DEAR HARRIETTE: My older sister and I are 18 months apart. Growing up with a sister this close in age may seem like a great idea because we can be "best friends," but it is terrible for me. Not only do we get into fights daily about sharing clothes, sharing the car, etc., my parents also treat us drastically differently. I understand that because she is older, she gets certain privileges that I don’t get yet, but the amount of attention she gets from my parents compared to me is huge. I want to talk to my parents about this and ask them to stop treating us differently, as my sister and I are both their daughters. Is this a good idea? -- Pissed-Off Sister, Portland, Oregon
DEAR PISSED-OFF SISTER: I think your plan will get your feelings hurt. Your parents are probably not consciously favoring your sister. That doesn’t mean you don’t experience their behavior in this way. Rather than pointing out what is bothering you, think of things you would like to do with your parents that will draw their attention more directly toward you.
As far as your relationship with your sister, figure out what boundaries you want to enforce. Be crystal clear about what bothers you and what points aren’t that important. Ask her to be more thoughtful. Create ground rules for when and how she can use your stuff. Build a friend base outside the family so that you don’t rely as much on your sister for your social satisfaction.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)