Six years ago, doctors removed an aggressive, cancerous tumor the size of a Twinkie from the right side of Matt Mertens’ brain.

The surgery was necessary to save his life. But it came with known risks.

“I went into surgery pretty normal, and I came out with my whole left side paralyzed,” said Matt, now 48. It took him six months to regain some movement and learn to walk again. He says he “walks like a pirate,” and he mostly relies on a scooter or wheelchair for any extended period of mobility.

Prior to his diagnosis and surgery, Matt lived an active life -- hunting, fishing and building.

He can’t do much of that anymore.

“This has been a life-changing experience,” he said. “I can’t put my shoes and socks on by myself.”

He continues to work as a fleet manager at a manufacturing company and relies on his wife, Stacy, for help with day-to-day tasks. They have four children and have lived in the Monticello West neighborhood of O’Fallon, Missouri, for the past 19 years.

They are among the 75 million Americans who live in an HOA-managed community. That’s more than 30% of homeowners nationally. These private organizations set and enforce rules for property owners in their jurisdictions, and members are required to pay fees. Failure to follow the rules can lead to fines -- or worse consequences, such as placing a lien on private property, or even foreclosure.

The Mertenses had never experienced any problems with their HOA until recently.

In December, they received an email from Libby Schubert, their neighborhood representative for Community Property Management, the company that manages their HOA. The email included a photo of the family's Weber grill in the top corner of their driveway. They were instructed to remove the grill and a nearby table, the placement of which was found to be in violation of rules.

The Mertenses requested a meeting with the HOA board to explain their situation.

In the meeting, held on May 21, Stacy explained to the board that the family uses the grill year-round, and that her husband -- who is disabled from his cancer treatment -- cannot physically go up and down the stairs leading to the back patio. Even if he could get to it, the patio doesn’t have enough space for him to turn around, given his disability. He can’t push or pull heavy objects, so he’s unable to move the grill and table into the garage every time he uses them.

Matt parks his truck on the driveway, so the grill isn’t even visible from the street when his truck is there. A large, landscaped bush blocks the view from the side. Not a single neighbor has ever complained to them about it.

The board was unmoved.

According to the Mertenses, the HOA president told them they needed to get their priorities straight: Either stow the items when not in use, or sell them. They were told that if they did not resolve the issue by Sept. 1, the rule-violation process would resume.

Stacy and Matt were devastated and angry by the lack of empathy and respect shown to them.

I reached out to the management company, CPM, to ask about the situation, and Schubert sent an email: “On 5/21/25 the homeowners met with four members of our HOA board, and one member of our HOA management company. All fines were waived, and a corrective plan of action was agreed to by the homeowners.” CPM declined requests for interviews with employees or board members.

The Mertenses said they never agreed to a “corrective plan of action.” In fact, Stacy has researched St. Charles County’s fair housing policy, which prevents discrimination against individuals with disabilities. She has filed complaints with the county and with the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

“The lack of empathy and compassion, and the inability to see humans as humans” has upset her the most, she said.

The overreach, pettiness and abuse of power by HOAs around the country have been reported and debated for years. In a culture where appearances matter more than human dignity and compassion, HOAs can attract petty tyrants.

This small squabble speaks to a much larger issue: the trickle-down effect of cruelty as policy and empathy as weakness.

Matt said he wants to hold on to one important part of his pre-cancer life. The cancer and surgery robbed him of so much of his independence: He’s had to give up working in his shop in the basement, hunting, fishing and most other physical activities. But he’s been barbecuing since he was a kid. He’s passionate about his grill and smoker.

At least once a week, regardless of the weather, he’s grilling pork steaks, chicken thighs or smoking a chicken in the rotisserie to feed his family. He’s made meatloaf stuffed with peppers and cheese and a ribeye roast out there on his driveway.

He doesn’t like to talk much about how the cancer and the surgery upended his life.

“It’s been hard on the whole family,” he said. “I don’t tell most of my friends because it’s embarrassing to me.”

But he and Stacy felt compelled to speak out and fight back against the HOA’s unrelenting battle against the barbecue.

“We’re just so appalled that they really don’t care,” Stacy said.

Previous generations of newly minted graduates have faced rough job markets. But few have done so while also reeling from the widespread loss of positions they had already been promised.

Many recent graduates are having opportunities and positions suddenly revoked -- including research jobs, slots at graduate programs and work in the nonprofit sector.

The current administration’s deep cuts, ideological shifts and tariffs have affected the economy, higher education, and the arts and nonprofit sectors in ways that are shutting out recent graduates and forcing pivots in their post-graduation plans.

”There’s a lot of uncertainty that is impacting the job market,” said Norma Guerra Gaier, associate vice chancellor for career development and education at Washington University. “We’re seeing some hesitation in employers’ approach to recruiting and investing in early talent.”

The administration has cut more than 135,000 jobs in the federal workforce, with another 149,000 cuts planned, according to the New York Times.

Graduates looking for mission-driven roles in public service can no longer count on pathways such as fellowships and agency-specific pipelines, many of which have been defunded or frozen.

The cuts have also affected students looking to enter STEM and research fields and those with artistic ambitions. In addition to billions of dollars in federal research funding, the administration has cut millions in grants to the National Endowment for the Arts. The National Institutes of Health has cut 2,100 research grants valued at more than $12 billion since Donald Trump took office, according to NIH employees.

The consulting and technology sectors have also been hit hard.

Guerra Gaier said she has seen some employers retract job offers or postpone the start date by several months to see what happens with the market. At a recent conference for the National Association of Colleges and Employers, the current market dominated the conversation.

“We haven’t seen this level of uncertainty and trepidation before,” she said. In previous dips, such as in 2009, the reasons for the situation -- and the path toward recovery -- were both more clear.

“Today, something is on and off the next day,” she said. “It’s just a whole new ballgame.”

However, there are steps students and recent graduates can take to improve their chances.

“It’s a tough time, but it’s not an impossible time,” Guerra Gaier said. She advises students to think about backup plans early in the game.

Broaden the list of roles, companies and organizations you are considering, she advises. Hone in and focus on your capabilities: the skills and attributes you bring to the table. Demonstrate, with concrete examples, that you have the skills and capacity to contribute to an organization.

“It’s not about your major, it’s about the competencies you bring,” she said.

Early experiential learning opportunities are more critical than ever. She suggests looking into sites such as Forage, a free online platform that provides virtual job simulations and career exploration experiences at leading companies. Students and grads can also search for microinternships on sites such as Parker Dewey.

Any short-term, project-based opportunities for students to engage with companies, helping solve problems, will help graduates stand out from the competition, she said.

Additionally, having a strong network is more critical than it’s ever been. This means looking within your own circles and asking them who they might know and be able to connect you with in your desired areas of employment.

“Tell anyone and everyone your career aspirations,” she said. “You never know who they might know who could help you.”

Use LinkedIn to create a strong profile and leverage connections. Work on being able to tell a compelling story about your skills.

“We all have a story, and we need to be more comfortable and confident about sharing that story,” she added.

Accept that nothing in life is predictable and that change is part of life.

Lastly, always be ready to pivot.

The surest signs of marital stability in my childhood home were my mother’s cooking and my father’s appetite.

They had an arranged marriage -- meeting and speaking to one another for the first time on their wedding day. For the past 52 years of marriage, food has been their most fluent love language.

My parents share an authentic Pakistani palate, while ours grew more Americanized over the years. Most Sunday mornings, my mom made rose-pink Kashmiri chai with flaky puff pastries that resembled the bakarkhani they enjoyed growing up. While my mom cooked traditional meals for us, my dad would get us breakfast sandwiches from McDonald’s or take us out for pizza as a treat.

We internalized the message that feeding someone is an act of love, and that eating involves more than getting sustenance. It’s a way of showing affection, giving respect, sharing joy and connecting with people and memories. These ideas are ingrained in our culture. In Asian households, we greet family with the question: Have you eaten?

So, even though my father has spent the past two months going from the hospital to inpatient rehab to a skilled nursing facility, my mom has been the guardian of his meals and snacks. She’s kept a close eye on whether he finishes his protein shakes or if he needs more homemade food brought to him.

She usually spends several hours with him every day at the skilled nursing facility.

That abruptly changed recently when my mom contracted pneumonia, which landed her in the hospital for three days. Her doctors told her she needed time to recover and instructed her to stop going to the nursing facility for at least a week.

Prior to this, she had been bringing my father his lunch and dinner every day. Her absence may have provoked a decline in his appetite. Even when my siblings took food to him -- food that my mom had prepared -- he only ate a few bites.

Last week, my mom told me that my dad hasn’t felt like eating much lately. She said the side effects of some of his medications have altered the taste of certain foods, creating a sour flavor. I could tell it upset her.

Hearing this affected me more than I expected.

My father has endured many indignities and pains over the past few years as his Parkinson’s has worsened. We still don’t know whether he will be able to come home anytime soon. He needs to regain some of the strength and stamina he’s lost from being mostly bed-bound.

But how will he get stronger if he isn’t eating enough?

I discovered a body of research on how to encourage eating and increase appetite for elderly folks whose eating habits have changed. Experts say to offer nutrient-dense foods, and to find ways to make mealtimes more enjoyable.

Last year, I got in an argument with my father because I said he was eating too many desserts and too much sugar. I told him it would only worsen his health issues. He did not appreciate his daughter telling him what he should or should not eat.

Now, I feel like offering him whatever dessert he wants.

I inherited my love of food from my father. I wonder if we’ve lost that connection. I’ve already felt like I’ve been losing him slowly, piece by piece, over the past five years. First, our phone calls dwindled. Then, our in-person conversations changed. His moods became more unpredictable. In the past few months, he’s lost his mobility.

I don’t want him to lose the pleasure that comes from eating foods he has enjoyed his entire life.

The day my mom was discharged from the hospital, she made sure my sister took one of my father's favorite sandwiches to him. Exactly one week later, she was back at his bedside -- homemade meals in hand.

Her food is love.