The day a 27-year-old law school grad passed the bar exam, her father, a lawyer himself, began pressuring the daughter to buy a house in Maine near her hometown of Van Buren. He even agreed to cover half the cost if she chose the charming Queen Anne-style property he'd picked out for her.

"At just $199,000, I admit this house is a bargain. And I understand why my folks want me to live near them. But living so rural and close to Canada isn't what I have in mind. I want to practice law in a big city like Boston or Philadelphia," the young lawyer says.

At a time when the hurdles to homeownership have never been higher, advocates for buyers agree that lifestyle and career plans should rule when it comes to neighborhood and property selection. That principle applies to making a purchase in expensive markets as well as bargain ones.

"What's the point of winning in a competitive area if you end up owning a house in the wrong place? Errors in selection can be costly, both emotionally and financially," says Mark Nash, a longtime real estate broker and author of "1001 Tips for Buying & Selling a Home."

In prime neighborhoods, competition among rival buyers is still prompting some young homebuying hopefuls to consider properties they would otherwise have ruled out, like homes in rundown condition or those in neighborhoods not to their liking. But real estate experts fear this could one day lead to disappointment if they compromise too much.

Take the case of a bachelor in his mid-30s. By day, he was a banker, and by night he was part of a vibrant social scene near downtown Los Angeles, where he lived in an apartment. But his family looked on disapprovingly, encouraging him to leave the city for a more conventional suburban existence.

"They urged him to settle down and start living that white-picket-fence lifestyle in the suburbs," recalls Nash, formerly the banker's real estate broker.

Capitulating, the banker bought a ranch-style house built in the 1950s. It was the classic detached suburban place on a quiet street in an outlying suburb, with a garage and an ample yard.

But the man was miserable with his choice. A property that would have been perfect for a family proved a poor pick for a man still on the dating circuit.

In despair, the bank manager phoned Nash, announcing his decision to sell the suburban house just two years after buying it.

"The commute was killing him, he scarcely ever saw his friends, and he told me his Saturday nights were more boring than ever," Nash recalls.

Fortunately, the upswing in value on the suburban house allowed the bachelor to invest his equity in a condo-apartment back in the city. But he still regrets the two dull years he spent in the suburbs.

"Before he bought that place in the burbs, I told him to step back and ask if his family had the same vision that he had for himself. Still, he really didn't think through his decision or stand up to his relatives," Nash says.

Nash urges novice buyers --or anyone considering a radical shift in lifestyle -- to be especially cautious when selecting a property.

"Buyers operating outside their comfort zone can easily make a mistaken choice," he says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Talk through expectations with family members.

Many novice purchasers, especially those in their 20s and early 30s, accept parental gifts to help realize their homeownership goal.

"Often, there are a lot of strings attached when the family steps in. There are big control issues, and parental influence can lead to bad decisions," Nash says.

He's noticed that some parents, eager to boast that their children live in a prestige neighborhood, will encourage them to buy beyond their self-imposed limits, which can put pressure on their marriages.

Before you accept family help, you need to know if your parents think this gives them veto rights over your home choice, Nash says.

"A heart-to-heart talk can really help you avert this problem before it arises," he says.

-- Ask lots of questions before picking a property.

You should pose plenty of questions about any home you're considering buying and the community where it's situated, according to Jon Boyd, a real estate broker and past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

"One simple way to judge a neighborhood is to simply take a walk around the community. It's surprising how many clues you can pick up as you walk. Ideally, you'll chat with local residents to gauge their friendliness level," Boyd says.

Area residents could forewarn you about the annoying freight trains that pass through or the jets with flight paths overhead. They can also tell you about unpleasant traffic problems and issues facing the local schools.

-- Slow down the picking process.

Some longtime renters get so keyed up at the idea of homeownership that they rush into the wrong purchase.

"With all this excitement and newness around their plans, they stop thinking straight," Nash says.

To help guard against the tendency to plunge headlong into a purchase -- a temptation that's especially strong for novice buyers -- Nash suggests that first-time buyers look at multiple properties during a shopping tour, even if they fall in love with the first place they see.

"Don't work with any agent who pressures you into thinking that every house you see is a 'home run'. Think for yourself when choosing a place," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

On a frosty February day five years ago, a retired Iowa nurse decided to sell her ranch-style house in favor of a condo in sunny central Florida.

But the move proved mistaken. The nurse missed her friends back home. Her taxes and condo fees were higher than expected. What's worse, her property lost value. So, she intends to sell soon and buy a place near her grown son in Des Moines.

"It's a U-turn for my mom. But I'm sure she's making the right decision. Now we're just focused on helping her make a graceful transition," he says.

Gradually declining property values are now a reality in some communities, including in Florida, where condos are experiencing more slippage than detached, single-family properties.

In some cases, the reasons for this gradual valuation declines involve "higher inventory, less migration to the area and sellers overpricing the homes," says Brenden Rendo, a mortgage lender and real estate adviser in Central Florida, in an article by Kiri Blakely on Realtor.com, the online real estate website.

The nurse making the U-turn is determined to avoid the pitfall of overpricing her two-bedroom unit. She's putting a greater emphasis on a speedy sale to hasten her return to Des Moines.

"Sometimes, moving on with your life is more important than getting every last penny out of a deal," the nurse's son says.

All this is not to say that her move back to Iowa from Florida will be easy for the widowed 71-year-old. But her son's unwavering commitment to assist should make a major difference.

Her are a few pointers for those seeking to support elderly parents on a housing move:

-- Respect your parents' attachment to their home.

Some seniors, like those with a history of moving for military work or corporate transfers, find it relatively easy to prepare their homes for sale. But those who've stayed put usually have a harder time letting go of their accumulations.

"Young people are accustomed to casting off possessions when they move. After all, they were raised in a country flooded with cheap imported goods. But their grandparents weren't raised that way," says Joan McLellan Tayler, a longtime California real estate broker.

For seniors, sorting through possessions can be exhausting.

"What's a treasure and what's junk? Separating items into those categories can be tremendously tedious," Tayler says.

But while the adult children of elder parents can be very helpful in a housing transition, Tayler says it's unwise for them to become involved in the sorting and culling process.

"That can result in heated arguments that are painful for all concerned," she says.

Instead, she recommends that senior home sellers engage the help of a professional organizer. One source for referrals is the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (napo.net). For a lesser fee, your parents can likely find an energetic college student or recent grad by posting an online ad.

-- Assure your parents you'll respect their prized possessions.

"Of course, your parents are entitled to keep the most valued parts of their legacy. And it's not up to you to decide what's most important to them," says Diana Gaydon, a real estate broker based in Portland, Oregon.

One way to help smooth the transition for your parents is to guarantee you'll safeguard their valuables during the interim period in which their home is shown to the public.

"For example, you might tell them you'll take those coveted photos they have hanging on the wall and place them in a nice box on your piano until their house is sold," Gaydon says.

-- Show empathy in helping your parents dispose of excess possessions.

Conducting an estate sale to break up a household might sound like a good idea. After all, the professional firm holding the sale will give your parents a percentage of the revenue they bring in.

But the unsentimental manner in which such a sale is conducted could easily hurt your parents' feelings. It can be painful to overhear strangers haggling over the price of items you've owned and valued for decades, Tayler says.

As an alternative, she recommends you ask your parents for the names of their favorite charities and arrange to have their giveaways taken there. (Valuable antiques and art can be sold through a dealer or an online company such as eBay.)

"Donating to a charity you believe in can be a positive experience," Tayler says.

-- Be diplomatic when addressing your parents on needed home updates.

Those who've lived in the same home for a long time are often very comfortable with their decor -- no matter how dated -- and think prospective buyers should feel the same way. But their grown kids typically agree with the listing agent that the home should be updated to more contemporary standards before it goes on the market.

The problem is that you could face a lot of resistance if you try to push your parents into replacing their still-functioning avocado-green refrigerator. Likewise, they might rebuff you if you demand that they have their 25-year-old lavender carpeting torn up and replaced with a neutral beige carpet.

Instead, try quiet reasoning and persuasion in hopes of convincing them to follow your recommendations—and those of their listing agent.

"Never attempt to belittle or shame your parents into the home improvements needed for a successful sale. That can backfire big time," Tayler says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A Southwest airlines supervisor was just 20 when she married and had her only child, a son who's currently a college sophomore. Now divorced, the woman is ready to sell her five-bedroom brick colonial in the Dallas suburb of Frisco.

"I'm not yet old, but I see no reason to hang on to this McMansion I inhabit. I want a smoother, simpler life in a condo close to the Southwest headquarters. This move will cut my taxes and spare me lots of cleaning and upkeep," she says.

The woman is excited about the possibilities that could come from her downsize move.

"More important than a showy home is the freedom that comes from living smaller. Once I sell, I'll have more leeway for travel and hobbies, like my genealogy and book clubs, as well as my Zumba and spin classes," she says.

Most downsizers are either retired or nearing retirement. But like the Southwest supervisor, an increasing number of middle-aged owners are also eager to divest themselves of an oversized McMansion, according to Zillow, the Seattle-based real estate firm.

"American homes have shifted from status symbols to sanctuaries. Buyers are no longer chasing the biggest footprint of the glossiest finishes. Instead, they're seeking homes that reflect who they are ... and what they value," says Amanda Pendleton, Zillow's home trends expert.

Pendleton notes that at the height of the building boom -- roughly 2002 to 2006 -- McMansions were constructed all over the nation, but especially in Sun Belt metros. Many featured giant Tuscan-style kitchens with dark cherry cabinets and speckled granite countertops, as well as big bathrooms with jetted tubs and three-car garages.

But these days buyers are less interested in impressing guests and more interested in how a home supports their lives in practical ways, such as low energy costs.

Sellers like the Southwest supervisor are aware that many of their home's McMansion features seem dated to current buyers. That's why it's important they choose a listing agent who will highlight the positives, like energy-saving replacement windows and kitchen pantries.

"It's typically not cost-effective to do major renovations to get a dated property sold. But you can stress work you've already completed. This could include a new roof or replacement appliances in the kitchen," says Joan McLellan Tayler, the longtime owner of a California realty brokerage.

"Look for a listing agent who knows what buyers in your area prioritize," Tayler says.

Here are a few pointers for sellers:

-- Seek experience when choosing a listing agent.

Tayler says too many sellers take a casual approach to picking an agent, noting that some make the mistake of hiring a relative, a friend or a young agent looking to get started.

"A lot of the sellers fail to understand that even in a strong market, it takes complex skills to do a great job selling real estate," she says.

Tayler recommends that sellers opt for an agent with experience in handling lots of different deals. Those with a track record are most apt to sniff out problems before they happen.

If for personal reasons you're determined to choose a newcomer, she suggests you ask that agent to share the listing with an established pro from the same office.

"With two agents on your side, you'll benefit from both their strengths," Tayler says.

-- Make sure that prospective buyers are financially qualified.

Sharp sellers are careful to check the financial standing of would-be purchasers.

"Who wants a deal to fall through because the buyers lack the wherewithal or credit to get it to the finish line?" says Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert and co-author of "House Selling for Dummies."

Before accepting an offer, sellers should insist on seeing a genuine preapproval letter from a known lender, Tyson says. This should establish that the prospective buyers have had their credit checked, their employment confirmed and their assets verified.

In addition, prospects can be asked to supply other details about their creditworthiness, such as their credit scores. The most common of these, known as FICO scores, range from 300 to 850. The higher that number, the more likely borrowers are to get the loan they need to close the deal.

"To avoid insomnia, look for buyers with scores of 700 or above," Tyson says.

Bidders can obtain reports on their credit scores from a website of the Fair Isaac Corp (myfico.com).

-- Get ready for issues that could arise during an inspection of your home.

In all sorts of neighborhoods -- including very popular ones -- many purchasers exercise their right to a home inspection. And many use the process as leverage to renegotiate the deal.

"Even in a tight market, if the inspector finds substantial defects in the house, the buyers could attempt to use these findings to revisit the terms of the deal," Tyson says.

Homeowners should never try to talk buyers out of a home inspection. But smart sellers will consider paying for their own inspection even before the property goes on the market.

"The person you hire for a presale inspection is unlikely to find all the same small problems that the buyer's inspector locates. But both should spot the really major problems, like a failing roof or electrical system," Tyson says.

"Knowing the problems that lurk in your house is especially important if the place is more than 10 years old," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)