DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I just recently turned 27, and have yet to have an actual relationship. I often worry that the place I’m currently at in life makes me undateable: I just transferred from a community college to a university, and I still have a couple of years of undergrad to go.

I worry that I’m too old for the women at the university. They are all in their very early 20s, and as such, I feel like I am inherently determined to be creepy and to have made terrible life decisions simply because I’m older than all the “normal” students. (It’s not even just the women in that aspect, I feel like everyone’s eyes are on me because of it.)

Because of my situation, paying for university, while also paying for a car, working at a retail customer service job (even working full-time hours), I have not been able to afford to move out of my parents’ house. (The school is only about 20 miles away so I commute.) It’s not like I’m the stereotypical lazy moocher living in the basement: I do a lot of work around the house, and I keep my space of the house very clean as well. But because of this, I feel like all the women who have already graduated college will not want anything to do with me either, being past the point of tolerating men who are in college and/or do not have real jobs and homes of their own.

I feel like I’m the only one who’s in this position most of the time, and it leaves me feeling rather isolated. Is there hope for me with any demographic? Or should I not even bother trying until I’ve graduated and found a real job and a place of my own?

Delayed Adult

DEAR DELAYED ADULT: First of all, you’re only five to six years older than the average college student. That’s not an insurmountable – or even terribly unusual – difference in ages. Hell, if you go by the cliched guideline of “half your age + 7”, then you’re firmly within the boundaries of acceptability. When I was in college, there was a wide range of ages – most of my peers were around my age, but there were many, many people in class who ranged from their late 20s to their mid-40s and nobody thought twice about it. Some folks get a later start than others, some get into college late after military service, others were only able to wrangle the finances to go later in life.

The awkwardness you’re feeling? It’s mostly in your head. I say mostly because yes, there will be some judgmental pricks who think that anyone over the age of 25 is ancient and wonder what you’re doing there. That’s all well and good – they’re a—-holes, and you wouldn’t want to date them in the first place. They’re doing you a favor by self-selecting out of your dating pool. Pay them no mind because ultimately they’re irrelevant to your life. Being creepy is about behavior, not life circumstance. If you’re not acting like Humbert Humbert around your younger female classmates and socialize with them like you would anybody else, then you’ll be fine.

Don’t forget: the economy is still in the crapper, housing is scarce and expensive and everyone’s overloaded with debt. There are lots of people who have to live with their parents even after they feel like they shouldn’t. Hell, all things considered, what you’re doing is pretty damn impressive. You’re paying for school AND a car while working full time in a customer service job? All of that is a testament to your ability to prioritize and get sh-t done.

Now I’m not saying that it’s going to be easy, but it’s not the hopeless case you’re picturing. Everything is in how you present it. If you’re going to carry yourself as some hyper-developed man-child who can’t hack it in the real world then of course people are going to not respond well. If you present yourself as somebody in a tough situation who’s doing the hard work and making the sacrifices to get out of it? That’s another thing entirely.

So you live with your parents: big goddamn deal, that’s a temporary necessity so you can pay for your education. You’re working retail – ok, but not only are you paying for school and a car, you’re showing that you’ve got ambition. You’re not coasting through life in some prolonged pseudo-adolescence, you’re busting your ass to make the most out of yourself. That’s something to be admired. If people can’t respect that, then forget them, you’re better off without them.

I do think you’ll find in trying to date amongst your fellow students is trying to find someone you can relate to. When I was in my late 20s, I had a hard time dating anyone younger than 24;  past that, we were simply at such different points in our lives and had different priorities and cultural reference points that it really wasn’t going to work out beyond the very short term. But there will be people who are more mature and who aren’t living the life of the stereotypical college student. Those will be the ones you have the most compatibility with. There will also be plenty of women outside of your classmates; consider meeting up with some of them.

Just remember that other people are going to take their cues from you. If you come across as confident and that it’s no big deal, then they’ll respond the same way.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE:  I’m a recent fan of your website, I believe the direct approach you normally use is excellent for those of us that drift among decisions.

Speaking of which, I hope to receive a piece of advice from you. I’m a 30 years old single man living in Mexico City. I still live in my parents’ house, I have a steady income and a steady job, but I have plenty of difficulties with the socializing and meeting new people areas, especially women.

 So far I’ve only had one serious relationship (in my college years, 8 years ago approximately, it lasted a couple years) and a few flings, but nothing serious. The thing is, I have recently resumed my friendship with my longtime high school crush, only to discover that I still have feelings for her (or at least that’s what I believe).

 She’s also a 30 year old woman, divorced, with an 8 year old son and a boyfriend/concubine that lives with her at her house. She has financial issues, and she’s also the only income in the house. Her boyfriend is like another child in the household, and of course she’s having problems with her former husband. As I was saying, we have recently resumed contact, we support each other, and I lend her money when she needs it, we talk about life, and I still have feelings for her, I can’t help feeling a strong attraction. Recently we talked about life and love and things like that, and I asked her  if she would consider date me if the circumstances were different, she said yes, but it was not a definite answer, it was more of an ambiguous thing.

 She also said that she will draw the line, and if her boyfriend doesn’t get a job in the next few months, she will kick him out of the house (which not necessarily means the end of the relationship). Also, I should mention I heard this thing before, and nothing ever happens. He doesn’t want to, or can’t get a job, and she doesn’t kick him out.  At the end of the conversation, she offered to introduce me a single friend of her, and that thing caught me off guard.

 I don’t know what to think or do in this point. I’m not so naive to think that she’ll realize everything I’m doing for her and eventually run into my arms, that would be simply stupid.

 The thing is that I feel this situation is overwhelming, I´m 30, single and still living with my parents. Meanwhile all my friends are either getting married or having babies (or both like my best friend’s case) , the peer pressure is terrible.

 I should also mention that I have no problem with her single mom status,  I believe I’m mature enough to handle a relationship with a kid involved. Of course, I wouldn’t mention it to my parents immediately, but I believe I’m mature enough to handle the situation if necessary.

 I would lend a hand financially speaking if necessary, that means no problem to me.

 I don’t know what to do. 

 Either I come clean and tell her how I feel (with the risk that she won’t talk to me or see me again) or I ignore my feelings for her, then move on and accept the blind date with her friend (as an action that will symbolize my defeat with her and my “moving on” attitude).  I don’t want to lose what I have with her right now, but I know that it is simply not enough for me. But then again I prefer a friendship, over not seeing her ever again.

 Help me Dr. NerdLove, you’re my only hope.

Prince Charming To the Rescue

DEAR PRINCE CHARMING TO THE RESCUE: Hoo boy.

Let’s start with the most immediate of questions: the possibility of a relationship with this friend of yours. This is what I would tell you if she wasn’t your long-term crush and just someone you were starting to flirt with and things were going well:

Don’t do it. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t do it. This is a train-wreck waiting to happen. It’s already a complicated situation with her being a single mother and you having virtually no dating experience at all. Dating a single parent isn’t something to be entered into lightly; not only does she have her own life to consider, she has to consider what’s best for her child. She will always have obligations and responsibilities that by necessity will take precedence over you. And should things be even remotely serious – as you’re hoping for – you’re not going to just be involved in her life but in her child’s as well. You are, in effect, going to be having to negotiate two relationships for the price of one; this can be tricky under the best of circumstances, and doubly so when you have very little social experience.

And honestly, your hesitancy to tell your parents that you’re dating a single mother is a pretty good sign that you’re aware that this is likely more than you can handle.

The other reason is that her social life is already a mess. She’s in conflict with her ex-husband – who presumably is always going to be a factor in her life – as well as her shiftless, lazy boyfriend. And, let’s face it, she’s not terribly interested in losing him yet; for whatever reason, she has yet to follow through on her threats to kick his ass to the curb. Maybe she loves him more tan she’s exasperated by him, maybe she’s afraid to be alone, maybe she’s prone to bad decisions, maybe they’re locked into some co-depended cycle that just replays itself over and over again… who knows. Regardless of her reasons, this is one giant, heaving mess of bad decisions that you’re trying to insert yourself.

On that score alone, trying to date this woman is a holy-shit-super-bad idea under the best of circumstances. Now let’s take it up to the next level here with the rest of your situation. You’ve had a crush on her for at least 14 years, even with zero contact between the two of you. This in and of itself is a warning sign: you’ve had an especially nasty case of Oneitis - the belief that she is the one and only special person in the world that you could possibly love. To make things worse, you’re compounding it with White Knight Syndrome, believing that you can earn her love by sweeping in there like a knight in shining armor and taking her away from this life of privation and heartache. Hell, you’re already giving (not lending; you know as well as I do that you’re not going to see that money again) her money on the regular. All of this is a very big sign that you are not equipped to handle this relationship. And let’s face it, you can say that you don’t expect her to notice everything you’re doing for her, but you sure as shit are hoping she will.

Look, just between you, me and everyone who will read this: this is about wish-fulfillment, not about about her as a person.

You’re already somewhat socially isolated. You’ve been feeling the overwhelming pressure to get married and pump out some kids, coupled with your embarrassment at continuing to live with your parents and your generalized anxiety over your difficulties in socializing. Suddenly you high-school crush is back in your life, representing everything you could want: an instant family, the chance to finally achieve an old fantasy and even be the gallant hero, hauling her out of a horrible situation and into a new and glorious life for you! You are more in love with the idea of her and what she represents. I don’t doubt that you’re attracted to her, but she’s much more of an aspirational figure than a real person, and all of those niggling details – her relationship with her ex-husband, her current boyfriend, etc. – are not going to go away. These are all going to be part of her every-day life, even if she liked you back in the first place

But here’s the thing: she’s not into you that way. You’ve already broached the subject of whether she would be interested in dating you if things were different and got a non-committal answer; this is in and of itself an answer. It’s a “no”.  Then on top of that, she immediately offers to set you up with a single friend of hers. These are not the actions of a woman who is considering you as a potential boyfriend or husband; this is someone who likes you as a friend and appreciates your emotional (and financial) support, but simply doesn’t return your feelings and is trying not to hurt you.

I don’t mean to shatter your dreams, but this is simply not going to happen. She’s not going to dump her boyfriend any time soon and, even if she does, she’s not going to fly into your arms.

What you need to do right now is work on yourself some. You’ve got a good base to start with; having a steady job and reliable income is important, especially with the way the economy is right now. Spend some time improving your social skills and meeting people. Check out a couple of my books, read through my site and learn how to improve your dating skills. You should also consider reading Succeed Socially, another site I recommend. If living with your parents is something that’s causing you anxiety, then start saving your money and make plans to get your own place. The more you get your life in order, the less pressure you’re going to feel to rush out and try to play catch-up with all of your friends.

Go on that blind date. The more dating experience you have, the better you will do with your future relationships… and you’ll find that your Oneitis will fade as you start to get to know all the new and amazing women out there.

Good luck.

Dr. Nerdlove is not a real doctor. Please send your questions to Dr. Nerdlove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)

(Doctor’s Note: one of the letters for this column involves the description of a sexual assault.) 

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I have a strange situation, Doc, but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.

I live in a house with three other people. Two of the people are married, and the other is recently divorced and is 33 and the niece of the woman in the married relationship. I have been friends with the 33 year old for about 12 years. I am 20 years older than her, and when are friendship first started we would mostly go hiking and see movies (we didn’t live in the same house then either). We were both attracted to each other and the friendship remained platonic, but something was always there. We always had a tacit agreement that the age difference was too great.

She met a guy and got married and I was really happy for her. It worked out that I bought a house with her aunt an husband, and they rented a room from us. This worked out fine until the marriage started getting rough, and she would ask me questions like “you still love me, right?”. The marriage ended about nine months ago and it has been strange living in the house across the hall from someone I have feelings for, and having her aunt there complicates things more. I still get comments from her like “what would I do without you” and “if we were the same age”.

I can’t stay in this situation a lot longer, my thoughts are:

A) Tell her yes, I do love her and age is just a number let’s give this a try.

B) Asking her to move out because the living situation is no longer healthy (this may wreck the relationship with people I own the house with).

C) Deciding it is time to sell the house and move on to the next phase of my life.

 Any advice on how to proceed?

-Landlords In Love

DEAR LANDLORDS IN LOVE: Before I answer your question, LIL, let me ask you something: Did you two actually discuss your attraction to one another? As in, has she actually said “I want to date you and totally would if you weren’t older than me?” Or are you rounding a close, maybe even flirty friendship up to attraction? Because, frankly, phrases like “you still love me, right?” don’t suggest romance, they suggest friendship or even quasi-familial love.

I see a lot of people who have that kind of close, even intimate friendship and someone assumes that the emotional intimacy there also translates to actual, romantic attraction. And when they find out that no, it really is just friendship – even friends that say “what would I do without you” or ask “You still love me, right” – they’re devastated because they’ve built this into something it’s not.

I mean, if I were going to turn someone down as gently as I could, “the age difference is so great” would probably be one my first go-tos. Nothing to be done about it, nobody’s fault, oh well, who wants Chinese?

You’re going to need to be the one to answer that, LIL, because I’m not there. And if this is friendship that you’ve been reading too much into and one that you’ve been holding a torch for… well, that’s going to cause some unnecessary heartbreak.

And that’s without the very-bad-no-for-real-this-is-a-horrible-idea complications that come with this scenario. Even if we assume that there is an actual romantic and sexual connection there… there are issues like the fact that you at least partially own the building she lives in. That ain’t the most equitable start to a relationship, to be perfectly honest. I mean, if you have the power to evict her (subject to tenant/landlord laws in your city and state) that’s a big club to be wielding over someone when you’re asking them out on a date.

And then there’s the fact it’s only been nine months since the marriage ended. You don’t mention how long they were married for but something tells me she’s still working on processing being single again. Hell, she may well not want to be dating anyone for a while.

My advice is that you’re better off letting this be and pursuing other relationships, with people who don’t live in a building you own. And when you meet one of those people who doesn’t live in your building, don’t assume that she’s interested in you romantically and leap in with both feet. Start with a date – an unequivocable date – and work from there.

But seriously. Don’t try to date someone you have that sort of economic leverage over. Ever.

Good luck.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I need your help. My wife was on business trip and had to stay over weekend. I encouraged her to go out and enjoy drinks with friends. She didn’t really want to because she is an introvert, but after we talked she agreed to try to make new friends.

A male co-worker met her at a restaurant and from there he drove her to a few night spots where they met up with several more new people. She isn’t much of a drinker, but her coworker continue to give her drinks. He told her that she could really drink well. It was just about closing when he left her and brought back one last drink. Minutes after sipping on this drink she felt extremely drunk. He suggested they get some food. She was surprised the restaurant was part of his apartment and he got the food to go.

She was now nervous as they got on elevator to his place. After they ate, she asked to go but he insisted that they talked and he then made a move on her. She said “NO…I want to go…If you don’t take me I will find another way”. He said “It’s late just stay and sleep nothing will happen. I am tired.”

He then left and went to his room leaving her alone. She sat there 30 minutes and finally walked to his room and again asked to be taken back to her hotel. He pulled her down on bed and again started things but this time she said “I passively consented. I knew I wasn’t getting out of there”. He started the intercourse and she told him “Stop… I am married… you have ruined my marriage.” He stopped but didn’t seem particularly sorry and drove her back.

This has affected both of us deeply. We have a beautiful Christ centered marriage and now we are left to figure out how and why this happened. She certainly blames herself and I am hurt as well. 

Do you have any advice for me on how to view this and help her.

- Traumatized

DEAR TRAUMATIZED: I’m not going to mince words Traumatized: your wife was raped. Her co-worker got her drunk, took her back to his place and assaulted her. She didn’t “passively consent”, she was forced into a situation where not only could she not give consent, but where she couldn’t leave and almost certainly felt that trying to do anything else might have ended up with her being hurt or even killed.

I want to be abundantly clear here: this is not her fault. Let me repeat that for emphasis: This. Was. Not. Her. Fault. This happened because a co-worker abused her trust, plied her with alcohol to make her compliant, trapped her at his apartment and raped her.

Once again: this was not her fault. She is not to blame here. The only person to be blamed is the rapist. 

What you need to do now is focus on your wife’s healing. She’s been through a traumatic experience and, frankly, she’s likely going to need help processing what happened and accepting that this was not her fault. One thing I would suggest is that she call RAINN (The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.4673. It’s open 24 hours and completely confidential. They have support specialists who can help her find therapy, give her tips for effective self-care after her trauma and advice on what she may want to do next – whether it’s to talk to the police and press charges or not.

I would also suggest checking out their resources for recovering from sexual violence for both victims of rape and sexual assault and their loved ones. This can give you a number of options on how to heal, how to move forward and how to avoid triggering any emotional aftershocks, as well as give you resources on how best to talk with her and to help and support her.

One thing I would strongly suggest she do is to tell her manager and the HR department at work. Not only should she not have to keep working with a predator, but the odds are good that he’s done this before, to other women. Telling management and the HR department can help her feel safer and more secure, as well as bring some measure of punishment down on this guy.

I’m so sorry this has happened to her, Traumatized, and I want to reiterate this one more time: THIS IS NOT HER FAULT. She’s going to need love and support right now, so be the man she can depend on for love, for security and for compassion.

Good luck.

Dr. Nerdlove is not a real doctor. Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I was wondering if you have any material relating to people who indirectly acquire your phone number. Or give you a fake reason to get your number and then call or text you to ask you out. Out of the blue, without warning.

It’s happened to me 5 times now, it scares the sh-t out of me and I’m pretty sick of it. After a lot of reflection I understand that I have some boundary issues to address that almost definitely contribute to the situation. I’m too kind, too friendly, too available and too attentive. I always have a moment for everyone and I’m more interested in understanding and championing people than I am in protecting myself. No matter who they are, how they look or how awkward they are socially, I really just want to have a good chat and a laugh and get excited about geek-y things with them.

I don’t want to play the victim and shirk any responsibility for my boundary problems, even so it’s really frustrating, frightening and I never know how to handle it. It’s confusing as hell because I’m no Scarlett Johansson, and it blows my mind that this happens to me at all. I’ve managed to keep my original number so far, but I’ve had to fight to get these people to stop contacting me. Sometimes it’s turned into some pretty vicious, defensive verbal exchanges that I’m not proud of. Other times I’ve had to leave social clubs, avoid businesses and even stop contracting to a particular workplace to get away from these individuals.

Even though I have a long history with people who interact with me like this, it shocks me every time and I freak out because it makes no sense to me. I’ve been mildly stalked a couple of times and I regularly attract really insecure/troubled friends and interested ‘nice’ guys. I’m becoming more than a little anti-social, judgmental and wary of being friends with anyone who displays even the tiniest signs of insecurity, poor self esteem or control issues. So I want to address that by regaining my confidence, rebuilding my self esteem and getting more social. Part of getting this confidence back means potentially dealing with being stalked again or having my contact information misappropriated or being given out without my permission again.

So Doc, in your opinion, what do I need to understand about what’s going on here? I’d really appreciate anything you’ve got to say about this. 

Thanks!

- Private Number

DEAR PRIVATE NUMBER: This is one of those irritating times when you’re stuck having to make changes because of other people’s bad behavior. There’re plenty of creepers out there who see boundaries as things that happen to other people and folks who’ll leverage another person’s kindness and friendliness in order to get access to them. I have lost track at how many times I’ve seen guys take advantage of the good-will of women or mistake friendliness for a sign that they were destined to be together. Anime clubs, conventions, various professional events… put together a large enough mix of poor social calibration, insecurity and entitlement and you get dudes who think that women exist strictly for their benefit.

Unfortunately, dealing with them means having to have some shields up. 

To start with, I’d suggest seriously working on your boundaries – not just with these guys but also with the folks who’re giving out your number. If your friends are how some of these folks are trying to bank-shot their way into your life, then it’s time to sit those friends down and have a come-to-Jesus meeting with them about how free they’ve been with your contact info. They should check with you first before giving out your information, not just handing it out willy-nilly to anyone who’s trying to get in contact with you.

As for guys who’re making sudden swerves into trying to date you, it may be worth making sure that when the topic of dating comes up that you shut it down, firmly and directly. If you’ve given soft no’s like “I’m not interested in dating right now” or “I just don’t have the time”, a lot of guys will deliberately overlook the refusal and choose to interpret what you’re saying as “try again later” or “keep at it, I’ll change my mind.” It’s one of the lies that we pick up through pop-culture, and unfortunately, a lot of people think persistence in the face of a lack of interest is romantic, not creepy as hell.

It also may not be a bad idea to put up some firewalls between you and these creepers. Locking down your social media presence should be your first stop. Get to know the privacy settings for your Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts and make ’em as secure as you can. It’s astounding how many ways Facebook can open you up to complete strangers, even when you’re being careful. You should also consider having two numbers and email addresses: your “real” one and the one you give out to less-trusted people. Services like Google Voice provide a decentralized number that you can access from anywhere (and abandon as needed), while apps like Burner which give you disposable alternate numbers – including ones that are text only – that eventually self-destruct. These can help limit the ways that Johnny Creepo can get in touch with you… including if one of your well-meaning friends gives out your info even when you’ve specifically told them not to.

Yeah, it’s a little extreme, but if you’ve had creepers stalking you, that extra layer of insulation can provide some invaluable peace of mind.

Beyond that: as much as I hate to say it, but you may have to let yourself be a little more judgmental and wary of folks and less available overall. It’s admirable that you want to assume the best of everyone, but a lot of people tend to take friendliness as signs of interest and will dismiss anything that disagrees with the story they want to hear. Yes, there’re dudes who may be a little awkward but otherwise good guys, but there’re also the ones who’ll use social awkwardness as cover. You’re well within your rights to keep people at a distance until they’ve proven that they’re decent people. You’re also well within your rights to cut folks off for any reason. If you decide someone makes you uncomfortable or they’re starting to give you the creeper vibe, you have the right to put distance between you and them. You may catch flack from folks who buy into the Geek Social Fallacies or who will tell you that you’re overreacting. Doesn’t matter: who you trust and don’t trust isn’t up for public vote and you can set your boundaries where you damn well please.

Beyond that: take things at your own pace and speed. You can ease yourself back into the social scene as fast or as slow as you feel comfortable doing. Just take care of yourself; that matters more than possibly hurting some randos’ feelings when you’re not as nice as they’d like you to be.

Good luck.

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: Doc, I have a problem. I’ve read your article “How To Make Friends (When You’re Out of College)“ on your website, which is good, because it addresses a problem I’m facing: all my friends are moving to other cities and the like.

The logical step is for me to make more, but I have a few factors that complicate it. For example: you mention joining clubs and so on. Whenever I do that, the same thing happens; I almost always wind up in some sort of leadership or administrative role (I’m pretty responsible?), and then, well, I’m in that role, it’s pretty fun, but in that role I don’t feel I can act in any other way than professionally towards everyone else and, uh, the whole ‘friendship’ thing kinda stalls.

When it comes to meeting people outside of organized groups like clubs and MeetUps, I’ve discovered I’m actually pretty reluctant to engage with anyone. Like, I’ve noticed I’ll tend to stick my nose in my phone / computer / book / looking at scenery and can shut down pretty hard if anyone comes to talk to me…

Yeah.

I like staying at home and doing solo activities – even as I’m aware it completely hurts my social life and is going to cause me serious problems soon. But I don’t know how to train myself out of it, as even without a phone, computer, or book, I’ll crawl into my shell when I’m in public.

Do you have any advice for these complications?

- Resting Responsibility Face

DEAR RESTING RESPONSIBILITY FACE: First of all, you don’t have to take on any sort of leadership or administrative role, RFF. You’re perfectly free to say “no” when people ask you if you would take on responsibilities for the club or what-not. And honestly, even if you do end up being the club president or something, that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with people. You’re not an officer in the military, and they aren’t soldiers under your command. These are extracurricular activities you’re doing for fun. Don’t take things too seriously, especially if it’s something like a book-club or a gaming group or whatnot.

As to your second point: to start with, you could always make a point of leaving your book at home when you go out and keep your phone in your pocket. In fact, it may be good to turn your phone off completely so you’re less tempted to pull it out and check on things “just in case”.

But more to the point, if you want to train yourself out of turtling up and actually come out of your shell, then start going to events where being social is the whole point of being there. This is one of the reasons I suggest things like MeetUps or silly get-togethers like an amateur kickball league; the whole point is to actually hang out and interact with people. It’s kind of hard to keep your nose in a book when you’re expected to be guarding second base or help your Skee-Ball team get into the quarter-finals.

(Trust me, I’ve tried.)

The biggest thing you need to do is just relax, RRF. This ain’t life or death, this is fun and friendship. Don’t overthink things. Just take a step or two to get out of your own way and then go with the flow of the situation.

Good luck.

Dr. Nerdlove is not a real doctor. Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com)