DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter works hard to have a nice life and has supported herself since before she graduated college. She is a bright young woman, but like so many others I have known, she has desperately bad taste in men.
Her current boyfriend, who works very parttime, just moved in with her. She owns her own condo, so there’s no rent, but there is a mortgage and all the expenses of owning a home.
I try to be pleasant to this guy, but my son told me the boyfriend was “joking” about how he not only found a sweet girl, but also a “sweet ride.” Both my son and I interpret that to mean this young man is a gigolo-in-the-making, and my daughter is his first target.
I have a good relationship with my daughter, but I cannot imagine she would take well to my telling, or even suggesting, that her boyfriend is using her.
Do I risk saying something or just do the non-interfering dad act forever? --- THE GUY’S A BUM
DEAR THE GUY’S A BUM: Don’t you hate this part of parenthood — the having to zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket? But it may not do much for you or the present situation to openly object to your daughter’s boyfriend becoming her live-in. You might venture a polite inquiry into what material support she expects from her new roommate, such as will he be pitching in on any of the regular expenses or maintenance chores. But you know your daughter best, and if you’re of the opinion even general questions will cause problems, then it might not be a bad idea to put it off for a bit and see how the new living arrangement shakes out. It’s entirely possible there’re no issues your daughter can see, at least for now, but that could change over time.