stage where you’ve actually farted in front of this dude, and you’re still working on whether he’s going to be giving you head or not and if he’s any good at it.  

My point is that this is not the period where you should be making plans to move in together, because you don’t know the important s--t about one another. You’re thinking about it being cheaper and being with your snugglebunny 24/7 and how romantic it will all be, but you haven’t seen so much as “can he remember to take the trash out and separate out the recycling”. Or how he behaves when things go wrong and he’s seriously inconvenienced. Or what happens if one of you can’t make rent this month. Or…

Here’s the thing: moving in together is a very significant step in a relationship. But you don’t know anything about what living with this dude would be like. You don’t seem to have so much as had a long weekend together, and you’re half-ready to kick him to the curb.

Call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem like the strongest basis for shacking up with someone.

More seriously: living with people takes a lot of adjustment and some very significant concessions, even with people you’re generally compatible with. I’ve seen decades long friendships end because they tried being roommates and discovered what it was like when they couldn’t get away from all the little things that annoyed them about the other person. And trust me: he’s got little things that annoy you and vice versa.

So do yourself a favor here: let’s take about 20% off the love talk and put off moving in with him for at least a year. For now, why not focus more on the fact that the sex isn’t great and work on that. Because trust me: if the sex ain’t working, the rest won’t either.

Let the dude work on his head game. If he gets that to a satisfactory level… maybe look into taking a vacation first and see how that goes. If you can make it through, say, trying to get a connection out of DFW or O’Hare without murdering each other, you might – and I stress might – be able to survive living together.

Good luck.

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DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I was thinking for quite a while to submit this story but since it still bothers me to this day I really believe I need your help. Below I will try to keep the story as compact as possible.

On May of 2022 I was scrolling through Tinder and managed to score a match with a girl whom we will call Gina. I could tell she was a foreigner, and most likely a tourist (I live in Greece), which usually puts me off, ‘cause in the end they will leave for good. But in the name of trying to get the Tinder algorithm to keep working, I messaged her. She was very invested from the start, something that does not happen usually on dating apps. For reference it was a Wednesday that I started talking to her. Since she was seeming so interested, I did not hesitate to ask her for a date in our first day of talking. I asked if she wanted to hang out on the weekend, and she replied that she was planning on visiting other towns on my island. Immediately after that though she suggested that we go out on the next day (Thursday), which I agreed to.

Now to be frank most of my dating life sucked. I was 26 at the time with no sexual experience and with only a girlfriend of 1 week. I used to be very shy when I was younger and although that has changed my luck was no better. Almost all the girls I wanted had relationships. So with that in mind I was very skeptical on why she was so eager to go out the next day.

On Thursday, we went on a pretty chill date. We did not even sit somewhere to eat or drink; we just walked a lot around the town. We were constantly talking with no awkward pauses etc. So at the end of the date, she asked me if I wanted to hang out the next day too. I was very surprised but immediately said yes. Friday morning, I texted her to ask if the plans for that day were still on. She took a while to reply, and by a while I mean she replied in the afternoon with a quite unsettling text. I will try to convey the message she sent me: “I just want to let you know that I had a lot of fun yesterday, but since you are on Tinder, that means that you may look for something more between us. And a very recent ex of mine plans to travel here to make things up with me, and I want to give him a chance.” After that text, I was quite sad, to be honest, and the older me would never reply back to her never again. But I had set myself up to change and as sad I was I texted her back this “That’s totally acceptable. You are not obliged to date me. But is our burger night still on for tonight?” and she replied with a yes.

After another fun date on Friday, she wanted another date on Saturday. We drove to another town for that and we had a lot of fun even with what happened she seemed she wanted to spend time with me.

On Sunday, we hadn’t plan anything so I went out for a long walk by myself, and while we were texting to each other, I mentioned to her that I was on a walk and did she want to join me? She did indeed join me, and we went for dinner and then walked for at least 2 hours. I also told her I collect some Yu-gi-oh Cards and I would give her one the next time we go out and she really seemed to like that.(That’s kind of important for later)

After that I lost her for 2 weeks. Her ex-boyfriend had seemingly arrived and we lost all contact. And at some point I uploaded a story to Instagram that was from the other town we visited on that Saturday. She replied to that and asked me to confirm the location. So we started talking back and forth again and eventually decided to go on another date after 2 and a half weeks. So our next date would be, at least for me, the most important one, because I was set to make a move on her (since things didn’t go as planned for her with her Ex). Keep in mind, I was very inexperienced, and was constantly trying to find ways on how I would go for a kiss. So here comes Friday, the day we arranged the new date. I gave her one of my collectible cards and she really was way more excited than I thought she would be . She was staring at it for like 10 minutes. For our date I had thought of us going for a swim, since maybe that would close the distance between us. Oh boy I was wrong, because she wouldn’t stop swimming away haha. I started to get anxious since that plan didn’t work. After the swim we went to get ready to go out for dinner and then for a walk. At our walk we went to the lighthouse of the town which is quite romantic and just sat there.

I just couldn’t go for a kiss since she wasn’t that close to me. So I mustered up the courage and just told her “I want to kiss you” and to my surprise she found that cute and set herself up for a kiss. We started kissing for like 10 minutes and after that we had planned to go for a motorcycle ride. But when we reached my motorcycle, she told me she was tired and wanted to go home (and immediately I thought she didn’t want the date to continue) and she invited me over to the Airbnb she was renting. We went there and sat a little bit on the TV. As time progressed we started making out again and that eventually that lead to sex. I was totally inexperienced and had some trouble with erections due to anxiety. But I did try my best to make her feel good, and she even told me something I was not expecting “you are the only person I’ve seen that cares that much about someone else’s sexual pleasure before their own” I really considered that a compliment.

All good for now. We went on 2-3 other dates and even rented 2 Airbnb’s on other towns to visit as mini trips. Now something I think needs to be mentioned is she was very obsessed with work and she even wanted to start her own business. She had a very good salary and she almost never let me pay for her, even on the first date. Not only that, she was the one paying for me. She even rented the Airbnb’s we stayed at because she said it was only fair cause I was driving her there.

I feel the need to clarify that cause I really think it shows some kind of caring.

Eventually I found out she had her birthday the previous weekend (which followed the successful date) but she didn’t want to let me know when. So I got her a little present. It was 2 earrings and planned on giving her those on our 2 day mini trip. The first town we went was in Lasithi, which frankly was the best day of all, minus an important information. We went there, we ate at a fantastic tavern, the city was beautiful. In the afternoon before we went out, we had a little fun on the bed and started talking. I was thinking those days if the relationship would last cause she was living in Ireland. But she told me that she didn’t want a long distance relationship, which I can understand, but she told me we could eventually meet again.(big lie for no reason cause I didn’t push her to tell me something like that).

After that we had the best dinner and walk in the town and when we went back to our apartment, I gave her the earrings and wished her a happy birthday. She seemed to appreciate that a lot and a while after that a quite hot night occurred.

The next day, we got ready for the next town. It was fun, but I could tell something was a little bit off. She even slept on the couch (cause of the snoring maybe?) and the sex was quite unexciting compared to the previous day. Anyways long story sort we eventually went back to my hometown on Saturday. On Monday, she would leave for good this time; I think it was 10-11 of June. So on Sunday was our last date, which was mediocre to say the least. I even told her grab some selfies together (she never asked for any pictures) and she went tired really quickly. And even though it was our last day together, there was no sex only some kissing so yeah (I don’t mind not having sex, obviously, but since she would leave so far away, one would think one last time of connection would be required)

Monday arrives and I told her I would drive her to the airport. When we arrived there we kissed and said goodbye. I could see her eyes a little bit red. Now when I went back to my car I wrote her a message “that I had a lot of fun and I would miss her” which she didn’t reciprocate. Especially on the “I will miss you part”. She told me before she left she would let me know when she arrives in Ireland. Which she never did, and I asked her myself cause I got a little bit worried. I could tell from the chat something had changed though. We talked a little bit for like a week and I could tell she didn’t want to talk so I stopped. Keep in mind I’m never pushy or clingy so when I stop I stop FOREVER.

Some days went by and she even stopped liking my photos and my stories. I was totally mind blown on why such a 180 degree change happened . We didn’t argue and we had a lot of fun together. I did not upset her in any way so that change of behaviour got me shocked. After some months she eventually started liking my pictures again and sporadically some of my stories (like once a month) We had stopped talking for good and on New Year’s Eve, I Just wished her a happy new year (didn’t expect to start a chat but I expected a happy new year back) which she read and left on read. At this point I started getting insulted. We shared a month together (which I know is not long) but I did nothing to get treated like I didn’t exist at all. Also what bothers my mind is that if she wanted just a f--kbuddy why would she choose me. I wasn’t good at bed for sure because I had no idea what I was doing. Why would she invest so much time and money on me just for me to be her f--kbuddy? She was a stunningly beautiful woman she could easily had many guys at will. After that I never texted her again. She kept liking my stories once a month and some of my pictures. I always thought that that was her way of reminding me she is still there even though we don’t talk. But now after September of 2023 she stopped everything. Nothing. No pictures no stories of mine.

The thing is I feel like she has forgotten me and if there’s one thing I can’t take is that. I hate being forgotten more than anything else. I really don’t care to rebuild the relationship with her but I would like to know that she still exists somewhere and that once or twice a month we could exchange our news. But her leaving so far away and acting like I don’t exist still bothers me so much till 1.5 year later.

So how can I let go and move on? I sadly didn’t have the chance to date (successfully at least) another woman so she still lingers on my mind. I am just so tired of getting sad for her for treating me like that. Like I’m insignificant . I feel like my one and only dating success didn’t even matter at this point. I miss her yes but in a way I mentioned before . I would like to have some contact with there once in a while as a friend . What she is doing now is just cruel.

Sorry for the long rant but I’m really tired and want to move on. I keep getting hit like a truck very often because of that…

Summer Loving

DEAR SUMMER LOVING: There’s a rather famous line from Hamlet that I feel is appropriate here, SL: “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” That is: the way we think about things is often what ultimately decides whether it was a good experience or a bad one.

That’s about 90% of what’s going on here. You had what many people would think was a magical summer adventure – the sort of thing that people literally write novels and screenplays about… but your way of looking at things – and missing some critical clues and outright statements along the way – is poisoning it for you. This is in some ways the epitome of “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory”; you had an experience that many people would kill for and it’s become bitter and harsh because of this outlook.

Here’s the disconnect: you’re looking at this experience very differently that she did and I suspect that those expectations are what ultimately got in the way – both at the end of the experience and coloring your expectations after.

What Gina expected, and ultimately had, was a summer fling. She came to the Greek islands on holiday, apparently at least in part to deal with an ugly break up. Over the course of her stay, she meets a charming local on a dating app, goes on a date, has a good time but oh, woe, she doesn’t want to overpromise because a) you met on on Tinder, b) she’s on vacation and c) a fresh break up, all of which meant that she doesn’t want to lead you on to something she can’t deliver on. And a second-act complication! Her ex is coming to the islands, hoping for a second chance! But wouldn’t you know it, it didn’t work out but that charming local is still around and still interested in hanging out.

Another date leads to sex, sex leads to a couple more weeks of touring around, seeing the sites and the sort of vacation that literally gets turned into summer airport reads, before she goes back to her life in Ireland.

You, on the other hand, saw this as something far more serious and far more significant than she did. Even if you weren’t seeing it as a long-term relationship, you clearly hoped and expected that it would be much more than it was and that it would last significantly beyond the bounds of her vacation.

Now, to be fair to you: this is as much about experience, and the lack thereof, as it is anything else. It’s a little easier to recognize a very short-term fling for what it is when you’ve had more experience under your belt. But while experience helps, it also seems like you’ve missed a few times where Gina was giving you the heads up as to how she saw this whole thing.

Right off the bat, when she told you that she didn’t you to get the wrong idea – seeing as you met on Tinder and her ex was coming to town – that was the first indication that this wasn’t going to be a Love To Last The Ages. Now, she was saying this in the context of giving her ex another chance, but this was also her telling you “don’t get too attached to me”. Similarly, when she told you that she didn’t want anything long-term and that you might see each other again in the future, she was saying “this is a fling, I’m going home, if we ever see each other again and we’re both single, maybe we’ll hook up again”. And honestly, I suspect that part of what motivated her telling you this was that she could tell that you were getting much more invested in this than she was… and likely more than she was comfortable with.

I suspect that the tipping point was buying her the earrings for her birthday. The Yu-gi-oh card was cute, something that would make a sweet souvenir of your time together. Getting her jewelry, especially for her birthday, was going to come off as being more significant. Even if these were relatively cheap or simple, jewelry tends to come pre-loaded with meaning – intentionally or otherwise.

She didn’t tell you about her birthday for a reason and I think that your seeking it out and getting her a present – while heartfelt and sweet – was a moment of “oh no, I think he’s gotten too attached” for her. I suspect that is at least part of why she was seeming distant, afterwards. Physically separating (sleeping on the couch instead of in bed with you), the less enthusiastic sex and then no sex at all on the last couple days, coupled with not responding to a more romantically tinged farewell text… these all suggest to me that she was getting a bit uncomfortable with the level of investment and attachment you were showing at that point. I don’t think her not responding at all was a great move on her part – it comes off as callous – but I think this was the text version of trying to pretend that one just didn’t hear the flirty thing another person said.

As for the rest… honestly, I think people read far too much into social media behavior, especially when you’re dealing with a platform with an algorithm that can and will just not show posts or stories for one reason or another. I think using likes, reacts and views as the 21st century version of Victorian Flower Code mostly leads to wishful thinking and overly creative interpretations (and glaring miscommunications) than anything else. The fact that she started occasionally liking your posts again months down the line could well be down to “the algo showed her your pictures again”. Yes, it could also be because she hoped that a few months of not hearing from her might cool things down… but honestly, it’s all speculation, and ultimately, it’s not going to change the outcome either way.  

Now I know this sounds like I’m mostly just dumping on you, so I want to be clear: you did amazingly well. You had an incredible experience, a golden summer romance that should be something to cherish. If you separate your disappointment for how things ended from what actually happened when you were together,  I think you would find that this is the sort of core memory that would be the start of more incredible experiences – something that should boost your confidence and self-esteem.

And, quite frankly, I think it still can be, once you get a bit of distance and perspective. The way we feel about events in our past can, and frequently does, change over time. As we get older, gain more experience and develop a wider perspective, what seems disappointing at the time can often turn out to be something significant and wonderful… in no small part because we change how we look at it. 

Yes, it would’ve been nice if this had been the birth of something more with her, but not every love story is meant to be an epic poem. Some are just meant to be short stories, and they’re no less important, meaningful or valuable for being brief. If anything, they’re like shooting stars – they burn bright and fade fast, but that makes them all the more beautiful while they last.

So, my suggestion for you? Start reframing this in your mind. Yes, it sounds woo-woo bulls--t to say “think of it differently and it’ll all be fine”, but I really do mean it. If you see it as a summer romance that taught you a lot about yourself, including learning from some mistakes so that you don’t repeat them in the future, I think you’ll start feeling differently about the whole experience.

Just as importantly, reframing it this way will make it easier for you to let go of the anger and frustration you’re feeling – and I suspect it’s directed at yourself as much as it is at Gina. This was a moment of two people coming together for a brief period of time – bright, beautiful and beginning and ending in an eyeblink, but no less valuable for it. Now armed with this new knowledge about what you’re capable of? I think you should take it as something to improve your confidence and self-worth, as well as challenging any self-limiting beliefs you’ve had.

I mean, think about it. Yeah, you would’ve liked a different ending to this story – something more akin to Before Sunrise than Roman Holiday –  but now you’re the magic summer fling that she had while on vacation in the Greek islands. That’s not forgetting you in the slightest; that’s making you an almost legendary figure, the sort of person that’s usually only found in romantic movies and books that make women fantasize about having similar adventures.

It’s a shame that this didn’t end the way you would’ve hoped, but that doesn’t mean that this  is something to be bitter about. Change your thinking about this experience, SL. There’re things to learn, sure, but overall? This was a triumph, not a failure, and a reminder of just how much potential you have and what you’re capable of.

Good luck.

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DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’m in a bit of a complicated situation and could really use some advice. I’m currently in a polyamorous relationship, something I was open to trying when my partner suggested it. However, I’m struggling with feelings of jealousy, which has become a significant issue between us.

I understand that, as someone who’s relatively new to poly, there can be an adjustment period. I absolutely get that my partner’s other relationships don’t mean that I’m not special to her or that she doesn’t care for me the way I do for her. It’s still been difficult and it’s become something that keeps coming up.

My partner often tells me that my jealousy is a sign that I’m not fully invested in this, that I should be feeling compersion and be pleased at the delight she’s taking in her relationships. This criticism is hard to hear, especially since I feel like I’m still learning and adapting to this new relationship dynamic. Despite my best efforts to communicate and work through my feelings, her remarks make me feel invalidated and misunderstood and she has indicated that this is something I should be working on for myself. It’s, as you might say, a “me” problem, not a “her” problem.

To add to this, there’s a double standard that I’m finding difficult to navigate. My partner frequently criticizes or outright vetoes people I’m interested in dating. This feels very controlling and hypocritical, considering her stance on my struggles with jealousy. It’s as though I’m expected to be completely accepting and supportive of her relationships, but the same doesn’t apply to her.

Moreover, she often doesn’t have time for me, citing her commitments with other partners. Yet, when I express feeling neglected or ask for more time together, she dismisses my concerns. She believes in a “relationship anarchy” model and that I’m being overly hierarchical. This imbalance is causing a lot of tension and resentment on my end.

I believe that love isn’t finite and that feelings for one person doesn’t mean that we don’t also care and love for others. I want to make this work, but I’m feeling increasingly frustrated and hurt. How can I address these issues without causing more conflict? Is there a way to navigate these feelings of jealousy and imbalance in a healthier, more constructive manner?

Sincerely, Lost in Polyland

DEAR NLOST IN POLYLAND: Well this is an easy one: break up with her, LIP. Like, yesterday.

Sorry to be blunt about it this early on, but if I hadn’t seen people who behave like this with my own eyes, I’d be half-convinced this was a fake letter. As it is, every other line of your letter starts making my Spidey-sense tingle harder and harder until it’s a series of car alarms performing the Carol of the Bells at 4 AM.

There’s a lot going on here, but the big one is the way she’s brushing off your feelings, especially the feelings of jealousy. ��One of the things that trip a lot of people up regarding polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy isn’t that it magically frees you from feelings of jealousy or envy or insecurity or whatnot, nor are poly people just immune to feeling jealous or neglected or the rest of the uncomfortable stew of emotions that can crop up in any relationship. Similarly, not everyone feels compersion – being happy that someone else is happy – for their partners’ relationships and feeling compersion isn’t the opposite or absence of jealousy. In fact, I’d recommend reading friend-of-the-column Dr. Liz Powell’s piece “Is Compersion Necessary for Polyamory”; as they put it, people can often feel compersion and jealousy or envy at the same time.

But here’s the thing about jealousy: a lot of times, jealousy is like the “check engine” light of the relationship. Sometimes it’s nothing; the emotional equivalent of having forgotten to tighten the gas cap all the way. Other times, however, it’s an indication that maybe there’s a need that’s not being met or a feeling that you’re not being treated as well as you should be. ��This is why trying to not feel jealousy is a mistake. Feeling jealous doesn’t automatically mean that you’re doing something wrong, nor does it automatically mean that there’s an actual problem. It’s worth interrogating why you feel this way and if it’s an actual issue, or if it’s a nagging insecurity or what. Ideally, it’s also worth discussing with your partner, so that either they can provide some reassurance (if it’s nothing) or address the issue (if there is one).

But what your partner’s doing is basically abdicating her responsibilities to your relationship by brushing things off and telling you that it means you’re doing this wrong, somehow.

I suspect that part of the jealousy is stemming from the fact that you’re not getting as much time with her as you’d prefer. You, very understandably, would like to feel like a priority in her life, and she isn’t treating you like one. Now, there are times when it can feel like one’s partner is too “busy” or involved with other people – if they’re dating someone new and the New Relationship Energy is kicking in hard, for example. But part of relationship maintenance, especially in non-monogamous relationships, is being mindful of how you treat your partners and the nature of your relationship. If she’s doing the “non-hierarchical” version of poly, she certainly seems to be doing it wrong, seeing as you seem to be at the low end of her priority list.

And frankly that’s before we get to the “vetoing” your other potential partners, which, honestly, is a red flag for me. If this is truly an anarchic model of poly, then she really doesn’t have the authority to tell you who you can or can’t date. Or rather: she has the same right to feel the way she feels that you do. She can dislike things all she wants, but doesn’t have the “right” to demand that you end relationships any more than you do.

Honestly, when a more experienced partner is telling the less experienced one that they’re supposed to eat s--t… well, my Spidey-sense moves on from Carol of the Bells to the Hallelujah Chorus.

I don’t know if your partner’s the type to weaponizes her jealousy to control you, if she’s just self-absorbed or just plain toxic, but this is a bad scene and you’re better off without her. My recommendation? Drop her like sixth period French and go reconnect with some of the people she “vetoed”. There’re much better matches out there, who will actually treat you with respect and not just brush off legitimate concerns with “not my problem.”

Good luck.

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