DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: My boyfriend and I have been together several years and we’ve experimented in lots of things sexually as he was more experienced than I was.

I really want to do some of the things he has done, such as threesomes with guys and girls, but he doesn’t want to since we are in a committed relationship and have talked about one day getting married and having a family. He thinks it will tear us apart and we will lose love/respect for one another. I want to try out these different things before I settle down. I’m not sure what to do. I feel as though he got to experience all the fantasies he wanted before he met me, so why cant I experience my fantasies before we marry and start our family together?

He even gets turned on during sex if I talk about being with other guys and girls ….. why cant we actually do it? 

– Frustrated Female

DEAR FRUSTRATED FEMALE: Before I get into the specifics of your situation, FF, there’s a point that needs to be stated: nobody gets everything they want in a relationship. Every relationship means compromise between what you want and what you get. Presumably what you get is so awesome that you’re willing to forgo what you don’t get as the price of entry into the relationship. It may well be that the price of entry into this relationship is that he’s not into opening things up or having threesomes if he’s just not into that. At that point, you have to decide whether the prospect of these thrills are more important to you than your relationship with him.

One of the things that may make a difference is in whether you’re looking to have some of these adventures with him or whether you’re looking to get a permission slip to sleep with other people.

It’s possible your boyfriend has done some of these things and while they’re the sort of thing guys are supposed to like (because all men are supposed to want threesomes, donchaknow) he had some bad experiences and doesn’t want to risk having something equally bad with you.

It may well be that he doesn’t want to open things up, if that’s what you’re asking for. Non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, even for people who’ve sowed their share of wild oats. Just because someone had a sexually adventurous past doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re up for an open relationship with a committed partner

It could also be that we’re dealing with your garden variety Madonna/Whore complex. It’s one thing for him to have all these wild crazy adventures; guys are “supposed” to be want crazy sex. Women – or so goes the dominant cultural narrative – are supposed to be more innocent, more pure. He – like many other men – may have a hang-up about the idea that women are sexual beings too.

I don’t know the guy, you do. You’ll have to make that call for yourself.

So what do you do? Well, you need to use your words and to advocate for your own pleasure. You need to sit him down and explain to him that you have these fantasies and desires – ones that you know excite him too – and that you want to explore them.You want him to realize that women in general and you in particular have just as much of an appetite for crazy wild sex as men do.

What may help seal the deal is your being interested in exploring them with him. What may be acceptable in fantasy – picturing you with other men or women – may not work in real life for him. Being part of that fantasy, however, could make all the difference. The more he gets used to the idea of the both of you having these sexy adventures together, the more likely he’ll be willing to consider making the fantasy a reality.

As it is: you’re already talking him through the fantasy while you’re having sex, so take it to the next level. Describe the imaginary scenario as though it were happening right then and there. Make that part of your sexplay. See whether making things more vivid helps – both for the sex you’re having with your boyfriend and opening him up to more possibilities.

But either way: you have to be willing to accept the possibility that he’s simply not up for any of these potential fantasies of yours and then you have to make a decision…

Now with that having been said, I want to point out two things. The first is the way you phrase things: have your fun before you marry and settle down. I think you’ve absorbed a little of the sex-negativity that says that marriage is the end of sexual adventure… and it really isn’t. There’s no reason why putting a ring on it should be the end of your wild sexy times – if anything you should have even greater trust and affection for one another, which makes trying out new things possible. Trying new things and keeping the sex exciting is part of how you keep the spark alive in a relationship, and sexual satisfaction is part of the secret to a successful long-term marriage.

The other is that I’m a cynic and your boyfriend’s attitude is making my Spidey-sense tingle. Frequently when a man says he’s worried that the two of you will lose love or respect for one another, he really means that he’s afraid he’ll lose love and respect for you. It may well be that he means that he couldn’t handle the jealousy side of non-monogamy… or it could very well mean that knowing about (or even participating in) your own sexual adventures will mean he won’t be able to see you as being as pure or good. Regardless, it may be worth talking to a sex-positive relationship counselor before moving forward towards marriage.

Good luck.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: As a junior in high-school I face a problem, I always seem to be tired. Most days I never truly wake up, instead I just become gradually less tired after getting up, until my fourth hour class where it goes back downhill. By the end of the school day talking is a chore, my eyes are heavy, and I’m exhausted. However most of that changes at night when I’m either with my friends or at some school event (currently quizbowl). It is almost like I’m a different person at night. During the day I’m almost stoic out of weariness, less than excitable, and a little slow with reaction. During night though I actually feel awake, conversation is much easier, emotion is less of a hassle, I feel fun, I am the person I want to be during the day.

My diet is average, I eat breakfast, I’m not specifically unhealthy, and my grades are great. However I do not exercise regularly (I weigh about 130 pounds at five feet eight inches) and my sleep schedule is a little iffy. At usually six or seven hours of sleep I get what I can, however it is hard to reach eight. Medically wise I’ve taken Adderall since the age of eight, however this problem only really started during my freshmen year. There is also a history of disorders like depression and insomnia in my family, however I have neither.

With all of this in mind do you have any advice? Could it just be a mix of my introverted qualities and a lack of sleep? Or do you think I should probably make some life style changes?

Either way I know I need help, I want to be able to go through the day without it being a chore, I want to fully experience life.

Tired Eyes

DEAR TIRED EYES: Basically, TE, you’re not getting enough sleep. Most teenagers aren’t, frankly. And this isn’t necessarily your fault. The National Sleep Foundation recommend that teenagers get somewhere around nine to nine and a half hours of sleep per night. However, more than 58% are getting around six or seven. The culprit are the schools themselves. With the median school starting time of 8 AM, most students are having to get up far earlier than they should be… and going to bed early isn’t necessarily an option. Because of the way that the human brain develops, you and other adolescents don’t process melatonin at the same rate as adults, which affects when you actually get tired.

For all intents and purposes, you’ve been undergoing serious sleep-deprivation for 9 months out of the year and if you’re an introvert, it’s sapping your already limited social energy at an increased rate. Small wonder you feel like ten pounds of ass in a five pound sack during the day.

The question then becomes: so what do you do about this? Unfortunately, unless your school is especially progressive, it’s not likely that they’re going to move classes back an hour to let the students get the sleep they need. You’re going to have to work to adapt yourself to your circumstances unfortunately.

So here’re some suggestions to help even things out.

First: be careful with your caffeine intake. I know it’s tempting to get something to wake your ass up in the morning – God knows I’m inhuman until I’ve had my morning coffee – but excess caffeine consumption can completely throw off your sleep schedule. Try to keep any caffeinated beverages to the morning and noon and avoid drinking any after 3 PM.

Second: get regular exercise. Exercising helps increase your energy levels over time and improves your cardiovascular health, which in turn will help you sleep at night. It’s also just a damn good habit to get into while you’re young; trust me, it’ll pay off immensely over your lifetime.

Third: eat as clean as possible – meaning avoid processed foods, especially junk food and candy. Most processed foods have artificially high levels of sugar, salt and fat in order to get you literally addicted to them and the excess crap will cause your blood sugar levels to crash, leaving you feeling sluggish, fatigued and irritable. The best foods you can eat are complex carbs (leafy green vegetables, fibrous fruits like oranges and apples, sprouted grain breads etc) and lean proteins. This is especially important in the morning; the sugar in most cereals will give you a sugar crash before 2nd period is over. This is also a good habit to get into while you’re young.

Fourth: Cut off the electronics at night. In this increasingly connected world, we tend to bring our tablets, smartphones, even our laptops into bed with us. This is a mistake that’s utterly screwing our ability to get a good night’s sleep; the blue light from electronic screens (including your television, by the way) disrupts melatonin production which you need for healthy sleep cycles. Ideally, you want to shut off anything with a light-projecting screen at least two to three hours before bedtime. During the day, however, you want as much direct exposure to bright sunlight as possible; it’s part of how your body creates vitamin D and encourages melatonin production.

Fifth: Keep as regular a sleeping schedule as possible. Going to bed at 10 one night, midnight the next, and 11 the night after screws up your circadian rhythms and makes it harder for you to actually get to sleep. Keeping to a specific bedtime helps keep you on an even keel.

Now there’re a couple tips and tricks that may help when it comes to getting to sleep and waking up. You’ll want to talk to your doctor first (Dr. NerdLove is not any sort of medical professional), but Benadryl makes an excellent sleep-aid. It’s non-habit forming, it’s virtually impossible to OD on and it’s available over the counter. I’ve found melatonin supplements also help with sleep, although once again: talk to your doctor.

For an early boost, you may want to consider a blue-light lamp; that same blue light which disrupts your sleep patterns at night can give you a much-needed energy surge in the morning. 15 minutes can help you feel much more awake and ready to… if not attack the day, not sleep-walk through it.

Also, if you have a study period or other point during the day when you can get some time to yourself, try a caffeine nap. Chug down a cup of coffee or soda, then take a 20 minute (no longer) nap. Not only will that 20 minutes ensure that you get a full sleep-cycle – waking up mid-cycle disrupts your circadian rhythms and leaves you groggy and tired – but you’ll be waking up just as the caffeine hits your brain.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’m a 34 year old male. I’ve never kissed, sex, relationship, etc… I don’t mind discussing this with people I know. I feel like because I’m too open about my situation people think I’m looking for self pity. I don’t really, I just want them to know about my situation so it’s not awkward when it comes up later in time. I’m not embarrassed, but I know that some people look at as a red flag… especially women. So my question is : Is my openness about my situation really a red flag/dealbreaker? I’m not good with secrets. I also think I use it as an excuse when I get the vibe they don’t understand me.

Too Much Information?

DEAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION: The question you’re asking isn’t necessarily the question you think you’re asking, TMI.

I’ve talked a lot about the bulls

t shame that men get about virginity and sexual inexperience and how that ties into toxic definitions of masculinity and how experience or inexperience isn’t something to be ashamed of. That being said: much like people who misuse the term sex-positive means (or misunderstand what it means), there’s a difference between not being ashamed and inappropriate sharing.

See, one of the things that we look for in friends and partners is emotional and social intelligence – whether they understand social rules, know when it’s appropriate to discuss things and when it isn’t and – critically – what information people don’t necessarily need to know. People who don’t conform to the expected social rules make us uncomfortable; sometimes it’s simply a matter of informing us of things that we don’t want to know, other times it’s a question of “if they don’t get this rule, what other, more important rules do they not get?” So when you’re sharing incredibly personal things about yourself – such as being an older virgin – the question isn’t always about what you’re sharing but when.

If you’re just blurting this information out during the “getting to know you” phase of a date or interacting with your co-workers… well, that’s generally not the right time. You’re telling people far more about yourself than they want to know, never mind need to, and usually at a time when it’s not socially appropriate. If you’re talking about sex or past relationships, that’s one thing. If you’re just dropping this truth-bomb in the middle of a conversation, a “Just FYI, I’ve never had someone else touch my penis. So about those mid-term elections…”, well that’s just going to be weird.

There’s also the question of how much of this you’re sharing. Not everyone needs to get the full disclosure about your sexual history (or lack thereof). You’re not giving a deposition, you’re having a conversation. You can just leave it as “yeah, I haven’t dated much” or “I’ve never had a serious girlfriend/boyfriend”; most of the time that’s all anyone wants to know. If they want to know more, they’ll ask and then you can go into more detail. When and if someone should know more – such as when you’re about to get busy – then you can tell them more. But even then, a simple “just so you know, I’ve never done this before,” tends to work better than a sudden and unexpected download about the hows and whys of your sexual history.

And as always: how you talk about it is important. People will follow your lead when you talk about yourself. If you’re revealing that you’re inexperienced like it’s a giant flaw, then people will respond like it’s a giant personal flaw. If you roll it out like it’s no big deal, it’s just part of who you are, then they’ll treat it like it’s no big deal. And if they do get weird about it… well that tells you a lot about them, doesn’t it? If someone sees your experience or lack thereof as a deal-breaker, then that’s their problem and they’ve just self-selected as someone you wouldn’t want to date anyway.

Good luck.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’d love it if you could shed some light on my situation, you always make sense and I appreciate how much you take lots of angles and even a meta-perspective into account usually. I’m a young woman in my mid twenties. I have a fulfilling life: lots of hobbies and interests, a good career, I’m always on the lookout to travel, I have moved to different cities because of studies/jobs a lot while maintaining close relationships with my family and friends, I love to learn and think about new stuff all the time. I’m a bit of a free spirit and I identify as polyamourous. (I can cite some passages from “the ethical slut” and other literature on the subject by heart and have internalized and lived by its values). I’ve had an open relationship in the past, where I had one “boyfriend” and 1-2 “mini-relationships”. My boyfriend had the occasional “extra-curricular activity”. It worked for us that way, things ended a year ago for reasons that had nothing to do with being open/poly.

Now “the problem”: a few months ago I met a guy who is a few years younger and we hit it off right away: we love talking about the same topics, we both love to travel, we have heaps of fun together, we just vibe very well. One drunk night we landed it bed together and, you can guess it, had sex. A week later, I discovered that I took his virginity that night, without knowing it at the time of the act. We talked about how I felt bad because it wouldn’t have happened like that if I had known that beforehand. He said he had no regrets and didn’t want to say anything because he thought it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. (He has a point there, but I still feel taken advantage of and like I took advantage of him at the same time as well). We then had the “what are we talk”. It was clear to him from the get-go that I am poly and that we could build a loving friendship but without being exclusive. He understood, asked the right questions, we talked about “the rules”. Everything is still going fantastic in the 2 months we’ve been together now. We still vibe well, enjoy our time together (even though we live 100 miles apart), talk about feelings/issues, he buys me gifts, we do fun trips, he introduced me to his friends and family (I didn’t introduce him to family because that’s not something I do). Even though I am his first girlfriend, he just gets everything right about communication etc., which just proves again what a great human being he is.

And that is my “problem”: it is going so well, that I am confused. He makes me want all those mundane, typical societal things I’ve looked down on for so long: suddenly I’d like to settle in something typical and exclusive and couple-y – even though that is in direct conflict with everything I have believed in and stood for in the past and have defended with reason and fire against nay-sayers about open relationships.

Please help:

– should I go against my nature and try being exclusive? How do I even bring that up, after it took a lot of conversation to explain polygamy to him in the first place? Is he even going to want monogamy, perhaps he likes me that much because of my poly-nature?

– will it affect our relationship for the worse? maybe it goes so well because we only see each other sporadically (because of the distance)?

– sometimes I feel like I am using him because I am older and more experienced in the sexual and relationship department – any thoughts on that? Is being poly with someone like that even fair? Can he really make a good estimation on the topic if he never had a girlfriend before?

Please help – suddenly everything I was so sure of isn’t that sure anymore. My thoughts need some structure.

Cheerfully Confused

DEAR CHEERFULLY CONFUSED: I think you’re making things more complicated than they need to be, CC.

Here’s the wonderful thing about people: they’re complicated and complex. We lay down these rules and labels, many of which are absolutely arbitrary, and then freak out when we realize that they’re not perfectly universal. We grow and change and find people who push us out of our comfort zones and into worlds that we never thought would apply to us and then we get scared because suddenly everything is different. The problem is when we tense up and try to force things into ill-fitting labels and rules instead of just going with the flow and seeing where things take us.

Right now you’ve got a boyfriend who’s making you think all kinds of thoughts that are contrary to how you’ve defined yourself. You’ve always been poly and now you’re thinking about being exclusive… ok, and? You’re allowed to try different relationship formats as long as your partner or partners are down with it. Maybe you’re in a more monogamous period of your life. Maybe this particular relationship with this particular guy is just an exception to your general rules. Or maybe this is just a temporary thing and it will pass as your relationship grows and matures. The key is to not freak out about it. This doesn’t mean that you were wrong to be poly or that there’s something more “correct” about monogamy… it just means this is where you are right now. If you’re down with giving exclusivity a shot, then hell, go for it. You and your partner or partners have the right to set the rules of your relationship as you see fit.

(That being said, experimenting with exclusivity for the first time in a long-distance relationship makes an already difficult relationship even more difficult, so be prepared.)

It’s admirable that you’re concerned about using him or leveraging his inexperience against him, and that’s a sign that you’re a good, ethical and caring lover. Users and abusers don’t concern themselves with such questions. You should keep in mind that no relationship is going to be perfectly balanced and egalitarian. There’s always going to be one partner who has more experience than the other. Nobody is going to have the exact same history or experiences as their lovers; that’s just how the world is. The key is not using that differential as a weapon, and believe me, the less-experienced partner is just as capable of wielding that whip as the more experienced one. Don’t assume that just because he hasn’t seen or done as much as you have that he’s incapable of making decisions for himself. He’s a big boy and he’s perfectly qualified to decide what sort of relationship he wants to try.

The way that you make things work – as is true in every relationship – is communication, communication, communication. As I’m always telling people, the answers to most relationship difficulties is to use your words. Every relationship is an ongoing conversation, after all.

Case in point: the poly vs. monogamy question You’ve talked about being poly before and what it means, so now talk about monogamy. Explain how you’re feeling and ask how he feels about it. If you’re both into the idea, then have a discussion about how you both see it working and what the rules should be. Perhaps you would want to treat this as a timed trial – see how monogamy works for a couple months and then revisit the question. Perhaps you’d want to try a semi-monogamous commitment; some activities such as penetrative sex are off the table but other things are permitted.

Just don’t spend the emotional and mental bandwidth looking for reasons why things are about to go wrong. The worst thing you can do in a happy relationship is waste it waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you’re borrowing trouble from the future, you make it impossible to enjoy the now.

Keep those lines of communication open with your guy and don’t sweat the labels. Your relationship can be whatever you two decide it is.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I grew up in a religious household, one that strongly believed in the idea of no sex before marriage. I had chosen to remain a virgin until marriage, but wound up losing it anyway. This upset me pretty badly, made worse when my family found out. I’ve since had more experience (always feeling guilty), had in toxic relationships that I stayed in only to validate the activity. It’s been a long struggle, but I’ve become comfortable with myself and who I am and want to be, especially sexually.

I am now dating someone in my own faith and assumed I would wind up returning to my original choice to wait, especially since he was a virgin. As you may guess, this did not happen, but I find that this time, I’m actually comfortable with the result and enjoying myself and him in a way I never did before. I’m still having one problem, though. He is aware of my sexual history before him and, while he’s never said or even implied anything derogatory, I still feel embarrassed and ashamed at anything that hints at my past. I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I know what I’m doing and with telling him what I like. Half the time, I find myself laughing uncontrollably while I try to spit the words out, but mostly I just want to curl in on myself. I’m almost there, but can you help me cross that final barrier to being a confident sexual being?

– No Longer Waiting

DEAR NO LONGER WAITING: Your letter nicely illustrates one of the biggest injuries that our sex-negative culture inflicts on people – women especially.

Now I’ll be the first to say that people are welcome to take sex at their own pace and wait until they’re ready, willing and able. That being said, my personal opinion is that waiting until marriage isn’t a good idea; sexual compatibility is an incredibly important part of a relationship and one’s wedding night is a very bad time to find out that the two of you have entirely different ideas about sex. I think that this attitude robs people of the opportunity to explore their own sexuality and get to know just what they want, how often they want it, how they need to get off and what they will or won’t consider when it comes to indulging a partner’s fantasies.

Just as importantly however, is that it perpetuates the commodity model of sex – that a woman’s worth is based on the amount of sex she DOESN’T have – and perpetuates the Madonna/Whore view of women. And that’s where the damage really starts to sink in. It’s bad enough when guys internalize the idea that women who’ve had lots of sex have something fundamentally wrong with them. For women, though, that attitude not only damages their psyches, but their lives.

Bad enough that you lost your virginity in a way that - from the sounds of it – was not the way that you wanted. Even more so that your family got involved – evidently blaming you, because of COURSE women have to police men’s sexuality (ugh).

But it was this line in your letter NLW really leapt out at me:  

“I’ve since had more experience (always feeling guilty), had in toxic relationships that I stayed in only to validate the activity.” 

That, unfortunately, is an incredibly common story, especially among women I’ve known who’ve come from backgrounds similar to yours. One of the side-effects of the sex-negative culture in America – the wackos who insist that women should be virgins until marriage and have no sexual autonomy – is that it promotes the idea that “if he puts his dick in you, he owns you for life.” There’s an implied sense of obligation to stay now because – as Elizabeth Smart articulated brilliantly – you’ve been taught that you’re worthless and nobody is going to want you now. I’ve got very good friends who, like you, stayed in toxic, even abusive relationships because they were taught that sex was dirty and shameful unless it gets the holy stamp of Church and State approval; leaving the relationship would only mean that they’d done something wrong in the eyes of God and man.

So, yeah. I’ve kinda got a beef with the people who teach sexual shame and trades on ignorance, fear and negativity, especially in the name of a caring and loving god. The damage they do is farther reaching than I think anyone realizes.

Case in point: you’ve had a long and difficult struggle with coming to terms with your sexuality and being willing to take ownership of your life… and frankly you should be applauded. This is an incredible testimony to your strength and perseverance and your determination to push past the bulls

hole voice in the back of your head that whispers “Don’t forget, you’re slut and nobody can possibly love you. If he knew what you were REALLY like he’d be disgusted.”

This is what’s known as an “extinction burst”. Because you’re getting close to overcoming this old programming, there’s a part of your brain – the part that absorbed all of these lessons – that says “wait, if I don’t do something, this is going to go away” and suddenly it floods you with feelings of shame and remorse. It’s the emotional equivalent of someone on a diet who suddenly goes on a binge of crappy food. The difference is that while breaking the diet is based on a physical reward system – your body’s used to the high it gets from carbs and sugar and fat – the other is psychological. You’ve been brought up to believe that questioning your beliefs were wrong and that any deviation from these strict teachings means you’re a horrible person who deserves to be punished. Now that you’re starting to step away from those beliefs – you have your faith, but you no longer believe in their dictates regarding sex – that little part that’s supposed to keep you from breaking away is firing up and trying to bring you back into the fold.

It’s also complete bulls

t that people tried to instill in you. It’s awesome that you’ve come to a place where you can actually enjoy your sexuality like you should and be comfortable with yourself. You should be proud of yourself and your progress… and most importantly, you should NOT be embarrassed by your past.

Those last niggling doubts and feelings of shame are the last little tendrils of the utter crap you were taught, holding on for dear life around your brain, and it can be hard to extract them. In fact, your brain will actually fight against it at times, even though you know intellectually that it’s wrong. It is very difficult to break old patterns and habits, even when you understand that they’re bad for you. You may notice that these feelings crop up hardest when you feel like you’re about to make a breakthrough – just when you’re starting to truly feel like you’ve come into your own, suddenly there’s that little a

t.

The fact that you have a sexual past is inherently neutral. You’re not a bad person because you’ve had sex; the only bad parts were the ways that you were hurt in the process. The fact that you know what you like sexually and want to to tell him? This is unquestionably a good thing. In fact, this is an unbelievably desirable asset in a sex partner, especially when the other is relatively inexperienced. Let’s look at it from another angle: your boyfriend has somebody confident, caring and patient, who wants to teach him how to please a woman instead of letting him fumble his way, learning all the wrong lessons and getting frustrated in the process. Who wouldn’t want that in a partner, especially their first? 

This is what your jerk-brain is trying to deny you. It’s trying to take a strength – your hard-won experience – and turn it into a weakness. And you shouldn’t let it.

By all accounts, it seems like your boyfriend’s a cool person who’s not judging you by your number. You care for him and trust him… so take “yes” for an answer when he’s giving you every indication that he’s not intimidated by your past. And if he – or any guy you may date in the future – has a problem with the fact that you’ve had sex before… well, that’s THEIR problem to overcome, not yours. A guy who can’t handle the fact that his girlfriend or wife has a sexual past can hand back his man-card; he’s not a man, he’s a boy and he’s got some growing up to do.

I’m not a big believer in affirmations, but whenever you have that voice from you jerk-brain piping up, remind yourself that you’re strong, that you’re desirable and that you deserve the sex you want and anyone who says otherwise is cordially invited to go f

k themselves. Your past – as painful as it was – has lead you to who you are today, and from the sounds of it, that’s a pretty amazing place. And that past includes the people you’ve slept with. It’s molded you. It’s shaped you, it’s tempered you and tested you and you’ve come out stronger and better for it.

Nobody can take that from you if you don’t let them.

Enjoy the sex you’re having with your boyfriend. Revel in it. Teach him how to pleasure you in all the ways you enjoy. Take pride in where you are and what it’s taken to get you there and reap the rewards of being a sexually confident woman. There’s nothing to be ashamed of; there are only small-minded chucklef

ks who’ve tried to convince you otherwise. And you’re stronger than they are.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)