Dear Ilana and Jess: My kids dread the start of the year every September, even though ultimately both of them enjoy school. How can I help lower their anxiety? – Teri

Dear Teri: Back to School Blues are pretty common, but that doesn’t make them any easier. Thankfully, there are plenty of things you can do to help alleviate some of that stress.

Have your kids make a list of things they’re looking forward to next week, next month, and even next season. List items should be school-specific in some way; for example, a homecoming game or dance, a classroom Halloween party, reuniting with friends or a favorite teacher, etc. Focusing on all the good that is to come will help the kids remember what it is they enjoy and appreciate about school.

Make sure everyone is prepared. If you aren’t doing so already, create and implement a routine to organize your kids for the first week of school. For example, back-to-school shopping should be a fun ritual, but give your kids responsibility by having them print or write the items they need and check off the list as they go. The more in-control the kids feel, the more prepared they’ll feel, and, in turn, the less anxious they’ll be. Keep backpacks and school materials in a consistent location, and have the kids pack and check their bags the night before. Lunches should also be planned in advance.

Watch their language. While, “I hate school,” may seem innocuous and common, comments like that actually affect the way the kids think about and experience school. Give them the language to say what they really mean. For example, “I hate school,” can become, “I’m really nervous about going back to school.”

Finally, if you’re ever concerned about your child’s anxiety, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional.

Say This: “Instead of saying that you hate school, which I know you don’t, I want you to tell me what’s really bothering you. Try this: ‘I’m really nervous about going back to school.’”

Not That: “What are you worried about? Everything will be fine!”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: I’m starting my sophomore year of college. If I’m being honest, I am super excited to have my space and dorm back, but, I didn’t exactly organize it well last semester. How can I do better this time? – Erin

Dear Erin: You have a lot to keep track of in college and very little time to waste tracking it. Organization is a task that gets tossed to the wayside more often than not, and sometimes straightening up can feel like a needless (and mindless) chore. But to really create an organized life, you have to start with your living space. Here’s how.

Start from day 1. After lugging your entire life into the center of your dorm room, it’s tempting to leave it there to deal with some other time. Sadly, procrastination and organization are incompatible. To set off on the right track, don’t make straightening up a “do-it-tomorrow” task. Get yourself settled as soon as you get in. Place items in logical locations and keep like with like, to make it easier to remember where everything went. Keep the items you’ll be using the most in the most visible and accessible places.

Organize each “compartment” of your life. An organized room is one thing, an organized mind is another. Getting your space in order is the first step, but there’s plenty more where that came from. You’ll have syllabi for each of your classes. Before you start in on your homework, figure out what’s coming. Get a physical planner or electronic calendar, and plug in all the important due dates for major assignments as soon as you have them.

Practice makes perfect. Don’t just organize things once and leave it at that. Remember kindergarten, when you had to put things back where they belonged after you were done using them? It still applies. Make a habit of staying organized every day, and bookend the mornings and evenings with this habit. Take ten minutes at the beginning and end of every day to make sure everything is in its place, including your notes and homework.

Say This: “If I get my room organized today it will give me peace of mind and set the tone for the rest of the semester. It’s better in the long-run if I get everything sorted now.”

Not That: “I can always do it tomorrow.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: I’m moving back in with my college roommate next week, and I’m dreading it. We argued a lot last semester. How can I curb this? – Lenny

Dear Lenny: Sharing close quarters highlights a million little things that can lead to conflict. To keep the peace, there are a few, important things we recommend -

First, set ground rules. The best medicine is prevention, as they say. Leave little room for conflict by setting clear cut expectations and ground rules from Day 1. These rules should cover a number of things — especially the things you wouldn’t expect to negotiate. Think about the conditions you need to feel comfortable in your living space. Ask yourself, and ask your roommate: when can we keep the TV on and when do you want it off? Are we comfortable with significant others spending the night? Can I play music through my speakers or should I use headphones? Let your answers guide the boundaries you set and rules you agree to. It can be beneficial to write these rules down and make your own “roommate contract.”

Talk to them. Communication is key for any good relationship, and that includes the relationship you have with your roommate.

Setting ground rules is not the same as following them. All relationships require upkeep, and that means revisiting expectations. If your roommate breaches contract, speak to them directly. Enter this conversation calmly; don’t engage if you’re too angry to be civil.

Stick to the facts. Once the two of you are cool enough to speak, talk about the facts, not your opinions. One of the benefits of a roommate contract is that it eliminates ambiguity and makes it harder to backpedal. When airing your grievances, be as specific as possible. It’s helpful to share examples of when and how your roommate upset you. The more evidence you have, the harder it is for them to dispute your claims. Most importantly, bring up each issue as it arises; don’t ignore your frustrations until they accumulate and you explode.

Finally, and if need be, get your RA involved. Sometimes, we can’t resolve our conflicts on our own and we need to enlist the help of a mediator. There are plenty of people who need to make a change when it comes to housing. If you see that this relationship just isn’t working out, it’s time to find a better match.

Say This: “[Roommate's Name], when we moved in, we agreed that we’d only have guests until 10:30. In the last week, your boyfriend/girlfriend has been here on Monday until midnight, Wednesday until 1:00 AM, and Thursday until 1:00 AM. It’s really affecting my schedule. Can we please talk about this?”

Not That: “Why do you even need to hang out here? Can’t you go to his/her room?”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION