DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: One thing I hear over and over again from people is that I should be completely happy by myself before I attempt any sort of romantic engagement.

If that’s to be taken seriously, then how is dating not just an interruption of either of our lives? If I’m content with being alone, then how wouldn’t inviting someone into my daily life not just make them feel unnecessary? How wouldn’t my partner just feel like a proverbial tacked-on wheel to an already functional vehicle?

Rolling Solo

DEAR ROLLING SOLO: This is an interesting question because I have mixed feelings about the idea of “you should be happy by yourself before you date someone”. Not that I disagree with it — I don’t — but because people toss it out there so frequently without understanding it. It’s kind of like the oft-quoted line from Ru Paul: if you don’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anyone else. People assume that this means that you can’t love someone or date them if, say, you struggle with depression or self-worth. But what it actually means is that you have to understand and trust yourself, be willing to be good to yourself and do what’s right for you if you’re going to love someone. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll pick people who aren’t right for you, you won’t have the necessary boundaries to make sure you aren’t taking care of your own needs and you’ll be offloading your own locus of control onto someone else.

So it is with “be happy by yourself”. The reason why people get this wrong is because… well, they’re coming at relationships from the wrong angle. They treat relationships as a “need”, a “I MUST have this in order to be happy” or “I can ONLY be satisfied if I’m dating someone”. That’s a bad look on anyone. The problem with this outlook is that you’re functionally abdicating responsibility for your own emotional health and well-being. When you’re saying that “you need X to be happy”, you’re putting the responsibility for your happiness and satisfaction on someone else; your theoretical partner is now responsible for making you happy and feeling satisfied. That’s not what they signed on for. Folks are struggling to hold onto their own emotional well-being; being the sole person in charge of another person’s happiness is just one responsibility too many.

It’s akin to the idea of the manic pixie dream girl: the idea that this woman’s whole purpose in life is to make her boyfriend a better person. But that’s not a person, that’s a prop.

At the same time, having a great life while you’re single doesn’t mean that adding to it is a disruption. You can be happy and satisfied while being single and still want to date. You can have a great life and date someone without it being a disruption. Having a great life, one that you’re happy with, actually makes you a more desirable partner. It means that you’ve got your s

t together. You’re in a good place emotionally, you’ve got a solid social circle, you have interests and passions and live an interesting and fulfilling life. These are all positive qualities, things that we look for in potential partners. It means that they aren’t going to be looking to us to pick up the slack for them. It also means that they’re living a life that we would like to take part in. After all: if you’re having a great time with friends and activities… why wouldn’t someone else look at that and say “hey, I’d love to give that a try. I bet that I would have a great time with them!”

Being “needed” sounds sweet and romantic… right up until you try to live it. That’s when you discover that this isn’t love, it’s control. It’s anxiety.

Your life should be great… and a relationship should be the capstone on it, not the foundation. Otherwise, all you’re doing is giving up control of your life. The loss of that foundation — because relationships can and do end, even when nobody has done anything wrong — destroys your life and happiness.

A relationship is a complement to a life well lived. It’s the wine that ties a great meal together; it increases the quality, but isn’t a prerequisite.

Good luck.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE:

I’m turning 21 within a few months, and I have yet to get a guy to even say hi to me without me initiating the conversation first. My three sisters all had boyfriends by the time they were 15. I have yet to even go on a date.

I’m doing everything that I am supposed to: getting out of my comfort zone, talking to people, and trying new things, but nothing is working. I’ve lowered my standards and lowered my expectations, but still nothing. I’m getting so sick and tired of being rejected. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I would like to get a boyfriend by the end of my junior year of college, but if things keep going the way they are, I’ll probably never get a boyfriend and die alone. Help!

Newbie Blues

DEAR NEWBIE BLUES: I can’t tell you what you may or may not be doing wrong with guys, NB, but I can tell you what you’re doing wrong right now: you’re comparing your sisters’ highlight reels to your unedited footage. Trying to compare yourself and your love life to any one else — including your sisters — is a mistake because you are literally not them. You could do exactly every single thing they do, make every decision they made and still not have it work out because you are not them. The only way that you could have their success is for you to go back in time and literally take their place.

You aren’t in a race with anyone; the success other people have or haven’t had has absolutely no bearing on you. The fact that your sisters had boyfriends before you only means that they had boyfriends when they were younger. That’s it. You may notice that they almost certainly aren’t with them now. That’s because the relationships you have at 15 rarely last. Hell, most of the time they barely last to 16.

The other mistake you’re making is that you’re putting yourself on an arbitrary and artificial timeline. And you know what? I get it. I understand that desire to hit some milestone by a particular date. When I got to college, I was determined that I needed to lose my virginity before my sophomore year.

It didn’t happen. All that did happen was that I dated someone I was wildly incompatible with (and not terribly attracted to, to be honest) in hopes of beating that particular buzzer. I was so determined to try to cross what I saw as the most important moment in my life thus far that I functionally said “you’ll do” to the first person who I thought I could score with and then spent the majority of the time pushing hard for sex that she ultimately didn’t want. I, needless to say, did not cover myself in glory during all of this. That relationship (deservedly) fell apart, I went home for the summer and didn’t end up losing my virginity until the next year (which is a different learning experience entirely).

I bring this up because you’re setting yourself up on the same path. By deciding that you need to get a boyfriend by X date, you’re setting yourself up to try to date people who will likely be a poor match for you, simply because you’re trying to shove someone, anyone into the hole marked “boyfriend”. And while I don’t believe that your first time — whether it be your first relationship or your first sexual experience — needs to be this transcendent, magical event… it should be with someone who you actually want for themselves, rather than for what they represent.

What I suggest you do for right now is to stop trying to find a boyfriend. You’ve been trying and trying and trying and it hasn’t been working. So stop trying. Instead, I suggest that you effectively date yourself. By this I mean, stop letting the question of getting a boyfriend be the driving force in your life and simply do things for yourself for a while. Find clothes that make you feel like a million bucks or a sexy badass. Hit the gym, not because you’re trying to get into “beach body” shape or some other horses

t but because it makes you feel good regardless of what shape you have. Take full advantage of everything college has to offer, from cheap travel to various on and off-campus activities and events. Talk with dudes, make friends with them, but don’t stress dating. Spend that time getting to know yourself and treating yourself like a queen and living a life that you love, regardless of whether or not you have a boyfriend.

Because here’s the thing: a partner is not and should not be the foundation of your life, it should be the capstone. Your life should be something that you love and the only thing that could make it better would be finding a guy who’s actually worth sharing it with. And I promise: if you take this path of living an awesome life, getting comfortable with yourself and also being comfortable talking with dudes? You will find guys worth dating will come into your life almost without effort. And — more importantly — they’ll be guys who will actually be right for you instead of looking at someone and saying “you’ll do.”

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: First off, thanks so much for what you provide here. I know it’s centered around dating and relationship advice, but as far as I can tell, it’s just as much about being an actual decent person. I hope you appreciate your work as much as I do.

I suppose the best way to start is to just dive in, so here goes.

My ex recently got engaged. On one level I’m happy for her, or at least I want to be. She’s by all accounts an improbably lovely person and even after splitting, I’d like to know she’s fulfilled, or at the least happy.

Our breakup, though in no way mutual, was amicable. We were a good couple, not of the fantastical “the world has never seen a love like this before” bulls

t variety, but a respectful, mature and compatible one. After nearly 4 years together, I suppose we should be. So needless to say, I was pretty well blindsided when one day she said “I can’t do this anymore.” And shortly afterwards, I found out she moved in with her now fiance. It was pretty devastating.

There have been a lot of unresolved issues for me personally since then. There was never any closure, which is fine in the sense that she didn’t owe me anything, that maybe there was nothing to close off. She said her piece, I respected her choice, and she got in her car and drove off. End scene.

So, I went through the ceremonial mental gymnastics post break to fill in the blanks myself for questions such as:

What was wrong with me?

How did I f

k this up?

Why wasn’t I worth an effort (Seriously, there was no moment where she said there was something she needed or wanted from me, all things seemed fine until she ended it and tipped out)

What if I had fought more for the relationship then?

What if I never meet someone like her again?

What if…and on and on it goes until that bastard of a mental roommate, that inner critic, speaks up and says “Forget it you piece of s

t, just keep swiping right on Bumble until you’ve grown comfortable enough with the understanding that you’re gonna die alone”

Hey, thanks mental dialoguing. Knew I could count on you.

Since, I’ve tried really hard to grow from it. The love and attention I was putting into her, I started putting into relationships I have, like my parents and siblings. Tried new things, whether it’s scuba diving or meditating or dancing (thanks for that tip, ballroom is great). Began getting involved in my community and volunteering again.

I feel that I’ve grown emotionally and understand that in retrospect, despite seemingly checking a lot of boxes, I didn’t put in the work to become more emotionally vulnerable and intimate.

But then this news comes up, and all these questions come flooding back as well as the hurt. I’m wondering if this is the way it’ll be until I meet someone else. Or am I not emotionally fit to be available now? Despite being cool with where I am and who I am, there’s still a void. How long does that last?

Appreciate your time and thanks again for the great work you do,

Picking At The Scab

DEAR PICKING AT THE SCAB: One of the unexpected consequences of our current circumstances is just how much more intense everything feels. We’re all under a great deal of constant pressure — even if we aren’t consciously aware of it in the moment — and that means that means that a lot of our feelings and emotions are much bigger and louder than we’re used to. Even things that might normally not bother us feel immense and hit us in ways that we don’t expect. So it’s not surprising that you’re dealing with some strong and complicated feelings right now. These are normal feelings to have, even under normal circumstances… but these are decidedly not normal.

But that doesn’t mean that you won’t get through this. It’s a matter of understanding why you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling… but also understanding that what you feel isn’t necessarily accurate. Not that your feelings aren’t valid, but that they’re leading you to conclusions that aren’t correct.

Let’s start with this: you aren’t going to get closure from your ex. Please notice very carefully how I phrased that; you’re not going to get closure from her, because closure isn’t something she can give you. The closure you want is something that you’ll have to give to yourself; you have to decide for yourself how things went and why. This can admittedly be tricky; getting to acceptance when you feel like you’ve been rejected or found wanting is difficult. It’s very easy to feel like this was all your fault, especially in your case. When your ex leaves you and seems to leap straight into another relationship, it feels like it couldn’t be anything but a measure of your worth as a man and a partner.

But that’s not always the case.

One of the things that we often don’t think about when it comes to relationships is that relationships aren’t just two people; they’re an entity in and of themselves. People grow and change over time, and so do relationships. The problem is that sometimes relationships grow in directions that aren’t compatible with the people who make up that relationship. This isn’t inherently a bad thing, nor does it mean that someone did anything wrong. Not every relationship is meant to last until death do us part; some relationships are only for a specific time and place, and that’s fine. Short and medium relationships are as valid as long-term ones. They’re just as real, enriching and valuable, even if they don’t end when one or both you die in the saddle.

So part of making your peace with your break-up and getting that closure is recognizing and accepting that you two had a good thing together for while it lasted… and then you reached its natural conclusion. While it’s sad when a relationship ends, that doesn’t mean that it was a failure… or that you failed, for that matter. It just means that you reached the end of that particular story.

This is why the question of “what is wrong with me” or “how did I f

k this up” aren’t helpful or even accurate. Many times, the issue is “nothing” and “you didn’t”. What happened is just life; you and your ex grew and changed and those changes took you in opposing directions. That doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong or that she did. You were on the same path for a while and then your paths diverged. Trying to force those paths to converge again would just be an exercise of futility and frustration. You might be able to make it happen, but it would stunt and damage the relationship and make the resulting end even harder and more painful for everyone involved.

Similarly this means that there often wasn’t anything you could do. You could have fought as hard as you could for that relationship… but fighting wouldn’t necessarily change anything. It’s like trying to change someone’s favorite flavors; you can offer as many variations on other flavors as you want, but it’s not going to make a difference. You can’t control your partner or force her to feel or not feel things. Nor, for that matter, can you shape her life or growth like a bonsai tree, or twist yourself into knots trying to be something you’re not. That’s not a fault in you or a flaw; it’s just that you and she were no longer right for one another. There’s no failure, there’s no good guy or bad guy. As a wise man once said: you can commit no mistakes and still lose. That’s not weakness, that’s life.

The closure you want is to accept that this relationship was for that period of time. It was there and it was great. It ended, but it’s all the sweeter for that. Lingering in that moment only keeps you from moving forward and starting the new chapter in your love life.

The other thing to realize is that no, you’re not going to meet anyone like her. Not because you’re doomed to die alone and unloved, but because nobody else could be her. I know — hoo boy do I know — that it feels like what you want is her but without the whole “doesn’t want to date you”  parts. But you don’t want her because she isn’t right for you any longer. You’re going to move forward and you’ll meet someone (many someones, even) who are right for you and who are compatible with who you are now, in this time and place.

To quote the bard: Her love may have been one in a million, but out of all those hundreds of other thousands of potential lives, they’re plenty that’ll be just as nice. If not better.

All this stings because you feel like your break up was your fault and it wasn’t. Her growth and change wasn’t because of you or despite you. It wasn’t something you could’ve stopped or avoided. It just was.  So while it hurts and deserves to be mourned, it wasn’t your responsibility.

What do you do now? Well, first, you forgive yourself. You forgive yourself for holding onto this pain, for all the little things you think you should’ve done and for the things you didn’t do. Then you make your peace with the end of your relationship. You accept that this relationship came to it’s natural conclusion, take what you’ve learned about life, love and yourself and apply it to your next relationship. Finally, you accept your feelings. Note them, name them and acknowledge them. This is your sadness that the relationship ended, this is your fear that you might not find someone else, this is your feeling rejected by someone you cared about. Acknowledge that you’re feeling them and let them pass, rather than wallowing or using them to punish yourself for sins you didn’t actually commit.

Then, mentally tell your ex goodbye and wish her all the best. She’s your past, and it’s time for you to look forward. Carrying around this pain and self-recrimination is only going to slow you down and make it harder for you to find your future. While you were dating her, you learned a lot about yourself and about love. It’s time to apply those lessons and move into tomorrow.

You’ve got this, Picking at the Scab. You’ll be ok, I promise.

All will be well.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I am a straight man in my mid-twenties who had had absolutely zero dating experience until relatively recently. In part thanks to inspiration from your blog, I started working towards self-improvement and tried putting myself out there more, and I finally began to get a few dates. Eventually, I had my first (and so far only) sexual experience involving another person, which ended badly. I brought a woman back to my place after a second date, and she said yes to sex (I had never done more than make out). I started going down on her, which she seemed to enjoy, but I threw up on her. Quite understandably, she asked me to stop and drive her home. I sent her a text the next day apologizing again for what had happened, but unsurprisingly I never heard from her again.

This incident was a stumbling block in the path of the confidence and momentum I’d been building up, and I haven’t been able to get a date since. Given that I only have this one experience to draw from, I have no idea whether this was a one-time reaction or something likely to recur. On the one hand, it’s possible I simply ate something that didn’t agree with me (I don’t think alcohol is the culprit, by the way, as I’d only had a single drink with dinner). On the other hand, this could easily be something that happens again. I am a picky eater who sometimes gets nauseous from food with off-putting tastes, smells, or textures, so that could be the reason. Her vulva smelled pretty bad to me, and I kept getting pubes stuck on my tongue. Since I have nothing to compare it to, however, I have no idea whether most women would be similar or if I was simply dealing with a case of unusually bad hygiene.

Also, I feel bad saying this, another possible factor is that she was… I wouldn’t say unattractive, but approaching the limit of what I would find physically attractive. She was a nice person, and I try to keep an open mind and not have too high standards for physical appearance, just as I would hope others would do for me. Still, I wonder whether I would have had the same reaction if it were with someone I were more strongly attracted to. Finally, a contributing factor was probably the fact that I was nervous. It was my first time getting naked with someone else, and I had thought I was about to lose my virginity. The irony is not lost on me that if nerves were playing a major role, then that makes me nervous it could happen again, which in turn makes it more likely.

I’m at a loss for how to approach this the next time I find myself about to get sexual with a woman. Presumably, saying “I’ve only done this once before and I puked on her” would send most people running for the hills. However, it also feels unfair to a potential partner to not warn her that I’m concerned that I could vomit on her, since I don’t know which of the aforementioned factors were involved and which ones could arise again. I feel really bad for the last woman and wouldn’t want to put someone else through that. How should I handle this going forward?

Weak Stomach

DEAR WEAK STOMACH: There’s a lot to unpack here, WS but I’m thinking maybe we just toss out the suitcase entirely. But before we get to the part that’s going to lead to a LOT of discussion in the comments section, let’s talk about what happened, first.

I’m sorry your attempt at a first time went catastrophically badly. If it helps, you’re not the only person who’s thrown up during sex. In fact, puking during the act — including during oral sex — is common enough that a quick Google search brings up more “It Happened To Me” essays, forum posts and Reddit comments than I care to think about.

(I don’t recommend actually doing more than a cursory search, by the way. You will see things that will make you wish you could take a melon baller to the portion of your brain that retains such information.)

There’re a lot of reasons why this could’ve happened. The most obvious is nerves; you would hardly be the first person who was so keyed up about the possibility of losing their virginity that you got a queasy stomach and did the technicolor yawn at the worst possible moment. Alcohol probably wouldn’t have helped either. Even if you had only one drink, if you were already on the nauseous side, that could tip things from “ok, unpleasant but I can work through it” to “ooooh that’s not good” when you least expect it.

And then there’s the fact that you have texture and sensory issues when it comes to food. That might also cause problems, especially when combined with other factors.

Now somebody call Sir Mix-A-Lot because there’s a huge “but” coming.

BUT.

You bring up issues regarding the way her vulva smelled and issues with pubic hair… and honestly, I don’t think you realize the size of the rake you’re stepping on here. While I don’t think you intended this, “Wow, vaginas smell BAD” is an old, offensive and honestly sexist trope and joke that’s been around for decades. It’s been fodder for hacky “jokes” that are about as welcome and funny as Andrew Dice Clay’s “dirty nursery rhymes” material. People have been stigmatizing and literally pathologizing women being “not so fresh” since the ’30s, when women were told to use Lysol as a douche for “feminine hygiene”.

No, for real. They used to run ads about it in actual magazines.

Even now, you get dudes — and it’s almost always dudes — who are performatively disgusted or repulsed by the smell of a woman’s vulva. That Google search I mentioned earlier is rife with grown-ass men making comments about “coochie stank”, and they’re about as mature as you would expect.

Now, while it’s possible that there was an actual medical issue that was causing an unusual odor, or she wasn’t rigorous about cleanliness, the odds are much greater that the problem is… well, that this was the first time you’d ever gone down on someone.

The fact of the matter is that bodies have smells and scents; that doesn’t mean that they’re automatically foul or awful. If it’s your first time going down on somebody, then it can be unusual or unexpected. It’s part of the learning curve, something that you get used to as part of the package. Sex is, after all, a full-contact sport that involves a host of body parts, secretions, fluids and scents. That’s part of what’s going to happen. And it’s not just vulvas that have an odor. Balls are gonna have their own smell, especially if it’s been warm and they’ve been sweating. Uncircumcised penises, likewise, tend to have their own scent; having foreskin increases odds of odor-producing bacteria. You learn to roll with it and — as many folks do — learn to appreciate it as part of the smell of sex.

Yes, it may sound weird or off-putting to describe body odors as something you get used to or even “an acquired taste”, but it’s honestly not different from other unusual scents or flavors. Most folks don’t like the taste of beer or alcohol the first time they encounter it. The smell of certain flowers, shellfish, food or fruit can seem weird when you’ve never encountered it before… but it quickly becomes something that people are used to or even enjoy.

Similarly, minor inconveniences happen during sex as well, because real sex doesn’t look like porn. Someone farts at an inappropriate moment. Somebody drops the lube and now the bed is a slip-and-slide. Limbs cramp up, somebody leans on someone else’s hair, one person moves into a position that ends up being incredibly uncomfortable… and yes, performing oral sex on someone — regardless of genitals — means that occasionally you’re going to get a pubic hair going astray. Part of being a good lover is learning how to roll with the little things without freaking out or letting it interrupt the proceedings. Anyone who’s gone down on someone with public hair has dealt with getting a loose hair in the wrong spot. The typical response is to pause for a second to spit it out or wipe it away before diving back in. Unless it’s actually hitting the soft palate or the back of your throat and making you gag, this takes less time to perform than it does to type it out.

Then there’s this part:

“Also, I feel bad saying this, another possible factor is that she was… I wouldn’t say unattractive, but approaching the limit of what I would find physically attractive.”

Part of what often gets people over the hump (as it were) of novel or unexpected issues during sex — especially the first time you do something — is that you’re turned on as hell by the act(s) and the person you’re doing them with. It sounds to me that, on top of nerves, alcohol and sensory issues, you weren’t actually attracted to the person you were hooking up with. The way you hedge your description makes me think you’re being a little generous; it sounds a lot like you really weren’t attracted to her and going along with it because, well, it meant you had a chance to hook up. If you were already having questions as to whether you actually wanted to go through with this with her specifically… well, that’s going to make it that much harder to push past other issues or be able to laugh off the slings and arrows that flesh is heir to during sex.

All of which leads me to “So… what do I do next time?”

First of all: you don’t need to tell people “hey, just FYI, sex makes me puke,” nor do you need to say “Yeah, I only kinda did this once and also I vomited all over the vagoo”. It’s understandable that you’re worried about it — you had a profoundly embarrassing and somewhat traumatic experience — but you don’t have reason to believe that this was anything other than a perfect storm of bad luck. Leading with “hey, I puke during sex” not only is going to chase away everyone except fans of Roman showers but also sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ll be so wound up and worried that you’ll give yourself a nervous stomach.

Instead, it’s better to simply acknowledge two things: this is your first time and you’re nervous. Neither of these are things to be ashamed of; in fact, many women will find it charming. The fact that you can be candid about being a bundle of nerves is more likely to make you seem adorable, and any partner worth sleeping with will want to help ease you into things. If she knows that you’re so keyed up that you’re about to vibrate straight into the Speed Force, she’ll know to take things easy with you.

Which actually brings us to the second tip: Slow your roll. Part of what will help you avoid the mistakes of your previous experience is to go at a pace you’re comfortable with. Trying to round the bases (as it were) all at once and fit all of the sexual experiences you haven’t had into one encounter is a recipe for a less-than-satisfying first time. Trying to do everything at once means you don’t have the opportunity to give any of it the attention it deserves. The first time you go down on someone — or have someone go down on you — for example, doesn’t need to be the same time you have penetrative sex for the first time. Instead, by taking things slowly and in stages, you’re in a better position to get to know yourself and your partner. You’re better able to appreciate all the sensations and give attention to both performing and receiving.

Not to mention, if you’re taking things slow, you have more of an opportunity to press pause on the proceedings if you are having a bit of a rumbly in the tumbly. When you don’t feel like “the deed must be done NOW, it must be done TONIGHT or else NEVER AGAIN”, then it’s easy to say “hey, I need a minute,” and getting a glass of water or taking a second to breathe without feeling like your window of opportunity is closing forever.

Plus, by not treating any one encounter as a make-or-break moment, you’re removing the pressure to perform. Instead of having to do everything right, you’re able to just be in the moment. You and your partner can take your time and just enjoy rolling around with someone you’re into, without the pressure of having to make it this epic, historic thing.

Which, incidentally, leads me to tip number three: don’t “settle”.

While I’m not a believer that somebody’s first time has to be “special” or “mean something”, I do believe that if you’re going to lose your virginity, it should be with someone you want to sleep with. By putting the emphasis on the act instead of the person, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. This doesn’t mean that it needs to be someone you love or someone important to you, but just someone you actually, actively want to bang. F

king someone just to lose your virginity and they’re the least objectionable option isn’t going to be a tragedy of epic proportions… but it ain’t gonna be that good either. If you’re gonna do it, it should be with someone worth doing.

And like I said: when you’re into somebody and they’re into you, it’s much easier to get past all the minor things. The desire to be with them, specifically, makes up for a lot of inconveniences. Not only are you going to be more focused on them, but you’ll be motivated to push past the little wibbles and wobbles because hey, it’s THEM and you’re not going to let yourself be distracted.

It absolutely sucks that you had this awful first experience. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to nausea every time the pants come off. Take things slow, be in the moment and be with someone you want to be with. You’ll be ok. I promise.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com