DEAR HARRIETTE: I try hard to be lenient and fair with my kids. I set limits for what they are allowed to do based on their ages, grades and behaviors. I spend a lot of time thinking about this. What I get back from them is that I am unfair. I am too strict. All of their friends get to do more than they do. The list goes on and on.
While it may be true that their friends get more freedoms, I really don’t care about that. I can’t run my family based on somebody else’s standards. When I try to explain that to my kids, they shrug their shoulders. I gave in once recently and let them hang out much longer than is the norm, and true to form, they were out of it the next day and completely unproductive. When I pointed that out to them, they refused to accept what had happened. What can I do to guide my kids without having them hate me? -- Drawing the Line, Atlanta
DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: One thing many parents do today that I think is misguided is to try to be their kids' friend rather than their parent. Your children need you to create clear boundaries by which they must abide, or suffer the consequences. You can continue to explain your reasons for your rules, but do not relax your rules. Also make clear what the consequences will be and enforce them. They may say they hate you, but it will be temporary.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)